Mortuary Jokes
19 mortuary jokes and hilarious mortuary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mortuary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
At first glance, you would never guess that Mortuary Science professionals are also blessed with a unique sense of humor! In this article, we explore the various mortuary jokes that exist, from the widower who refused a discount to the cardiologist who was refused entry in a crematorium. Read on to see these and other wry humor in the macabre world of funeral services.
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Funniest Mortuary Short Jokes
Short mortuary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mortuary humour may include short cemetery jokes also.
- I'm sick of the double standard… When I burn a dead bodies at the mortuary, I'm doing a good job. When I burn dead bodies at home, I'm destroying evidence.
- I recently went to a cafe that used to be a mortuary... It's not as good now, before people were dying to get in.
- Did you guys hear about Joan Rivers? The mortuary got $32 at the recycling center for her body.
- Went to the local mortuary with some friends to hang out. Its always nice cracking open a cold one with the boys.
- At the mortuary.. -How do you want to handle your mother in law? Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried?
-All of them, lets not take any chances - On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... A Partridge in a mortuary. (Too soon?)
- I hate waking up in the morning and feeling cold feet touching mine. That the last time I sleep in a mortuary.
- Why was the upbeat-themed mortuary not built? Because the prospective owner needed morbids.
- One great perk about working at a f**... home... I always get to bring flowers home to my wife!
(Yes, I actually work at a mortuary. No, I don't do this) - My dad wants to open a f**... home.. Doss Family Mortuary : "We'll take care of your stiffies for you"
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Mortuary One Liners
Which mortuary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mortuary? I can suggest the ones about morgue and funeral home.
- When a worker at a mortuary dies, they still have to go to work
- What has 3 wings and flies? The mortuary.
- Mastiffs... Would be a great name for a mortuary in Boston.
- How many chairs do you need in a mortuary? n-1
- [Spoilers] Where will Gamora go after the Infinity War? To the Ga-mortuary!
- Never invest in Mortuaries. Its a dying industry!
Comedy Mortuary Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about mortuary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean funerals jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mortuary pranks.
Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.
Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*
Best lines when dealing with telemarketers
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you r**... 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.
"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ok, so what about the third body?"
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the r**... from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
If geologists like rock music and mortuary scientists like death metal, what kind of music do physicists like?
Physicists enjoy dubstep, mainly because you don't have to account for wind resistance in the drop