The Best 16 Mortuary Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mortuary jokes. There are some mortuary undertaker jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mortuary cemetary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mortuary Jokes and Puns

Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.

Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is *he* smiling then?"

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.

"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"Ok, so what about the third body?"

"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is *he* smiling then?"

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Mortuary joke, Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their

I recently went to a cafe that used to be a mortuary...

It's not as good now, before people were dying to get in.

One great perk about working at a funeral home...

I always get to bring flowers home to my wife!

(Yes, I actually work at a mortuary. No, I don't do this)


Went to the local mortuary with some friends to hang out.

Its always nice cracking open a cold one with the boys.

What has 3 wings and flies?

The mortuary.

Mortuary joke, What has 3 wings and flies?

If geologists like rock music and mortuary scientists like death metal, what kind of music do physicists like?

Physicists enjoy dubstep, mainly because you don't have to account for wind resistance in the drop

At the mortuary..

-How do you want to handle your mother in law? Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried?

-All of them, lets not take any chances

Did you guys hear about Joan Rivers?

The mortuary got $32 at the recycling center for her body.

Mastiffs...

Would be a great name for a mortuary in Boston.

You can explore mortuary crematorium reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mortuary graveside dad jokes. There are also mortuary puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How many chairs do you need in a mortuary?

n-1

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

A Partridge in a mortuary. (Too soon?)

I hate waking up in the morning and feeling cold feet touching mine.

That the last time I sleep in a mortuary.

Why was the upbeat-themed mortuary not built?

Because the prospective owner needed morbids.

My dad wants to open a funeral home..

Doss Family Mortuary : "We'll take care of your stiffies for you"

Mortuary joke, My dad wants to open a funeral home..

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mortuary funeral jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mortuary morgue piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes