Mortgage Jokes

50 mortgage jokes and hilarious mortgage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mortgage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of mortgage jokes. Whether you're a first-time homebuyer or a seasoned pro, these jokes will have you rolling.

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Funniest Mortgage Short Jokes

Short mortgage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mortgage humour may include short loans jokes also.

  1. Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment! I still owe like $262,000, but I'm just not going pay them any more.
  2. A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest The man enters the bank.
    Man: I'm here to find out about the mortgage
    Employee: I don't really care.
  3. Thank you banks Thank you banks for the student loans, car loans and mortgages, which helped me survive my life.
    I don't know if I can ever repay you.
  4. I explained to my wife that we'll be paying twice as much as our house is worth over the life of our 30-year mortgage. She said interesting.
  5. A guy came up to me the other day, and shoved a gun into my face. He demanded my 'money or my life'. Guess who the burned-out pencil pusher with a mortgage and a loveless marriage is now.
  6. What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house? was repossessed!
  7. I'm starting a support group for people who think they are mortgages. The most important thing is for them to realize that they are not a loan.
  8. Why did the first mortgage seek out a second mortgage? Because it didn't like being a loan.
  9. The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at. He called it a stable investment.
  10. This man was able to retire at 35 with two kids and a mortgage! Click here to see how! He died

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Mortgage One Liners

Which mortgage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mortgage? I can suggest the ones about debt and bank loan.

  1. What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house? Mortgage freeman.
  2. Why was the mortgage so clingy? It hated being alone.
  3. Did you hear about the ghost who didn't pay his mortgage? His house was repossessed
  4. Why was the mortgage sad? Because it was a loan.
  5. What do you call an actor who finished paying-off his house loan? Mortgage Freeman
  6. How does a vampire pay the mortgage? With cryptocurrency
  7. Why couldn't Spongebob get a mortgage? Because his house was underwater.
  8. Rising sea levels have lowered the value of my home. Now my mortgage is underwater.
  9. What was the US subprime mortgage afraid of? Dying a loan.
  10. Why did the newly widowed woman stop paying her mortgage? For closure.
  11. Mortgages are going up.... But you try telling a homeless person how lucky they are!
  12. Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
  13. What do you call Macaulay Culkin's second Italian mortgage Home'a loan 2
  14. Why was watson a good mortgage agent? He works well with holmes
  15. Do you know how easy it is to commit identity theft? Also, congrats on your new mortgage!

Mortgage Loan Jokes

Here is a list of funny mortgage loan jokes and even better mortgage loan puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The bank denied my Mortgage application I don't know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000
  • What do you call a well endowed midget who packages sub prime loans for mortgages A big short
  • Why didn't the mortgage have an friends? It was a loan.
Mortgage joke, Why didn't the mortgage have an friends?

Gather Around for Fun Mortgage Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about mortgage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean borrowing money jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mortgage pranks.

A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......

phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."

Patrick wants a bike...

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"

Last mortgage payment!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment!" the guy announces. "I mean, I still owe $273,000, I just can't pay it any more."

If I had a dollar note for every time a baby boomer said my generation s**......

I would have enough money to get a mortgage in the ruined economy they made.

Did you hear about the Mortgage Enthusiast Club?

They had to disband due to lack of interest.

A reverse mortgage

sounds like a really fiscally responsible s**... position

What's the difference between a ten year mortgage on your house and an anti-vaxxer's kid?

The ten year part

A dog used lived in a clay-brick house but was evicted for not paying his mortgage..

A Dobie's adobe abode owed dough.


How to rescue the economy:
Dear President Obama,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;
pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.
All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".

Mortgage joke, America

jokes about mortgage