The Best 31 Mortgage Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mortgage jokes. There are some mortgage repossess jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mortgage loan puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mortgage Jokes and Puns

A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital sex...

phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse, you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"

"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."

What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house? was repossessed!

Why couldn't Spongebob get a mortgage?

Because his house was underwater.

Mortgage joke, Why couldn't Spongebob get a mortgage?

What do you call Macaulay Culkin's second Italian mortgage

Home'a loan 2

Mortgage Dream

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

[OC] Why did the mortgage broker go out of business?

Because he lost interest.

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.

Patient: Start with good please.

Doctor: You don't have to pay your mortgage anymore.

Mortgage joke, Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.

A patient asked the doctor on the operating table...

"Why are you taking out my kidneys?"

"Your wife said we needed the money for the mortgage."

What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house?

Mortgage freeman.

The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at.

He called it a stable investment.

Why did the newly widowed woman stop paying her mortgage?

For closure.

You can explore mortgage lender reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mortgage allowance dad jokes. There are also mortgage puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why was the mortgage so clingy?

It hated being alone.

Did you hear about the Mortgage Enthusiast Club?

They had to disband due to lack of interest.

A reverse mortgage

sounds like a really fiscally responsible sex position

What do you call a woman who sets fire to her mortgage statement?


Do you know how easy it is to commit identity theft?

Also, congrats on your new mortgage!

Mortgage joke, Do you know how easy it is to commit identity theft?

A guy came up to me the other day, and shoved a gun into my face. He demanded my 'money or my life'.

Guess who the burned-out pencil pusher with a mortgage and a loveless marriage is now.

Person: Completes 40 years of tax and home payments to finally pay off mortgage

EA: we just wanted users to feel a sense of accomplishment...

Patrick wants a bike...

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"

The bank denied my Mortgage application

I don't know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000

If I had a dollar note for every time a baby boomer said my generation sucks...

I would have enough money to get a mortgage in the ruined economy they made.

What was the US subprime mortgage afraid of?

Dying a loan.

Why was watson a good mortgage agent?

He works well with holmes

A dog used lived in a clay-brick house but was evicted for not paying his mortgage..

A Dobie's adobe abode owed dough.

This man was able to retire at 35 with two kids and a mortgage! Click here to see how!

He died

How did the bag of fertilizer help the vegetable farmer pay his mortgage?

It raised his celery...

Why didn't the mortgage have an friends?

It was a loan.

What's the difference between a ten year mortgage on your house and an anti-vaxxer's kid?

The ten year part

Mortgages are going up....

But you try telling a homeless person how lucky they are!

Rising sea levels have lowered the value of my home.

Now my mortgage is underwater.

Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment!

I still owe like $262,000, but I'm just not going pay them any more.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mortgage inflation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mortgage payments piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes