Morning Wood Jokes

65 morning wood jokes and hilarious morning wood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about morning wood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of morning wood jokes. From Funny Jokester.

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jokes about morning wood

Best Short Morning Wood Jokes

Short morning wood puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The morning wood humour may include short morning people jokes also.

  1. A Jew wakes up with morning wood and runs right into a wall. What does he say? Ouch, my nose!
  2. I named my wood chest "Morning" in Minecraft. So whenever I need some wood I can say I need some "Morning Wood".
    (This is an actual thing I have done, it's not just a cheesy joke)
  3. (Sigh) How I miss those good old days... Alas, my good old days of "morning wood" have been replaced by "morning wouldn't."
  4. I woke up with a glorious morning wood today But the kids woke up so nothing came out of it.
  5. A single letter is all it takes to change the entire meaning of the word Morning Wood
    Mourning Wood
  6. What is morning wood for women? Dawning drool.
  7. Why did the lumberjack have wood in the morning? His ax was lookin' extra sharp.
  8. Good morning! How's your wood?
  9. Why do guys get morning wood? So they can't roll out of bed
  10. A guy with morning-wood walked against a wall. Broke his nose

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about morning wood can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of morning wood puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Morning Wood One Liners

Which morning wood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with morning wood? I can suggest the ones about morning dew and morning chuckle.

  1. If guys get morning wood....... Do girls get morning dew?
  2. morning wood is like my childhood... wasted potential
  3. I hope y'all have a beautiful morning wood
  4. Sometimes in the mornings I have dirty thoughts about a dead girlfriend Mourning wood
  5. I woke up with my back stiff as a board It's morning wood
  6. Did Jesus ever have morning wood? He was a carpenter right?
    (This is courtesy of my SO)
  7. What's worse than morning wood? Mourning wood
  8. What do you call a tree that only grows at sunrise? Morning wood.
  9. Feral people don't experience morning wood... They experience morning bark
  10. I just peed with morning wood It was hard
  11. What is your favorite type of wood? Mine is morning.
  12. I hate peeing with morning wood... It's just so hard!
  13. I always wake up saying "i would like to [...]" I call it "Morning wood".
  14. What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack? Morning wood.
  15. Whats long, brown, and smells like wood in the morning? Wood.

Hilarious Morning Wood Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about morning wood you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean morning coffee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make morning wood prank.

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night.
He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door.
An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way.
Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either.
The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return.
Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"What's wrong?" asked Johnny.
"Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's f**... this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond.
On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a n**... cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest.
So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead!
"And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"

They call in morning wood

I call it breakfast in bed

The pig farmer

The pig farmer is having trouble with his pigs not breeding so he visits the vet. The vet suggests he try artificial insemination, and that if successful, the pigs will roll in the mud. Being a simple pig farmer, he thinks "artificial insemination" means "do it himself."
To save his embarrassment and to give himself and the pigs some privacy, he loads them into the back of his pickup and takes them to the woods to do the deed.
The next day he wakes up and the pigs are, unfortunately, not in the mud. Back into the pickup and out to the woods for a second day...
The next morning he wakes up and the pigs are still not rolling in the mud. The farmer loads them into the pickup again and takes them out to the woods.
The next morning the farmer is too tired and sore to get out of bed so he asks his wife if the pigs are rolling in the mud. She responds, "They aren't rolling in the mud, but they're piled into the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

John and Bill decide to play some golf one morning...

...and they're not very good. So bad, that old ladies start passing them before they hit the back nine.
At the sixteenth hole, they're both playing from the rough after their first strokes.
Waiting at the tee box they see a skinny bearded man. "Mind if I play ahead?", the man asks.
"Sure thing, buddy! Lord knows how long we'll be here.", Bill yells back.
The man hits the ball over their heads and into the rough.
Laughing and amongst themselves, they meander through the woods to find his ball being held by a squirrel. The squirrel runs up a tree, but is then swooped up by an owl. The owl takes flight over a water hazard and drops the squirrel, still holding the ball. The bearded man joins them and they walk towards the edge of the water. As they approach the water's edge, an alligator leaps out thrashes his head towards the group, spitting out the squirrel holding the golf ball. The squirrel rolls down green and into the hole, only to emerge without the ball and scurry away back into the woods. The three men run over to find the golf ball resting at the bottom of the hole.
"Jesus Christ!", John yells out.
The man nods.

One Wish

A man encounters a genie one day while walking through the woods and the genie says: "I will grant you a single wish."
The man thinks for a little bit and says: "I really like my job but my commute is terrible. I have to take a ferry every single morning because I live on an island off the coast of the city. It takes way too long. Can you build a bridge between the island I live on and the city where I work so I can drive there every morning?
The genie says; "I don't know about that. Bridges are really complicated to build and one that long is likely to be unstable or dangerous. Do you have any other wishes that are a little more realistic?"
So the man thinks for a little bit and say: "My whole life I've never understood how women think. Can you help me understand women?
The genie then says: "So when do you want me to start building that bridge?"

The Rich Old Man

A rich, brittle, 90 year old man walks into the doctors office for his usual check up. He sits down and waits until the doctor finally comes in:
Doc: Hows it goin fred?
Old Man: Good doc, but I gotta tell ya, something amazing has happened!
Doc: What that Fred?
Old man: Well, you know my girl friend is only 25 right?
Doc: Yes Fred I remember her, gorgeous girl!
Old man: Well doc, she's pregnant! I know thats normal for her but im 90 years old Doc! I must be some kind of super human! How is that even possible!
Doc: Well Fred... Let me tell you a story.... I knew a man once who lived in the middle of the woods, Sunday this man would wake up, grab his rifle that he kept next to the door, and walk out by the pond to try and shoot a b**.... Well as time went on he got older and older, and one Sunday morning this man woke up as usual and walked out the door... only this time... he grabbed his walking stick, thinking it was his rifle. he got to the pond and there sat a big beautiful b**..., the man raised his walking stick, still thinking it was his rifle, when all the sudden BANG!... the b**... dropped right on the log!
Old man: How is that possible?! All he had was a walking stick!
Doc: Thats where this story explains your situation Fred... Someone else shot their load into that b**....

Not really a joke with a punchline but this is something i wrote when i was 15, freshman year of highschool which got me suspended for a week.

The teacher told us to pair up and write a short children's story. The impending disaster of this situation was exacerbated because my friend happened to be in the class and was as like minded as me. Here's as much as we could read before the teacher kicked us out:
>The birds were chirping, and the bees were buzzing. Inside the bedroom, Mr Lumberjack arose with his morning wood... then a tiny squirrel came upon the windowsill, mouth full, panting ecstatically, to which the Lumberjack greeted, "good morning Mr Squirrel, have you had your nuts this morning?"
The teacher immediately cut me off there and sent me to the principals office.

Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"

Winter weather emergency

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in the back woods of Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently".
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." And the power goes off.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"
With all the love and understanding that men who are married to blondes (and those with grey hair) always exhibit, the husband replied, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.

One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

LPT How to beat morning wood

I find my right hand does the job quite nicely.

The logger

So a logger wakes up in the morning and goes off into the forest with his waist-bag, to find some firewood.
After finding some wood, he puts it into his waist-bag and is returning home when a man stops him and asks "What's that bulge in your bag?"
"Oh," says the logger. "Just some morning wood."

Three old ladies

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just waken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?

Why is morning wood full of holes?

Because the woodpecker.

Lunatic escapes from an asylum, goes to a launderette where he rapes three women before running off into the woods. Next morning's newspaper headlines read....


When I was younger, I really wanted a skateboard

but my parents couldn't afford one; so one morning, I woke up early and went to the garage, I got some wood and some nails… and beat my parents to death.
My foster parents bought me 5 skateboards.

Only every guy gets this.....

Morning Wood

Two guys are walking in the woods when

Two guys are walking in the woods when a wolf attacks them. They suffer a few bites, but they get patched up and go about their lives. The next month, on the next full moon, they suddenly change into wolves and run in the woods and kill a deer and do other wolf stuff.
In the morning they wake back up as humans. The first guy starts losing it. Oh my god! He shouts. We are wolves!
The second guys goes to calm him down. No, now, we are humans. We werewolves.

What garuntees a New Zealand male to have morning wood?

Counting sheep before going to sleep

I have trouble p**... with morning wood...

It's hard and won't go down.

I never did understand morning wood.

I don't typically get a**... at funerals.

My evening wouldn't normally start out with an e**......

..but my morning wood.

A sailor comes back one morning after a long time at sea

His best buddy died on the ship, so he goes announcing the news, first thing, to his widow. One thing led to another and they are starting to undress, but she suddenly stares at him and stops, asking:

-Why are you only half mast?
-It's mourning wood

The Appetizer

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Here's your beer and a complimentary plate of roasted mushrooms that I picked out in the woods behind the bar just this morning," the bartender says. "Wait, are these mushrooms even edible?" the guy asks. "Oh, come on. ALL mushrooms are edible," the bartender scoffs. "Some are just edible once."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these morning wood jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.