Morning Sickness Jokes
27 morning sickness jokes and hilarious morning sickness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about morning sickness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Morning Sickness Short Jokes
Short morning sickness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The morning sickness humour may include short miscarriage jokes also.
- I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts... They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.
- My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
- I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick. "Just how sick are you?" he said.
"well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough" - I called my boss this morning... Me: Sorry, I'm not going to make it in today, I'm sick.
Boss: How sick are you?
Me: Well, I'm in bed with my mother. - My wife was so sick this morning... that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
- What do you call an antelope who gets sick from the fruit salad the morning of his wedding? A cantelope
Guys I'm so proud of this joke - My first dad joke So, early this morning my wife got up and questioned me after I got up early with our son and fed him.
Her: Did you get our son sick?
Me: Nope, I got him cereal. - This morning i drank some milk at breakfast and everything was fine. It's when I ate my toast that I felt sick. I'm pretty sure I lack toast tolerance.
- I work for the Samaritans. Tried to call in sick this morning... But they talked me out of it.
- I was sick of my alarm clock so I bought a rooster... But now I'm starting to think I got a gay rooster. Instead of saying "c**...-a-doodle-doo" in the morning, he says "any-cockle-doo"
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Morning Sickness One Liners
Which morning sickness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with morning sickness? I can suggest the ones about morning dew and pregnancy.
- Why did the pregnant vampire feel sick? Morning sickness.
Delightful Fun Morning Sickness Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about morning sickness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean morning after pill jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make morning sickness pranks.
Chinese Sick Leave
Wong calls his boss in the morning telling him he was feeling sick and couldn't come to work.
His boss says, "You know what Wong? Sometimes when I feel sick I ask my wife for s**.... I feel better then. You should do the same."
Wong agrees and three hours later he calls his boss again.
"I do what you say and I feel better now. I come to work in a while... By the way, you have very nice house."
My mom and I were at church Sunday morning
We left the house in the usual hurry.
We made it to church and I was felling kinda sick.I told my Mom and she says to go out
side the frontdoor and she'd be out to check on me.I was about to spew so I ran towards
the door.A few minutes later I returned to my seat.Mom was surprised to see me back so quickly.
You didn't make it outside ,did you?
Didn't have to Mom ,there was a box by the door that said "for the sick or elderly"
A woman was sick and tired of hearing her husband f**... all night long and repeatedly told him that he'd s**... his guts out one day.
He kept doing it, so she bought an entire sack of pigs intestines from the butcher and put them in the man's underwear when he was asleep. When she awoke the next morning, he said, "You were right honey, I DID s**... my guts out! But with the grace of God and these two fingers, I was able to push them back in!"
As I was leaving for work this morning, I saw that my dear, sweet wife left a card for me on the table. It said, "Get better soon!"
I'm not sick or anything, I'm just bad at s**......
I was driving my wife to work this morning when she suddenly pushed my hand from the gear lever
"What are you doing?" I asked
"Well," she said, "I've kept quiet for too long and I'm sick of you not concentrating on your driving - you do the steering and I'll stir the petrol."
Just another round of Union negotiations . .
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, This man, he announced, called in sick yesterday! There, on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. Wow, he said. Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick."
A Priest with a golf addiction...
awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...
Meanwhile, Saint Peter and God are watching the wayward priest, and as he tees off God waves his hand and the ball flies straight and true all the way to the green, bounces once, and goes straight into the hole.
St Pete is confused and asks, "Why didn't you punish him?"
God responds "I did! ....who is he going to tell?"
Blonde got tired of hearing "dumb blonde" jokes.
A blonde woman decided that she was sick and tired of white men assuming she was s**... and easy because of her hair. She decided to buy a Muslim head covering and convert instead. After some diligent Googling, she set out to the mall to buy a Niqaab.
The next day she decided to sport it at the local Mosque because she couldn't figure out where all the Muslim men went to meet women. After an unsuccessful and quite confusing experience at morning prayers, she stopped a woman on the way out of the Mosque and asked if the men didn't talk to her because they could tell she was blond.
"No, but that's a real nice ski mask!"
For the sick
Little Bob went with his mom to church every Sunday. One morning in the middle of the service Bob complained that he was feeling a bit queasy and was afraid he was going to p**.... No problem dear, whispered his Mom in his ear, just head on over to the bathroom on the other side of the Church, and take care of it there. Thirty seconds later Bob came back. Did you go to the bathroom? question his Mom. No need responded Bob. Right outside the door was a big box with a sign next to it 'for the sick', so I just did it in there!
Guy keeps calling off work on Mondays....
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f-----g her."
The boss says, "You f--k your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
A man walks into a CenterLink office
A man walked into his local CenterLink office (where unemployed Australians go to collect welfare payments and apply for work), and says to the clerk at the counter.....
"I am so sick of being on the dole! I need you to get me a job like NOW!!"
The clerk replies "You're timing is fantastic, we just had a new job vacancy arrive this morning!"
"Basically, a very rich man has a nymphomaniac daughter, he requires a bodyguard/chauffeur to e**... her everyday, everywhere she goes etc....
.... The starting pay rate is $250,000 per year, you will have an apartment next door to hers free of charge, the father will work out any additional requirements with you when you start the job."
The man is flabbergasted, he says "So, when can I start? I can't believe this! You must be kidding me!"
The clerk looks him straight in the eye and says, "Kidding? Well, you started it!"
tom and his boss
n the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me s**.... That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Tom calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.
My British fathers signature Dadjoke
There once were two neighbouring farms, and the two farmers who lived there like many farmers would always adhere to their daily routine.
Every morning at 9 am after feeding all the livestock, they would arrive at their mailboxes at exactly the same time to collect their newspaper and have some smalltalk before heading back up the long road to their farms.
Farmer Brown :"Morning farmer Joe"
Farmer Joe : "Morning farmer Brown"
Farmer Brown : "I heard you had a sick cow last week"
Farmer Joe : "Oh I did all right, a very sick cow"
Farmer Brown : "Well what did you give it?"
Farmer Joe : "Turpentine"
and so they went on their way
A month or so goes by and they meet once again
Farmer Brown :"Morning farmer Joe"
Farmer Joe : "Morning farmer Brown"
Farmer Brown : "I had a sick cow yesterday and I tried turpentine like you said. It died."
Farmer Joe : "yeah mine too"
skipping church
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee,
he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from
the heavens and exclaimed "You're not going to let him get away with this, are
you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
Bill, Bonnie, and Ted
So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally start living a pretty decent life. They have food in abundance, and their shelter protects them from occasional rains. A few weeks go by and once the stress of washing up on an island ebbs away, they start having urges. So they start having s**.... They're only human, they all have needs. Luckily enough Bonnie never gets pregnant, so they've basically got the perfect setup.
This goes on for a number of months, and all of a sudden Bonnie dies from a mysterious illness. Bill and Ted are crushed, they feel like their having s**... with Bonnie caused her to develop this sickness and die. They're deep in mourning but, eventually, time does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks, they start having urges again. And hey, there's no one around to judge them, so Bill and Ted continue having s**.... This continues for a couple of weeks, and then one morning Bill and Ted wake up with this weird feeling... Like what they're doing is wrong, like it's against God's will, it's not what he would have wanted...
So they decide to bury Bonnie