Morning Greeting Jokes
27 morning greeting jokes and hilarious morning greeting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about morning greeting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Morning Greeting Short Jokes
Short morning greeting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The morning greeting humour may include short morning coffee jokes also.
- Have a good day When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day.
Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home. - UFC president Dana White called Conor McGregor this morning... He greeted him with "Buenos Diaz"
- Show me a man who every morning greets the sun with a smile.. ..and I'll show you a man with a tanned gum.
- I was walking my dog through a graveyard at dawn I saw someone crouching by a headstone. I greeted them: 'Morning!'
They replied 'Nope, just having a s**....'
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Morning Greeting One Liners
Which morning greeting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with morning greeting? I can suggest the ones about woke morning and morning people.
- How does a German bread greet you in the morning? Gluten tag!
- How does Perry the pea pod greet his mate Kevin the corn kernel? Morn'in cob.
- How do you greet a racist m**...? Good morning officer .
Morning Greeting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about morning greeting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean morning announcement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make morning greeting pranks.
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning.
A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning when he sees an elderly man crouched by a gravestone. Not wishing to appear rude the dog-walker greets the elderly man with a cheery:
"Morning!"
The elderly man replies:
"Oh no, just taking a dump."
Please stand up
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is s**... please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a m**...?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
I woke up this morning at 9:30, made coffee, stepped out for the day's first cigarette, and was greeted by a gorgeous spring day. The sun was shining the birds were singing...
Then I ripped a**... like a bologna windmill slapping a tile floor.
Two young salmon are swimming along one day.
As they do, they are passed by an older, wiser fish, who greets them with "morning, boys, how's the water today?"
The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, until the first one turns to the other and asks, "What the h**... is water?"
The Texan Rancher and the Kentucky Farmer
A Texas Rancher was driving his truck through Kentucky one day when he sees a farmer out tending his field. He pulls over on a whim to talk to the farmer.
"Greetings friend! This looks like a pretty nice farm. How much land do you have?"
The Farmer gestures, "Well you see that river down yonder? My farm stretches from that river to the rock pile over the next hill."
The Rancher replies, "That is a fair bit of land, but back in Texas I've got so much land I can get into my truck at dawn on one edge of it, drive all morning and still not reach the other side by noon."
The Farmer is thoughtful for a moment and says, "You know, I had a truck like that once."
A married couple goes on safari....
A married couple goes on safari in Africa. Upon their arrival, they're greeted by a guide who shows them around as they explore the landscape and catch glimpses of the wildlife.
In the distance, however, there is a constant tribal drumming that continues day and night, without stop. It goes on for days and days until one morning it suddenly stops. The guide freezes and begins to sweat, nervously. Panicked, the couple asks,
"What's wrong? What's happening?"
"Drums stop--very bad."
The guide shifts, uncomfortably.
"Next comes bass solo."
Bob forgets his anniversary.
Bob woke up one morning to find his wife waiting for him in the kitchen, looking unusually angry.
"What's wrong dear?"
"Do you know what yesterday was?"
At that moment Bob realized that yesterday was his anniversary with his wife.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry how could I forget?"
"Well it doesn't matter. I want something that can go 0-200 in less then 60 seconds on the front yard tomorrow."
The next morning, Bob's wife woke up and couldn't find Bob. So she went out in the front yard. Greeting her was neither a car nor Bob, it was a small cardboard box. Perplexed, she took the box inside the house and opened it.
Inside was a bathroom scale.
New Lawyer
After successfully passing the bar exam, a man opened his own law office. He was sitting idle at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him. "Show him right in!" our lawyer replied. As Mr. Jones was being ushered in our lawyer had an idea. He quickly picks up the phone and shouts into it " ...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!" Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones; "Good Morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?"
"I'm from the phone company," Mr. Jones replied, "I'm here to connect your phone."
Two students go skiing..
Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"
Which tire was flat?
Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"
Not really a joke with a punchline but this is something i wrote when i was 15, freshman year of highschool which got me suspended for a week.
The teacher told us to pair up and write a short children's story. The impending disaster of this situation was exacerbated because my friend happened to be in the class and was as like minded as me. Here's as much as we could read before the teacher kicked us out:
>The birds were chirping, and the bees were buzzing. Inside the bedroom, Mr Lumberjack arose with his morning wood... then a tiny squirrel came upon the windowsill, mouth full, panting ecstatically, to which the Lumberjack greeted, "good morning Mr Squirrel, have you had your nuts this morning?"
The teacher immediately cut me off there and sent me to the principals office.
Blood Bank
A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a woman.
He said, "Good morning, which floor are you going to?" She responded, "3rd floor." He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.
As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the woman where she was going.
She said, "I'm going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income." Then she asked the
gentleman where he was going.
He responded, "I'm going to the s**... bank on the 5th floor; I donate s**... there once a week for $50 to supplement my income".
The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator doors with his hand, the doors opened and the woman was standing inside.
He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was going to the 3rd floor?
At this point in the joke, the teller raises five fingers and makes a suitable mouth-full-of-s**... noise.
There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.
On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.
"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful and I smell... I think I smell pancakes! With syrup and blueberry!
So Ma Mole comes out into the doorway and says, "You're right! I can smell... Eggs! Eggs and Bacon with crispy toast! Junior, you must smell this!"
So Junior gets up and tries to squeeze between the two big moles. He tries and tries, but finds himself wedged between their backsides.
"Junior!" Ma says, "What do you smell?"
"I don't know" he replies, "All I can smell is molasses!"
the teacher and the vandal
One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word p**...' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word p**...' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
Down on the farm.....
One day Farmer John decides to visit Farmer Bill's farm. He gets there early in the morning and is greeted by Farmer Bill. Farmer John tells Farmer Bill: "Bill, you've got yourself a nice, little farm here. Really small but over all it's kind of nice."
Farmer Bill replies: "Thank you John."
Farmer John says: "Bill, you know, MY farm is so BIG I can get up in the morning, hop in my truck and drive around until sunset and STILL not reach the end of MY farm."
Farmer Bill says: "Yep. I used to have a truck like that. Sold it though."