Morning Chuckle Jokes
13 morning chuckle jokes and hilarious morning chuckle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about morning chuckle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Morning Chuckle Short Jokes
Short morning chuckle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The morning chuckle humour may include short morning greeting jokes also.
- Despite what people think, it's not all doom and gloom being a morgue attendant. This morning I had a right little Chuckle.
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Morning Chuckle Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about morning chuckle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chuckle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make morning chuckle pranks.
Got the whole ice cream shop with this one:
While I was out with the family getting ice cream, the crowded shop had one of those awkward moments where everyone randomly goes quiet all at the same time - just as the confectioner handed me my ice cream.
I proceeded to ask Where does someone learn to make ice cream this good?
Confectioner - I'm not sure… the morning crew makes the batches
Did they learn at sundae school???
I could not have been prouder with the chorus of groans and chuckles that rang throughout the shop.
At the Doctor's Office
Was at the doctor's office to get a check up this morning:
*doctor pulls out needle for shot*
Me: Oh boy, needles make me a little nervous. I'm not gonna look.
Doctor: That's okay. I won't either.
Then he gave me the shot before I had the chance to chuckle!
My grandpa told me this one today
There was a boy who lived on a farm. He decided that he wanted to pull an Easter prank. So the next morning he went into the hen house and swapped out all the eggs for colorful Easter eggs. When the rooster came in he took one look at the eggs and then immediate ran and killed the peacock.
Not the best joke but it made me chuckle
I passed a group of Girl Scouts this morning, with a stall that read..
.."Home-Made Lemonade: £15.00, o**... s**...: £5.00"
"Here's twenty pounds, girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up," I chuckled.
"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade," said the sweaty fat one.
Birds and the bees.
A little boy asks his father, "dad? I know what my private parts look like but what does a girl's look like?"
The dad, shocked by his sons question, thinks hard about his answer, "son" he says, "imagine a bright pink rose on a dewy morning."
The son ponders this then asks, "well what does it look like after s**...?"
The father chuckles, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast and as I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all and I gave her a b**... right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She chuckled, "The egg timer's broken."
A Father and his Son are driving down a foggy road in the early morning.
The son says to his father, Wow, Dad. This is a lot of fog! To which the dad then responds It sure is son! The two drive down the road about a mile or so and finally reach a stoplight. To break the silence, the father says while chuckling. You know Son, when I die I hope I turn into a horrible fog, just like this one. Confused, the son asks Well why would you want that? To which the Dad replies, still laughing. So I won't be mist!
A woman put an ad in on Craigslist
"Want: a man who won't run around on me, a man who won't a**... me, and a man who is great in bed. Please apply in person."
She submitted it and waited a few weeks, but no one came to apply.
Finally, the door bell ran one morning. She went to answer the doorbell and there was a man in a wheelchair who had no arms or legs.
"Please tell me you aren't here from the craigslist ad."
He responded, "Well of course I am! I haven't got any arms so I can't a**... you."
"Well yes, that's true."
"I'm missing legs so I can't run around on you."
Chuckling she added, "Ok ok. But are you good in bed?"
Smirking he said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
Downhill Skiing
3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the morning, as they made their way down the mountain, bob was telling the other two about his dream last night. Bob said, "man I dreamt this buxom blonde gave me a vigorous h**... last night." Tim chuckled and said " I dreamt I was getting a h**... from a beautiful woman as well." Jack merely shrugged and said " I dreamed I was downhill skiing."
A long-married man has a routine...
... That greatly bothers his wife. Every morning, he wakes up, gets out of bed, and rips a f**... loud enough to wake the dead (or his living wife).
So, when she has finally had enough, she wants to make sure that he will never wake with his thunderous flatulence.
One morning, she gets up early, and sneaks to the kitchen for a bowl leftover bits and giblets of turkey she had in the fridge. She steals back to the bedroom, places the contents of the bowl in her husband's underwear. Then she goes downstairs, and begins to make breakfast.
After about half an hour, the hears the creak of the mattress, a loud f**..., and a scream of confusion and fear. She chuckles to herself, and continues to make breakfast with a smirk on her face.
After another half hour, she begins to wonder: Where *is* her husband? But her query is answered within minutes. Her husband waddles into the kitchen looking happy.
She asks, "What was that scream about?"
And her husband replies: "Honey, somehow I managed to f**... my guts out. But, with a little luck, and these two fingers, I was able to shove 'em back in!"
Charley is a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart,
just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly"policies.
One day the boss called him into the office fora talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-upjob when you finally get here; but your being late so often
is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
I know you're retired from the US NAVY. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,
"They usually saluted and said,
'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"
An Englishman is having breakfast in Paris one morning....
...(coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: 'You English folk eat the whole bread??'
Englishman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside.. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The Englishman listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??'
Englishman: 'Of Course.'
Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).
'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England .'
After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: 'Do you have s**... in France ?'
Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.
Englishman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'
Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'
Englishman: 'We don't. In England , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France .'