The Best 75 Morn Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Morn jokes. There are some morn rupert jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these morn tuesday puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Morn Jokes and Puns

Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.

It's my longest running joke of the year.

This morning I saw a homeless guy talking to his shadow...

Does that mean six more weeks of recession?

This morning I...

changed a lightbulb, then I walked across the street so I could walk into a bar, and then is suddenly realized: my life is a joke.

Morn joke, This morning I...

One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas...

How he got into my pajamas, I don't know.

- Groucho Marx

There's now a morning after pill for guys.

It changes your blood type.


Every morning, I get out of bed and run around the block 5 times.

Then I slide the block back under the bed and go back to sleep.

Morning Jew

Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Centre."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property? The schmuck had a paper round!"

Morn joke, Morning Jew

Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times...

Then I pick up the block, and put it back in the toy box.

So on the morning of 9/11 then Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf rang up Bush

Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush - "What buildings? What people?"

Musharraf - "Oh, what time is it in America now?"

Bush - "It's eight in the morning."

Musharraf - "Oops... Will call back in an hour."

This morning some bloke drove up to my house in a huge lorry and dumped off a massive pile of lego blocks.

I'm so furious I don't know what to make of it.

This morning I made the strongest coffee ever. It's so black a cop kicked in my door and shot it.

You can explore morn sunday reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean morn saturday dad jokes. There are also morn puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door.

My plumber has a weird sense of humour.

This morning I read about that 14 year boy with a clock they thought was a bomb

...I just checked again and it's really blown up since then

This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage.

Sometimes in the mornings I have dirty thoughts about a dead girlfriend

Mourning wood

This morning I was wondering why the sun wasn't rising...

And then it dawned on me

Morn joke, This morning I was wondering why the sun wasn't rising...

This morning I mixed redbull with coffee to help me wake up.

I got about halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

In the morning, I woke up on the floor next to my bed.

I must have fell asleep.

The other morning my Mom came downstairs wearing nothing but a very suggestive nightgown.

When I asked, she said it was a Freudian slip.


This morning I woke up confused and in the dark.

Then it dawned on me.

This morning I was at the atm when an elderly woman asked if I could check her balance

So I pushed her over

It was three o'clock in the morning. . .

. . . and I hear somebody pounding on the front door to my apartment. I open it up, it's my neighbor. Three o'clock in the morning, here he is banging on my door, can you believe it?

Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

This morning, I tried explaining to my dad why f(y)=y^2 is not exponential growth.

It was not e^asy.

This morning I said to the mirror: "You will go there now and you will ask the girl you like out!"

My mirror then went there and asked the girl I like out.

Some mornings I wake up bitchy...

Other mornings I let her sleep.

This morning I woke up to a blow job.

Oh wait, my job blows every morning.

This morning, someone asked for a donation to the local swimming pool

I gave him a glass of water

This morning I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of water...

...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...

I've been having my morning poo at 7:15am every single day for the past 10 or so years

Pity I always wake up at 7:30!

This morning, the doctor told me I was colorblind.

It came completely out of the orange.

This morning I mixed Red Bull with my coffee

This morning I mixed Red Bull with my coffee. I was more than half way to work before I realized that I forgot my car.

This morning there was a tap on my door

My plumber has a weird sense of humor

Every morning for 18 years, when I left the house, I'd kiss my wife goodbye.

Then when I left the wife, I kissed my house goodbye.

This morning my boss arrived at work on a brand-new Lamborghini.

This morning my boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. I said "wow, that's an amazing car!"

He replied "If you work hard, put all your hours in and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year."

This morning I was really tired, so I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

________________

Not really a joke, I just heard this years ago and it still makes me laugh.

This morning I saw an ad for burial plots.

That's the last thing I need.

This morning, everything was coming my way

That's when I realized I had drifted into the wrong lane

I was out one morning with my Uncle Jim

When someone threw a tomato at him
"Tomatoes don't hurt!" Shouted Uncle Jim
The next one did, it came in a tin

This morning there was a tap on the front door

Funny sense of humour, that plumber.

One morning, a little girl goes into the living room and asks her mother...

"Why did you name me Rose, mom?"

Mom says, "As we we leaving the hospital after you were born, a rose petal fell on your head. So we named you Rose."

The daughter says, "Is that why my little brother is named Leaf and little sister is named Rain?"

"Yes," Mom says. "Exactly."

A fourth child pipes up from beside them. "DARGLE BUBPHHH BIBI MMMMOOMOOO!"

"Quiet, Brick!" Mom says.

morning wood is like my childhood...

wasted potential

The morning of his birthday, Timmy told his mom, I had a dream I got a BB Gun for my birthday. What do you think that dream means?

You'll know what it means tonight, Timmy's mom said with an encouraging smile. That night, after the birthday cake, Timmy's mom came in with a long narrow package and gave it to her son. Timmy tore the box open. Finally I get a BB gun, he thought. But he thought wrong. The box was empty except for a book called The Meaning of Dreams.

Almost every morning, I wake up grumpy...

...but sometimes, I let her sleep.

This morning my wife asked me if I would like to yoga class with her...

Namaste in bed.

This morning I woke my girl with oral sex

This morning I woke my girl with oral sex.

Ohh, what did she say?

"ftop it"

On the morning of my sixteenth birthday, my parents decided to surprise me with a car.

But they missed.

This morning I told my wife we were out of protein powder. She replied.....

No Whey

This morning I choked on water while jogging for the third time this week...

Worst running gag ever.

This morning Alabama announced they have discovered a new use for sheep.

Wool.

This morning I entered a store...

I noticed the clerk had a missing hand and a watch on it, that kept falling.

\-Why don't you wear it on the other hand?

\-And how am I supposed to put it on, smartass?



I've decided to mind my own business from now on.

Every morning I eat French mushrooms...

It's the breakfast of champignons

This morning I ripped 'afresh' and 'anew' from my dictionary.



Tonight, I will kill again

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.

It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.

I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.

This morning eleven naked Japanese men came into my room.

Apparently it's my bu-cake day or something?

In the morning, the mother wakes up the child "Come on, wake up, you know the quarantine is over and school starts again!"

"But, mom, why do I have to go? I hate school!"

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"One: all children hate me, two: all teachers hate me even more!"

"These are just excuses, get up once and for all!"

"But then YOU give me two reasons to go."

"One: you are 41 years old, two: you are the school principal!"

I got Up this morning.

I thought why not since it's a pretty darn good movie.

This morning I acidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I got half way to work before I realized I had forgotten my car.

At 3'o'clock in the morning, a wife hears her husband stumble in through the door,

She goes down stairs and sees him standing in the doorway drunk.

she says Have you been drinking?

the husband laughed and said No honey, I drove home.

The wife's face drops and she begins to panic.

The husband then starts to freak out and says What's wrong?!

The wife looks at him and angrily says
You can't drive and neither of us own a car.

Every morning when I jog I reflect on my life and I want to throw up.

It's a running gag.

This morning I woke up, changed a lightbulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar.

My life's a joke

This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard.

Actually it was a jaw breaker

This morning I was beat up by a woman in an elevator

I was staring at her knockers and she said "Could you please press one?", so I did.

It's 3 in the morning and an elderly Jewish man is flying down the highway at 105 mph. A state trooper pulls him over.

"Where in the hell are you racing to at this hour?"

"To a lecture, officer."

"Who gives a lecture at 3 a.m.?"

"My wife."

Every morning I tell my wife I'm going jogging

It's a running joke

Every morning when I leave the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.

It's a vicious cycle.

Every morning on my way to work, I slip on the frozen newspaper on my front step.

I have fallen on some hard Times.

This morning my daughter asked if she could watch titty videos.

Did you know that sometimes little kids make a t sound when they mean to make a k sound?

Anyway I gotta go I'm in a bunch of trouble.

This morning I told my wife, The only thing I don't like about robes is that you can't poop in them . She nodded her head understandingly.

I said, Yeah the pockets are just too small.

This morning I was on the way to work, but I wasn't paying attention and ended up rear ending another car. The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf. He looked at me and said I'm not happy.

I replied Well, which one are you then?

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the damn door you're never going to get in there!

This morning when I started work, my boss called me and said, You missed work yesterday, didn't you?!

I said, No, not particularly.

This morning I thought I was going senile when I couldn't remember where I'd put my watch.

Then, fortunately, my wife reminded me that I haven't worn a watch in 5 years.

This morning I went to a meeting at my premature ejaculaters support group.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

One morning, a priest gives a sermon on the Seven Deadly Sins

After the sermon, a guy goes up to the priest and says, "Father, thank you so much for giving that sermon. It meant so much to me, and I'll tell you why. I lost my hat last week and I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally decided to steal a new one from the store, but now that I heard your sermon, I'm not going to."

The priest smiles and says, "That's good, my son. The part about 'thou shalt not steal' moved you, did it?"

The guy says, "Nope. After that part about adultery, I remember where I left my hat."

This morning i sneezed all over my toast while eating it...

I can't believe it snot butter...

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the morn 7am jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working morn sunrise piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes