Mormon Drinking Jokes
15 mormon drinking jokes and hilarious mormon drinking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mormon drinking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Mormon Drinking Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good mormon drinking joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a m**... to stop drinking all of your alcohol?
Invite two of them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a m**... who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have s**... with strangers?
An oxymormon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, a m**... and an Irishman are on a plane
They were seated next to each other on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Mormons do you take fishing with you?
Two.
If you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Utahn grandpa's favorite joke: why should you always bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing?
Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fishing in Utah
A Catholic in Utah once told me, "If you ever go fishing with a m**..., make sure you bring two."
"Why's that?" I asked.
"If you just bring one he will drink all your beer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer?
One if nobody is watching.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't understand Mormons....
How can you have more than one wife and not drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irishman walks into a bar...
An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from the next, until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "You know, they'd be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time."
The man says, "Yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we all went our separate ways, we promised each other that we'd drink this way in memory of the days when we drank together. Each of these is for one of my brothers and the third is for me."
The bartender is touched, and says, "What a great custom!"
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always orders the same way.
One day he comes in and orders two pints. The other regulars notice, and a silence falls over the bar. When he comes to the bar for his second round, the bartender says, "Please accept my condolences, pal."
The Irishman says, "Oh, no, everyone's fine. I just joined the m**... Church, and I had to quit drinking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remembering Brothers
A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of brew and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it so it would taste better if you bought just one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin and I'm in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we were together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs! All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.......
"It's just that my wife and I joined the m**... Church and obviously I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Man Goes To His Doctor for a Complete Checkup
He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you only have one year to live." the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. Is there anything I can do?" the man asks.
"Well yes, you can stop drinking, stop having promiscuous s**..., and join the m**... church" the doctor replies.
"Will that make me live longer?" the man asks
"No, but it will be the longest year of your life..."
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Mormon Drinking One Liners
Which mormon drinking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mormon drinking? I can suggest the ones about beer drinking and irish drinking.
- How do you get a m**... to stop drinking all of your alcohol? Invite two of them.
- How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer? One if nobody is watching.
- I don't understand Mormons.... How can you have more than one wife and not drink?