Morgue Jokes
90 morgue jokes and hilarious morgue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about morgue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This tongue-in-cheek article explores the morbid topic of morgue humor and the surprisingly amusing jokes circulated within the county and city morgue community. From cold mortuary humor to dark gags about stiffs, learn all about why morbidly-inclined people find morgue jokes so funny.
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Funniest Morgue Short Jokes
Short morgue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The morgue humour may include short mortuary jokes also.
- So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right? But when I cuddle another guy I'm a creep and need to leave the morgue immediately
- What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet? Remains to be seen.
- Today morgue employee got cremated by mistake while taking a nap... I guess two people got fired that day!
- I tried a deadlift for the first time last week... The mortician sternly asked me to leave the morgue.
- Due to the lack of space, the city morgue and the comedy club will be in the same building This Friday is open Mike night.
- Coroner: "i came across my exe wife at the morgue last night." Doctor: "was it hard to take?"
Coroner: "not really, I'm used to her ignoring me." - Where exactly are you taking me doctor? -Where exactly are you taking me doctor?
-To the morgue.
-What? But, I'm not dead yet.
-And we are not there yet! - I hate my job at the morgue, nobody gets my sense of humor. I swear I'm working with a bunch of stiffs.
- Necrophiliac joke A couple of necrophiliacs were walking around town. One of them saw a morgue and said:
"Hey, wanna go in for a couple of cold ones?" - Doctor, you have to help me! I see dead people... Doctor: For the last time, you work in a morgue!
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Morgue One Liners
Which morgue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with morgue? I can suggest the ones about cemetery and mummy.
- I lost two things today. My virginity... ...and my job at the morgue.
- I don't normally go out, but Open Mike Night sounded fun. Then we got to the morgue.
- me: do you serve walk-ins? Morgue receptionist: What?
- What does a magician working in a morgue say? Abracadaver!
- I went to a party at a morgue the other day We cracked open a few cold ones
- The best part about working in a morgue Remains to be seen.
- I have the heart of a champion, the brain of a genius and the keys to the county morgue.
- I'm the life and soul of my workplace I work in a morgue
- What's the policy at French morgues? Baguette and tag it.
- Where's the best party at? Morgue...people are literally dying to get in
- What's a mortician's favorite drink? A morgue-arita.
- I tried buying some frozen dates, but the morgue was closed.
- Where's the best place to do a mannequin challenge? In a morgue.
- I found out where to get credible sources for anti-vaxers!!! The Morgue
- I have a lot of work to do in the morgue today. There's a new deadline I need to meet.
Amusing Morgue Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about morgue you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean graveyard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make morgue pranks.
A doctor from the morgue calls the local dealership: "How many motorcycles did you sell today?" "Four."
"Oh, looks like one is still riding"
Why did the blonde want to work in the morgue?
Because she heard she would be surrounded by stiffs.
Hey, man. Can I get a cold one?
"Sorry sir, the morgue is closed after 6."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was having s**... with a girl from work...
She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us.
Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue.
What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue?
Icy dead people!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best lines when dealing with telemarketers
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you r**... 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
The morgue needed someone to identify the exact weapon used to kill Native Americans...
Apparently Jack Daniels still does.
What's the motto of the ghoul's convention?
The morgue the merrier.
I just participated in a silent disco.
Well, I got drunk at the morgue.
"Alright man let's crack open a few cold ones, it's going to be a fun night"
Said one necrophiliac to another as they walked into the morgue
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor was caught having s**... with one of his patients...
He was fired from his job at the morgue.
"Nurse, where are we going?"
"To the morgue."
"But I haven't died yet!"
"The doc said 'to the morgue' — to the morgue it is!"
"But what is wrong with me?!"
"The autopsy will show!"
A sick guy is in an ambulance.
He notices that the driver drives right past the hospital and says: Hey, where are you taking me?
The driver says: To the morgue.
The sick guy goes: The morgue? But I'm not dead yet.
Driver goes: We're not at the morgue yet.
Things got a bit freaky during foreplay the other night.
I thought I heard someone entering the morgue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate asked me why I have s**... noises saved on my phone.
I said, It's for sound effects during s**....
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.
It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office.
Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.
What was the vampire doing at the morgue?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
Do you ever wake up, make love to the person next to you and be thankful you're alive?
I did this morning, I have to stop falling asleep at the morgue.
The local morgue was clearing out old bodies.
Bunch of necrophiles showed up.
How did I know they were necrophiles?
It was a dead giveaway.
I got fired from the morgue.
They caught me with my cookie in the hand jar.
It's hard bringing your work home
Especially if you work at the morgue.
[OC] Did you hear about the actor who quit his job to become a Medical Examiner in a small town in Virginia?
It's true: Morgan Freeman works at a morgue in Freeman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Morgue m**... Caught
The infamous Morgue m**... was finally apprehended for his crimes of breaking into morgues and brutally slitting the throats of unsuspecting employees.
It turns out that it really never pays to cut coroners.
I'm creating a tv show where a man who lives with dead people is proved innocent of a crime
Its called Morgue and Freeman
A Japanese student went to America to study the human body.
He was found in a morgue by one of its workers. When asked what he was doing he said:
I'm studying abroad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey Tommy why're you so out of breath?
Well I was just having the best s**... of my life!
Wow it was so good it took your breath away?
Oh nah, I had to run - I heard a door open on the other side of the morgue
What did the guy from the puppy morgue say to the veterinarian?
I'm picking up what you're putting down
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best s**... ever
That frustrating moment when you're having the best s**... of your life but people walk in so you have to run out of the morgue.
I love the morgue
It's the best place to crack a cold one with the boys.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you only eat meat, you're a carnivore, If you only eat plants you're a vegetarian, If you eat both you're an omnivore, but if you eat humans you're a cannibal and are asked to leave the morgue.
This popular new morgue opened up downtown...
Everyone is dying to get in
Despite what people think, it's not all doom and gloom being a morgue attendant.
This morning I had a right little Chuckle.
Why was the mathematician disappointed by the empty morgue?
There was no body to count on.
Farts aren't usually scary.
Unless you hear them in a morgue.
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card
Unfortunately, they don't let letters in the morgue.
What do you call a multi storey morgue
Bodybuilding
A perk of a career at the morgue is you always get the coroner office.
The only downside is the stiff competition.
Cracking open a cold one with the boys sounded like a lot of fun,
until we pulled up to the morgue.
What was Lil Peep's last hit?
The morgue table.
My trainer told me to do 50 bodyweight squats...
...but I could barely do 20. And now everyone in the morgue is staring at me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Headlines: Morgue Employee Accidentally Cremates Someone While They're Still Alive!
I guess you can say two people got fired that day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a sick friend in hospital today...
He was m**... in the morgue.
Why did the dead hipster look so bad?
He came to the morgue before it was cool.
If you encounter enemies, you're on the right path
Unless when you're walking in a morgue, that is.
I once chased out a guy who was trying to steal meat cooking in one of the ovens
You meet a lot of strange people at the Morgue
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can this corona be transmitted via s**...?
Please, someone let me know. It's urgent.
I work at the morgue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man
A man died with an e**.... the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying i'm on my period. the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion!
I found my ex girlfriend's dead body at the morgue I work at
She's still giving me the cold shoulder.
My wife was so upset when I brought a basket full of cadaver feet home from the morgue the week before Christmas...
I thought they'd make great stocking-stuffers.
Women. I just can't read 'em.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day I saw this huge crowd of dodgy looking people lining up at the local morgue, they were all leaving with these big heavy looking bags over their shoulders. I could just tell something i**... was going on.
It was a dead giveaway
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I met my favorite celebrity at work.
It s**... working in a morgue
A bedridden hospital patient takes a turn for the worse and a doctor comes to check on them.
The doctor does a quick examination, then releases the brakes on the bed's wheels and rolls them out of the room. "Alright, it's time to move you down to the East Wing."
"What's the East Wing?" asks the patient.
"The morgue." replies the doctor.
"W-wait, the morgue?! But I'm not dead yet!"
"It's a long hallway."
there's no better experience than cracking open a cold one at the end of the work day
i love working at the morgue.
