The Best 54 Morgue Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Morgue jokes. There are some morgue cemeteries jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these morgue necrophiles puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Morgue Jokes and Puns

A doctor from the morgue calls the local dealership: "How many motorcycles did you sell today?" "Four."

"Oh, looks like one is still riding"

Necrophiliac joke

A couple of necrophiliacs were walking around town. One of them saw a morgue and said:
"Hey, wanna go in for a couple of cold ones?"

What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet?

Remains to be seen.

Morgue joke, What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet?

So I was having sex with a girl from work...

She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us.

Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue.

Two necrophiliacs

Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a morgue. The first necrophiliac says to the second "Want to stop in for a couple of cold ones?"


What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue? [OC]

Icy dead people!

Two necrophiliacs were walking by a morgue.

One necrophiliac says to another necrophiliac, "Want to stop by and get a couple of cold ones?"

Morgue joke, Two necrophiliacs were walking by a morgue.

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

I lost two things today. My virginity...

...and my job at the morgue.

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

Why did the gay necropheliac stop by the morgue on his way home?

He wanted to suck down a few cold ones after work.

You can explore morgue stiffs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean morgue crematorium dad jokes. There are also morgue puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Where's the best place to do a mannequin challenge?

In a morgue.

I just participated in a silent disco.

Well, I got drunk at the morgue.

Doctor, you have to help me! I see dead people...

Doctor: For the last time, you work in a morgue!

I went to a party at a morgue the other day

We cracked open a few cold ones

A doctor was caught having sex with one of his patients...

He was fired from his job at the morgue.

Morgue joke, A doctor was caught having sex with one of his patients...

"Nurse, where are we going?"

"To the morgue."

"But I haven't died yet!"

"The doc said 'to the morgue' — to the morgue it is!"

"But what is wrong with me?!"

"The autopsy will show!"

I tried a deadlift for the first time last week...

The mortician sternly asked me to leave the morgue.

I tried buying some frozen dates,

but the morgue was closed.


What does a necrophiliac get when he wakes up at the morgue? NSFW

Mourning wood.

I'm sorry.

A sick guy is in an ambulance.

He notices that the driver drives right past the hospital and says: Hey, where are you taking me?

The driver says: To the morgue.

The sick guy goes: The morgue? But I'm not dead yet.

Driver goes: We're not at the morgue yet.

Things got a bit freaky during foreplay the other night.

I thought I heard someone entering the morgue.

My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during sex.

He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?

I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office.

Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.

Me : Hi, do you take walk-ins?

Morgue : What?

What was the vampire doing at the morgue?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

Do you ever wake up, make love to the person next to you and be thankful you're alive?

I did this morning, I have to stop falling asleep at the morgue.

I got fired from the morgue.

They caught me with my cookie in the hand jar.

I don't normally go out, but Open Mike Night sounded fun.

Then we got to the morgue.

Today morgue employee got cremated by mistake while taking a nap...

I guess two people got fired that day!

Morgue Murderer Caught

The infamous Morgue Murderer was finally apprehended for his crimes of breaking into morgues and brutally slitting the throats of unsuspecting employees.

It turns out that it really never pays to cut coroners.

Hey Tommy why're you so out of breath?

Well I was just having the best sex of my life!

Wow it was so good it took your breath away?

Oh nah, I had to run - I heard a door open on the other side of the morgue

What does a magician working in a morgue say?

Abracadaver!

I have a lot of work to do in the morgue today.

There's a new deadline I need to meet.

Best sex ever

That frustrating moment when you're having the best sex of your life but people walk in so you have to run out of the morgue.

I love the morgue

It's the best place to crack a cold one with the boys.

Despite what people think, it's not all doom and gloom being a morgue attendant.

This morning I had a right little Chuckle.

Why was the mathematician disappointed by the empty morgue?

There was no body to count on.

me: do you serve walk-ins?

Morgue receptionist: What?

I found out where to get credible sources for anti-vaxers!!!

The Morgue

I saw a sick friend in hospital today...

He was masturbating in the morgue.

I love jerking off with a dead arm

But i think thats the reason i got fired from the morgue

If you encounter enemies, you're on the right path

Unless when you're walking in a morgue, that is.

I once chased out a guy who was trying to steal meat cooking in one of the ovens

You meet a lot of strange people at the Morgue

So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right?

But when I cuddle another guy I'm a creep and need to leave the morgue immediately

I'm the life and soul of my workplace

I work in a morgue

I hate my job at the morgue, nobody gets my sense of humor.

I swear I'm working with a bunch of stiffs.

Man

A man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying i'm on my period. the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion!

Coroner: "i came across my exe wife at the morgue last night."

Doctor: "was it hard to take?"

Coroner: "not really, I'm used to her ignoring me."

I found my ex girlfriend's dead body at the morgue I work at

She's still giving me the cold shoulder.

Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a man with a hard on.

The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste!" and rides him.

The second nurse does the same thing.

The third nurse, who was on her period, hesitates but does it anyways.



Then the man wakes up, and in complete shock, the nurses apologise, saying they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was! But after two jump-starts and a blood transfusion, I feel great!"

My wife was so upset when I brought a basket full of cadaver feet home from the morgue the week before Christmas...

I thought they'd make great stocking-stuffers.

Women. I just can't read 'em.

The other day I saw this huge crowd of dodgy looking people lining up at the local morgue, they were all leaving with these big heavy looking bags over their shoulders. I could just tell something illegal was going on.

It was a dead giveaway

Today I met my favorite celebrity at work.

It sucks working in a morgue

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the morgue mortician jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working morgue undertakers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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