Morgue Jokes
90 morgue jokes and hilarious morgue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about morgue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This tongue-in-cheek article explores the morbid topic of morgue humor and the surprisingly amusing jokes circulated within the county and city morgue community. From cold mortuary humor to dark gags about stiffs, learn all about why morbidly-inclined people find morgue jokes so funny.
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Funniest Morgue Short Jokes
Short morgue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The morgue humour may include short mortuary jokes also.
- So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right? But when I cuddle another guy I'm a creep and need to leave the morgue immediately
- What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet? Remains to be seen.
- Today morgue employee got cremated by mistake while taking a nap... I guess two people got fired that day!
- I tried a deadlift for the first time last week... The mortician sternly asked me to leave the morgue.
- Due to the lack of space, the city morgue and the comedy club will be in the same building This Friday is open Mike night.
- Coroner: "i came across my exe wife at the morgue last night." Doctor: "was it hard to take?"
Coroner: "not really, I'm used to her ignoring me." - Where exactly are you taking me doctor? -Where exactly are you taking me doctor?
-To the morgue.
-What? But, I'm not dead yet.
-And we are not there yet! - I hate my job at the morgue, nobody gets my sense of humor. I swear I'm working with a bunch of stiffs.
- Necrophiliac joke A couple of necrophiliacs were walking around town. One of them saw a morgue and said:
"Hey, wanna go in for a couple of cold ones?" - Doctor, you have to help me! I see dead people... Doctor: For the last time, you work in a morgue!
Share These Morgue Jokes With Friends
Morgue One Liners
Which morgue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with morgue? I can suggest the ones about corpse and cemetery.
- I lost two things today. My virginity... ...and my job at the morgue.
- I don't normally go out, but Open Mike Night sounded fun. Then we got to the morgue.
- me: do you serve walk-ins? Morgue receptionist: What?
- What does a magician working in a morgue say? Abracadaver!
- I went to a party at a morgue the other day We cracked open a few cold ones
- The best part about working in a morgue Remains to be seen.
- Why did the chicken go to the morgue? To get to the other side.
- I have the heart of a champion, the brain of a genius and the keys to the county morgue.
- I'm the life and soul of my workplace I work in a morgue
- What's the policy at French morgues? Baguette and tag it.
- Where's the best party at? Morgue...people are literally dying to get in
- Why is a morgue like a neckbeard convention? It is full of people with no lives
- What's a mortician's favorite drink? A morgue-arita.
- I tried buying some frozen dates, but the morgue was closed.
- Where's the best place to do a mannequin challenge? In a morgue.
Amusing Morgue Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about morgue you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mummy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make morgue pranks.
A doctor from the morgue calls the local dealership: "How many motorcycles did you sell today?" "Four."
"Oh, looks like one is still riding"
Why did the blonde want to work in the morgue?
Because she heard she would be surrounded by stiffs.
Hey, man. Can I get a cold one?
"Sorry sir, the morgue is closed after 6."
So I was having s**... with a girl from work...
She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us.
Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue.
Two necrophiliacs
Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a morgue. The first necrophiliac says to the second "Want to stop in for a couple of cold ones?"
What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue? [OC]
Icy dead people!
Two necrophiliacs were walking by a morgue.
One necrophiliac says to another necrophiliac, "Want to stop by and get a couple of cold ones?"
Best lines when dealing with telemarketers
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you r**... 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
What did one necrophiliac say to the other as they walked by the morgue?
"You wanna stop in and s**... down a couple of cold ones?"
What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?
Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.
Why did the gay necropheliac stop by the morgue on his way home?
He wanted to s**... down a few cold ones after work.
I just participated in a silent disco.
Well, I got drunk at the morgue.
"Alright man let's crack open a few cold ones, it's going to be a fun night"
Said one necrophiliac to another as they walked into the morgue
A doctor was caught having s**... with one of his patients...
He was fired from his job at the morgue.
"Nurse, where are we going?"
"To the morgue."
"But I haven't died yet!"
"The doc said 'to the morgue' — to the morgue it is!"
"But what is wrong with me?!"
"The autopsy will show!"
A sick guy is in an ambulance.
He notices that the driver drives right past the hospital and says: Hey, where are you taking me?
The driver says: To the morgue.
The sick guy goes: The morgue? But I'm not dead yet.
Driver goes: We're not at the morgue yet.
Things got a bit freaky during foreplay the other night.
I thought I heard someone entering the morgue.
My mate asked me why I have s**... noises saved on my phone.
I said, It's for sound effects during s**....
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.
It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office.
Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.
Me : Hi, do you take walk-ins?
Morgue : What?
What was the vampire doing at the morgue?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
Do you ever wake up, make love to the person next to you and be thankful you're alive?
I did this morning, I have to stop falling asleep at the morgue.
The local morgue was clearing out old bodies.
Bunch of necrophiles showed up.
How did I know they were necrophiles?
It was a dead giveaway.
I got fired from the morgue.
They caught me with my cookie in the hand jar.
It's hard bringing your work home
Especially if you work at the morgue.
Morgue m**... Caught
The infamous Morgue m**... was finally apprehended for his crimes of breaking into morgues and brutally slitting the throats of unsuspecting employees.
It turns out that it really never pays to cut coroners.
What do two gay necrophiliacs say when they walk past a morgue?
Want to go s**... back a couple of cold ones.
Hey Tommy why're you so out of breath?
Well I was just having the best s**... of my life!
Wow it was so good it took your breath away?
Oh nah, I had to run - I heard a door open on the other side of the morgue
What did the guy from the puppy morgue say to the veterinarian?
I'm picking up what you're putting down
I have a lot of work to do in the morgue today.
There's a new deadline I need to meet.
Best s**... ever
That frustrating moment when you're having the best s**... of your life but people walk in so you have to run out of the morgue.
I love the morgue
It's the best place to crack a cold one with the boys.
If you only eat meat, you're a carnivore, If you only eat plants you're a vegetarian, If you eat both you're an omnivore, but if you eat humans you're a cannibal and are asked to leave the morgue.
This popular new morgue opened up downtown...
Everyone is dying to get in
Despite what people think, it's not all doom and gloom being a morgue attendant.
This morning I had a right little Chuckle.
Why was the mathematician disappointed by the empty morgue?
There was no body to count on.
What do you call a multi storey morgue
Bodybuilding
I found out where to get credible sources for anti-vaxers!!!
The Morgue
I saw a sick friend in hospital today...
He was m**... in the morgue.
Why did the dead hipster look so bad?
He came to the morgue before it was cool.
I love jerking off with a dead arm
But i think thats the reason i got fired from the morgue
If you encounter enemies, you're on the right path
Unless when you're walking in a morgue, that is.
I once chased out a guy who was trying to steal meat cooking in one of the ovens
You meet a lot of strange people at the Morgue
Man
A man died with an e**.... the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying i'm on my period. the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion!
I found my ex girlfriend's dead body at the morgue I work at
She's still giving me the cold shoulder.
Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a man with a hard on.
The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste!" and rides him.
The second nurse does the same thing.
The third nurse, who was on her period, hesitates but does it anyways.
Then the man wakes up, and in complete shock, the nurses apologise, saying they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was! But after two jump-starts and a blood transfusion, I feel great!"
My wife was so upset when I brought a basket full of cadaver feet home from the morgue the week before Christmas...
I thought they'd make great stocking-stuffers.
Women. I just can't read 'em.
The other day I saw this huge crowd of dodgy looking people lining up at the local morgue, they were all leaving with these big heavy looking bags over their shoulders. I could just tell something i**... was going on.
It was a dead giveaway
Today I met my favorite celebrity at work.
It s**... working in a morgue
Patient: Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Patient: But I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet…
A bedridden hospital patient takes a turn for the worse and a doctor comes to check on them.
The doctor does a quick examination, then releases the brakes on the bed's wheels and rolls them out of the room. "Alright, it's time to move you down to the East Wing."
"What's the East Wing?" asks the patient.
"The morgue." replies the doctor.
"W-wait, the morgue?! But I'm not dead yet!"
"It's a long hallway."
there's no better experience than cracking open a cold one at the end of the work day
i love working at the morgue.
A doctor comes to check up on a hospice patient who's taken a turn for the worse.
They do some tests and look at some charts, then unlock the wheels on the bed and roll it into the hallway. "We're transferring you to the East Wing."
"What's the East Wing?" asks the patient.
"The morgue." replies the doctor. The patient exclaims, "The morgue?! .. but I'm not dead yet!"
"It's a long hallway."
