moral Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious moral puns

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

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Today I was offered sex by an 18 year old female...

Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents

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Why did the semen cross the road?

Because you wore the wrong sock today.

While I'm up here on the moral highground, let me tell you about poor little Ukurugenzi.

Ukurugenzi is an 8-year old Kenyan orphan who walks 11 miles to his mud-hut school every day. With your donation of just 25 cents a day, we can buy a whip and make that lazy bastard run.

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I was offered sex from a 21 year old girl today

In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.

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Today I was offered sex by a 21 year old girl.

In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on the internet. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanilla.

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I was offered sex from a 21 year old woman...

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person of high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon and vanilla.

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I was offered sex with a beautiful 21 year old girl today...

. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words and she said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect...

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

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My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today...

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today while we were waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I didn't say anything and started to walk to my car. As I opened the door, my girlfriend came out from the kitchen and hugged me with tears in her eyes as she told me that it was a test of loyalty and I had passed!

Moral of the story: keep your condoms in your car

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Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

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So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

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When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats"

But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!"
Moral: hard work is never appreciated, only results matter

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I was offered sex...

In Thailand, I was offered sex with a 21 years old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

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A cat falls in a pond and a rooster laughs.

The moral of this story? A wet pussy makes a cock happy.

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Bathroom cleaner

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Harpic, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla

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A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

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You help each other undress each other before sex. You dress yourself after

Moral of life is no one helps you once you're fucked

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Before and After Sex

Before sex,you help each other get naked.
after sex,you only dress yourself.
moral of the story?
In life no one helps you once your fucked!

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My girlfriend invites me to her home, and she wasn't there, but her sister, who leaned in and said:

''We should have sex right here, when my sister isn't here.'', I got up, and ran to my car, when my girlfriend stood there with a smile. ''I knew I could trust you!'' she said when she hugged me and kissed me passionate.

Moral of the story: Always keep condoms in the car.

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My girlfriend...

... invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car

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Offered sex with 21 year old

I was offered sex today with a 21 year old girl, in exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available in scented lemon or vanilla.

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Czech and a Mexican

A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male

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Today a beautiful girl offered to have sex with me.

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super-strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon or vanilla scent.

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My girlfriend invited me to her house...

My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat their waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievably sexy sister was waiting their with me. A few minutes go by, then she comes up next to me and whispers in my ear "we should have sex before my sister comes home." I immediately got up turned around and walked to my car when I found my girlfriend standing by the door at which point she hugged me and said "you've earned my trust" Moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.

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(-i)^2=-1.

Moral: If you fiddle with imaginary problems too much, shit's gonna get real.

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Corporate Lessons

**Lesson No. 1**

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing at all the whole day?"

The crow answered: ""Sure, why not."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, leapt on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral: *To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.*


**Lesson No. 2**

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings," replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him the strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, he proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral: *Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.*

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A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until

the pussy cried "Meow" and ran away.

Moral Lessons

1. Be kind to Animals

2. Always keep your thoughts clean...

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A horse and a chicken...

...are playing in the woods. They are running along, having a good time, when the horse falls in a hole. Calmly, the chicken goes back to the farm, grabs the farmers' Mercedes, goes back to the hole and pulls out the horse.

The next day while they are playing in the woods, the chicken falls in the hole. The chicken says, "don't worry, just go get the farmer's Mercedes." The horse replies, "naa, I'll just lower down my dick and pull you out."

Moral of the story: if you're hung like a horse you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

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My girlfriend invited me to her house...

where I found her sister alone. So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend, while her unbelievably sexy sister was sitting their with me. A few moments go by, and then she comes up next to me, and whispers in my ear 'we should have sex before my sister comes home.' I immediately got up and turned around to walk to my car. I found my girlfriend standing by the door, at which point she hugged me and said 'you've won my trust.' Moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.

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Morals from a Pile of Shit

Once upon a time, there was a stubborn sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.

In a short time ice began to form on his wings. He tried to fly quicker to warmer air, but his wings kept freezing until he finally fell to the earth in a small barnyard. Almost frozen, unaware of where he was, a cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was surely the end.

But, the manure began to warm him. Soon, his wings were completely defrosted. Warm and happy, able to breathe and able to move again, he started to sing out loud in joy. Just then, a large cat came by to investigate where these familiar sounds were coming from. Soon enough, the cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and ate him.

~The Morals to this story?

*Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.

*Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.

*And the most important thing? Well, if you're warm and happy in your nice steaming pile of shit, keep your fucking mouth shut!!!

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So there's a fish

and hes looking at a fly 6 inches above the water. He thinks, if the fly comes down 6 inches, then I can get the fly.

There's also a bird thinking if the fly comes down 6 inches, the fish will get the fly and I can get the fish.

There is also a cat on the shore thinking if the fly comes down 6 inches, the fish will get the fly, the bird will get the fish, and I can get the bird.

The fly comes down 6 inches, the fish gets the fly, the bird gets the fish, but the cat misses and ends up in the water.

Whats the moral of the story?

If the fly comes down 6 inches, the pussy gets wet.

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The moral of the story...

A newlywed man arrives home one day. As he ascends the stairs and enters the bedroom he sees his wife's sister sprawled on the bed completely naked.

"I've always had a thing for you since you started dating my sister", she says. "You can have me right now anyway you want me. I won't tell a soul."

The man immediately does an about face and goes down the stairs and out the front door. Outside waiting is his wife. She immediately walks up to him and embraces him.

"Honey I'm so proud of you!", the wife says. "You resisted temptation and now I know I can trust you the rest of my life."

The moral of the story? Always keep your condoms in your car.

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First Pancake

A young mother was preparing breakfast for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. They both said they wanted pancakes. As the pancakes were almost finished and the syrup was being heated in the microwave, the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother, who was also a Sunday School teacher, saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. She said, If Jesus were sitting here, he would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, Ryan, you be Jesus.

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Office jokes.

A rabbit saw a bird sitting on a branch doing nothing and thought it looked good so he asked the bird, "Hey! That look good. Can I sit here and do nothing too?"

The bird nodded.

As soon as the rabbit sat down the the base of the tree a fox ran up and ate the rabbit.

Moral of the story? When you want to sit and do nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

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A turkey wanted to climb a tree and tried as hard as he could but could only make it to the first branch.

So he asked his strong bovine friend for help, "Hey can you help me get to the top of that tree?"

"Sure," he replied, "Just eat some of my dropping as they are packed with nutrients!"

The turkey did and was able to reach the 3rd branch. So he decides to eat even more and this time he makes it to the 7th. Then he eats as much as he possible can and he finally made it to the top!

Then he got tired and the wind easily blew him off and he hit the ground and died.

Moral of the story? Bullshit may get you to the top but it wont keep you there.

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When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink. The moral?

Invest in alcohol

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What are the most funny Moral jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Moral? Well, here are the best Moral dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Moral pick up lines to share with friends.

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