mop Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious mop puns

My wife said she's leaving me because I "can't do anything right when it comes to housework. "

Selfish bitch, it took me hours to mop that carpet.

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Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.

A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.

The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."

To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"

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Biting

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

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My 82 year old Grandpa's favorite joke

A skeleton walks into a bar, sits down and says

"I'll have a beer and a mop"

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I got into a one-sided fight with a mop

Wiped the floor with it.

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A little bloke gets into a fight with a big bloke...

The big bloke says "Mate, if you don't back off I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
The little bloke looks up at him with a raised fist and yells, "You'll be sorry!!"

"Oh, yeah? Why?"

"Well, you won't be able to do the corners very well"

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A skeleton walks into a bar...

Bartender: What'll be?
Skeleton: Give me a beer and a mop.

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A skeleton walks in to a pub... [Happy Hallowe'en!]

A skeleton walks in to a pub and says "Bring me a beer and a mop."

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A skeleton walked into a bar

A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer.

And a mop.

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A drunk guy goes to the bathroom

A drunk guy gets up from the bar and staggers off to the bathroom. Several minutes later a blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom, followed by another scream.

The bartender walks into the bathroom to investigate. "What the hell is going on in here?"

The drunk guy responds "Every time I try to flush something reaches up from the toilet and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender looks at the drunk guy and say "You moron. You're sitting on the mop bucket."

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How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?

With a mop.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy...

He said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

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A skeleton walks into a bar...

He orders a Drink and a Mop.

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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer....

and a mop.

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3 Jokes about bars:

1.

A duck walks into a bar.

He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my bill."

2.

A typewriter walks into a bar.

He says "Give me a beer. Put it on my tab."

3.

A skeleton walks into a bar.

He says "Give me a beer. Uh, and a mop."

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A skeleton walks into a bar

Tells the bartender, "Gimme a beer and a mop."

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The Mop Bucket

A drunk gets up from the bar to take a leak.
A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!
I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

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A skeleton walks into a bar and says....

Give me a beer and a mop.

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A skeleton goes to the bar and says "Can I have a pint and a mop..."

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A skeleton walks into a bar...

And says "gimme a beer and a mop."

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A skelington walks into a bar

orders a beer and a mop

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A skeleton walks into a bar.

Says, "I'd like a beer please. And a mop."

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How do witches fly in the rain?

With a mop.

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A skeleton walks in to a bar...

The bartender says, "What'll it be, mister?"

The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop, please!"

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The cleaning lady refused to mop or sweep

"Floors are beneath me" she explained.

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You guys hear about the skeleton that walked into a bar?

He tells the bartender, "get me a shot and a mop."

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A skeleton walks into a bar

and says "I'll have a drink and a mop"

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Short Dad Joke

These kind of jokes always make me laugh a little, if you don't get it at first.. think about it!

"A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop."

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A skeleton walks into a bar...

And tells the bartender, "I'll have a beer, and a mop."

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A skeleton walks into a bar...

I'll have a beer and a mop, please

Mop?

Yeah, it's running right through me today

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A skeleton walks into a bar...

He says to the bartender, "I'm gonna need a beer and a mop."

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A skeleton walks into a bar....

...asks for a pint and a mop.

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Best "knock knock" joke I have.

-Knock Knock.

+Who's there?

-Smell Mop

+Smell Mop who?

(You just made the other person say "smell my poo". Now wait for them to take a moment to realize it as they wait for you to finish the joke.)

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A skeleton walked into a pub...

I'll have a pint and mop.

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A skeleton walks into a pub

And says give me a lager and a mop.

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What are the most funny Mop jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mop? Well, here are the best Mop dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mop pick up lines to share with friends.

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