Moose Jokes
96 moose jokes and hilarious moose puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about moose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Moose jokes Monty Python and riddles about hunting like Woody Allen's - The Moose Joke where he shoots a moose. Canadian or Alaska moose, no matter, because some are so dirty, that you'd prefer they are one liners instead of long knock knock jokes.
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Funniest Moose Short Jokes
Short moose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The moose humour may include short bison jokes also.
- In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators Because we're raised differently.
- What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef? "Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"
- A conversation with my 7 year old brother. "Look at all of these beautiful horse"
"Horses"
"Horse is already plural, isn't it?"
"You're thinking of elk"
"Holy mooses, you're right" - Scotsman on holiday: what's yon beast over there? Canadian: That's a moose!
Scotsman: Och, If that's a moose, how big are your cats? - I tried getting on a plane with a dead moose once. The attendant said I had to check it as luggage. I said, no it's carrion.
- What do you call a cross between a hippopotamus and something that is not a moose? A hipponotamoose.
- Trump and Pence go on a hunt. As they are walking through the woods, they see an elk foraging.
"Hey look, an elk!" says Pence.
"Fake moose" says Trump. - A restaurant accidentally served me the weirdest talking steak. "I'm not beef," it confessed. It was an honest moose steak.
- Did you hear about the moose who escaped a Mexican zoo and ran all the way to Virginia? He's now a VA-moose.
- I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday. How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.
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Moose One Liners
Which moose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with moose? I can suggest the ones about beaver and porpoise.
- What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose? Arrested apparently
- What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose
- What do you call a moose wearing a mask? Anonymoose
- Why do Canadians always have such good hair? Because of all the moose.
- What do you call an Italian moose with one leg shorter than the others? Moose so leany.
- I got really sick from eating a big, wild animal last week. It was a moose steak.
- What do you call a group of Canadian cows? Moose.
- What do you call a moose with two legs shorter than the others? Mussolini
- Why did the Chinese government confiscate all deer legs? Mistook them for moose limbs.
- What do you call an Italian moose on an incline Moose-a-leani
- You Americans may have the right to bare arms, but here in Canada, we can own moose legs.
- What do you get when you cross a moose with a Mexican? A Mexican moose
- What do the Canadians use to hang themselves A moose
- Sometimes, eating road kill Can be a big moose steak
- What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought? Moose Code.
Canadian Moose Jokes
Here is a list of funny canadian moose jokes and even better canadian moose puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was very confused the other dah I was discussing religion with a man and he claimed to be a "moose limb". Must be some kinda canadian thing I guess.
- What do you call an Irish-Canadian? a Mickey Moose
- Things my fiancée says: What do the Canadian jihadist say? Moose-lamb.
- What brand of v**... does a Canadian drink? Grey Moose
- How did the Americans know the latest s**... b**... was perpetrated by a Canadian Islamic extremist? Because, at the center of the detonation site, they found a moose-limb.
Moose Elk Jokes
Here is a list of funny moose elk jokes and even better moose elk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a sad elk? Lachry-moose
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Moose Jokes
What funny jokes about moose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reindeer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make moose pranks.
Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
An indian and a white man are walking through the woods...
and the white man is trying to learn how to hunt game from the indian. So the indian is moving quickly and quietly through the dense forest and the white man is fumbling loudly behind him. Suddenly, the indian stops short and presses his cheek up against a large tree. He then exclaims,
*"Moose come."*
The white man is baffled by how the indian discovered this and says, *"How do you know that?"*
Indian: *"Cheek sticky."*
Polish Moose Hunt
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
What do you call the leader of a group of moose?
Mooselini.
Three blondes stop at a pair of tracks...
The first one says, "I think they're deer tracks."
The second exclaims, "I'm pretty sure they're moose tracks."
The third argues, "No, they're definitely elephant tracks."
They all got ran over by the train before they could figure it out.
There's no police in Canda...
If your car is faster than a moose
Does Canada even have a president?
Or is it just whichever moose has the strongest antlers?
They say a moose can swim up to 6km/h.
Not very funny but at least you learned something
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew like 50 bucks in there."
What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose?
A radical mooselamb
Melania's 1st priority as First Lady...
Find moose and squirrel!
What's pink and has antlers?
A strawberry moose.
So three blonds were walking in th woods...
When they come across a set of tracks.
"Look at these deer tracks," said the first.
"These are clearly elk tracks," corrected the second.
"You're both wrong, these are moose tracks," replied the third.
They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
What does the Roman moose say to his pregnant wife?
Habebimus a baby moose.
Q. Why should you never order the T-bone in an Alaskan restaurant?
Because it might be a moose steak.
What do you call a play about a moose on a bicycle?
A Moosical
The NSA just intercepted a message from Vladimir Putin to Melenia Trump.
It said,"good, now that you are First Lady, GET MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"
What do you call a quadriplegic moose wearing a Guy Fawkes mask?
A non-knee moose!
Ba-dum-tiss
Pony says to bear can you yell at moose for me? Bear says why don't you do it your self? Pony replys..
I'm a little horse.
Did you hear about the moose who wanted to lose weight?
He went on a diet and now he's a Muslim
I have heard that the PM of Canada has a pet moose...
Is it Trudeau?
There were two moose who were flying. Then it said one:
"You have a bun in your eye!"
"What?" Answered the other.
"You have a bun in the eye!"
"What?"
"You have a bun in your eye."
"Well, I do not hear because I have a bun in my eye."
In Canada, they don't play Duck, Duck, Goose...
They play Puck, Puck, Moose.
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose?
a moose
What do you call a a moose who can't stop drinking?
An elkoholic
A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.
The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."
What animal can a cow communicate with?
A MOOse.
What do you call a moose...
who always skips the first letter of the alphabet?
An Ignore "A" Moose
The singular of Sheep
So if the plural of goose is geese,
And the plural of moose is meese,
Then the singular of sheep is shoop!
A sad moose walks into a bar
The bartender asks the moose, "Why the long face?"
The moose replies, "I'm a moose you idiot!" and walks out of the bar.
What animal did the cow and snake discuss?
A Moose.
What does a Moose do when it gets a sore back?
It gets a Moosage!
(Credit goes to a 10 year old patient of mine.)
Three hunters find a set of tracks in the woods
The first hunter says, Hey guys, I think these are moose tracks!
The second one says, No, I'm pretty sure these are wolf tracks.
The third one didn't say anything, because they all got hit by a train.
HOW MANY TIMES MUST YOU LICK MOOSE TO WIN ITS FAVOR
ZERO TIMES, JUST GIVE IT FOOD, OTHER WISE YOU WILL CONTRACT MOOSE ILLNESS
What's a deer hunters favourite type of ice cream?
Moose tracks
What do you call a moose that is a narcissist?
A moose-issist.
(From my 8 yo)
A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.
She writes:
Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.
We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."
Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.
P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.
I hope I see some moose in Canada
My hair is a mess.
Why do you want to keep your hot dog away from your moose?
They'll cover it in moosturd.
An scotsman went to norway for vacation
He was going in a taxi , when suddenly a moose crossed in front of them
Scotsman: What was that?
Driver: It was a moose
Scotsman(in heavy accent): Take me back to the airport right now. If the mouse are this big then I don't wanna even see the rats.
Three people are going on a walk.
They come across some tracks. The first person says that they are deer tracks. The second disagrees and says they are moose tracks. The third says the other two are dumb and that they are clearly horse tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit.
Why are giraffes real but unicorns aren't?
What's more believable a horse with a horn or a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot neck?
Two blondes go hunting in the forest...
As they come across some tracks one says
>Hey look, deer tracks!
One says
>You idiot, these are obviously moose tracks!
Says the other.
>Deer tracks!
>Moose tracks!
They started shoving each other and were shouting so much they never heard the train coming...
Hiking
Two women are hiking in the wilds, and they arrive at a chasm over a river with an old bridge. One of the women announces she needs to pee and proceeds to drop her drawers, but before she begins, she looks down and exclaims in a startled voice, "There is a canoe below me full of moose meat!"
The other woman looks over the side of the bridge and says, "Oh silly, that's just your reflection in the water."
A Scottish bloke goes on a skiing trip to Canada.
After a hard day on the s**..., he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall... He asks the bartender, "What the fock is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fock me! How big are the cats here?"
A Scotsman goes to visit his Canadian cousin
They're out walking in the wilderness, when suddenly this huge moose walks past them. The Scotsman, having never seen one before, is astounded.
"What the b**... h**... was that?" he asks.
"Oh, that?" the Canadian replies. "That's just one of our Canadian moose."
"Good God," the Scotsman cries, "if that's a moose, how big are your rats?!"
a Scottish man walks into a bar in canada
He noticed there is an animal's head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it
"A moose" replied the bartender
"Jesus christ! How big are the cats here?" Said the scot
Three blondes are taking a walk
Three blondes are taking a walk in the woods when they come across a set of tracks.
The first girl says "Look! Deer tracks!"
The second one is like "No, those are moose tracks."
The third goes "What are you two thinking? Those are positively elk tracks.
So they continue to argue about it until the train hits them.
Three Blondes on a Hike
3 Blondes were walking on a hike just outside of their town when one of them stops abruptly and lets out a gasp! The other two quickly look.
Blonde one- look at those Bear tracks!
Blonde two- those aren't Bear tracks. Those are Moose tracks
Blonde three- those aren't Bear or Moose tracks...more like Wolf tracks
Before they can argue any further a Train hits them.
