Monthly Jokes
44 monthly jokes and hilarious monthly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about monthly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Monthly Short Jokes
Short monthly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The monthly humour may include short weekly jokes also.
- Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't. It's my longest running joke of the year.
- I am giving up drinking for a month Sorry that came out wrong
I am giving up. Drinking for a month - 4th of July, The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
- I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month. I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.
- My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!
- I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
- My wife just told me that in 9 months, I'm in for a big surprise... I can't wait for santa to come now!!
- What is the difference between Kevin McCarthy and a newborn baby? In a few months, the baby will be a speaker.
- Why does England feel like it's two months ahead of us? It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.
- They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!
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Monthly One Liners
Which monthly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with monthly? I can suggest the ones about months and annual.
- Why does Spider-Man's calendar only have 11 months? He lost May
- What bleeds once a month in the mouth? Me, when I remember to floss once a month.
- What is Mr. T's favorite month? April, fools
- Happy ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.
- What's the best part about summer in the U.S.? 3 months of no school shootings.
- why was the 6 month old African baby crying? It was having a mid life crisis
- Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.
- I set out to lose 10 pounds this month... Only 15 more to go
- I love eBay! Sold my homing pigeon 4 times this month.
- I completely misunderstood Pride month… Anyway, who wants to buy 12 lions?
- Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar. I am completely dismayed
- Give a man a fish and feed him for a day Give a fish a man and feed it for a month
- What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other? Same time next month?
- My Gran died of asbestosis. It was terrible, it took us four months to cremate her.
- I'm giving up alcohol for a month!!! Correction: I'm giving up! Alcohol for a month!!
Monthly Period Jokes
Here is a list of funny monthly period jokes and even better monthly period puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet One egg a month
- Son you should never joke about a woman's time of the month period
- I've noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month. It's nothing but period drama.
- We should not in any way, shape, or form make fun of female's time of the month Period.
- My Girlfriend said she doesn't like period jokes, I said it's because you only get them once a month.
- If women ruled the world there would be no wars Just periods of very tense negotiations once a month
- I used to hate when it was my girlfriend's time of the month Now I just hate her...period.
- Did you hear about the author who wrote a book during her time of the month? It was a period piece.
- What did the Victorian wife say to her Victorian husband during that time of the month? I don't know; I don't make period jokes.
- Videogames are like ladies Theyre fun until a period, then fun again in about a month
Monthly Salary Jokes
Here is a list of funny monthly salary jokes and even better monthly salary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days? Her husband's salary.
- Last month, I gave half of my salary to charity. That's probably why my wife found out about her.
- What happens to women every month and lasts 5-6 days? Their husband's salary.
- Ajit Pai has resigned from the FCC to take a new role with a better monthly salary and a better corporate fit.
- Salary is like a period – you wait for it a whole month and it ends in a week.
Monthly Sum Jokes
Here is a list of funny monthly sum jokes and even better monthly sum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A chinese couple moves to Africa and the woman soon becomes pregnant. 9 months later, the woman gives birth to a half African and half Chinese baby. The man names the baby Sum Ting Wong.
Playful Monthly Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about monthly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean semester jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make monthly pranks.
a teacher asks students
Teacher asks students to tell about their dreams, one of them raises his hands and says: 'my dream is to get 100 thousands dollars monthly like my father'.
teacher got shocked, 'does your father get 100 thousands dollars monthly?' teacher says.
student replies: 'no, my father dreams too'.
(sorry for my English)
I am earning 5,000 monthly
Last month I received 7,000 and I kept quiet.
This month I got 3,000 so I went to HR to complain.
HR asked "why didn't you complain when you received extra last month?"
I replied "I will normally forgive the first mistake, but I can't tolerate the second."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adam and Eve eat the apple
of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*
But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments
The owners of a micro-brewery are sitting around a table having their monthly board meeting.
The accountant stands up and says "So, let's see, this month, we lost ... hmm... hmm... Hey! Does anybody have a black pen?"
The CEO says "I can go buy one."
The accountant replies "Yeah, but then we won't need it anymore."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a conference a s**... therapist was discussing his book s**... in a Marriage
The therapist asked the audience how many couples have s**... daily about 20% of the audience raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... weekly about 30% raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... monthly the remaining audience raised their hands
Finally he asked how many have s**... yearly o**... in the back stood up smiling his hand stood
the therapist asked why are you so happy if you only have s**... one time a year ?
the guy answered because today's the day
A woman brought her husband to a doctor to try to cure his snoring problem.
Dr.: "it is possible to treat, but it will cost you a lot of money."
Woman: "that's fine, how much will it cost?"
Dr.: "$20,000 down payment, and $250 in monthly intervals for a year."
Woman: "woah, its almost like im buying a sports car!!"
Dr.: "hmm... too obvious, huh?"
My wife thinks her latest copy of Indian Cooking Monthly is too narrowly focused
I think it's a naan issue.
I read that if you're unsure about how much to spend on an engagement ring, a monthly pay check is a good guideline.
So I spent £200 and gave most of the ring to our landlord.
Subscribers to Bread Enthusiast Monthly were upset when the July edition was all about flat bread. They said it was too big of a change from all the magazine's usual topics.
In actuality, it was a naan-issue.
TIL that Harriet Tubman sought a monthly pension of $25 a month for services in the civil war ,but was only awarded $20.
100+ years later we're still only giving her a $20.
From Potter's American Monthly, 1892: "Why should not a chicken cross the road?"
"It would be a fowl proceeding."
Good to know that they had terrible puns in the 1800s. :P
Why do they call a woman's monthly visitor a period?
From my experience it's more like an exclamation point.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.
Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.
