The Best 76 Month Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Month jokes. There are some month december jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these month black history month puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Month Jokes and Puns

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

2 Guys in a Bar

2 guys in a bar.

John: "I have sex with my wife once a month"

Jack: "We do it twice a week"

John: "But Jack, you're not even married!"

Jack: "Oh, I thought we were talking about your wife"

An English Girl..

WIFE: "I'm going to LONDON. What gift do you want?"
HUSBAND: "An English girl."
After a month, wife returns..
HUSBAND: "Where is my gift?"
WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

jokes about month

Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo.

He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma.

I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month...

...I'll be done reading this dictionary.

That pig is a hero.

One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

Month joke, That pig is a hero.

I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet

One egg a month

A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...

6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"

What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other?

Same time next month?

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month!

You can explore month calendar reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean month days dad jokes. There are also month puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I've been trying to find my girlfriend's killer for the last month.

Nobody's agreeing to do it.

I was looking for a new apartment...

and found a nice place in the center of town that seemed ideal.

"It's only $650 a month," the women told me. "But no children or pets."

I had to turn it down. It was a bargain but I wasn't willing to give up my sex life.

So I was having really rough sex with my girlfriend the other day and she started bleeding...

And I told her that she'd better get used to it, because in a couple of years she's going to be bleeding every month.

September was the first calendar month no NFL players were arrested in six years.

Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.

why was the 6 month old African baby crying?

It was having a mid life crisis

Month joke, why was the 6 month old African baby crying?

My wife gets kind of bitchy once a month.

It usually lasts about 30 days.

My girlfriend asked if I would spend a month away from her for 5000 dollars.

It's tempting, but I don't think I can afford it.

What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days?

Her husband's salary.

A teenager got his driver's license...

...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.

The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."

One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"

His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."

His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

What is Mr. T's favorite month?

April, fools

Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?

Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.

Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.

Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.

Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.

Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?

Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters!

This month, lunch is on me.

The police seem to be making up the law as they go along

I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.

Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.

A couple have a lot of sex

They challenge each other to see who can have the most sex in a month. The woman wins.

Some say she cheated.

Month joke, A couple have a lot of sex

I love eBay!

Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month.

Never understood the point of black friday

Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month.

I spent too much money on video games this month.

All of my savings have gone up in Steam.

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

I'm giving up alcohol for a month!!!

Correction: I'm giving up! Alcohol for a month!!

I'm giving up alcohol for a month.

Wait sorry, that didn't come out right: I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.

Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital

*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?

P : my dad is still in the hospital.

T : wow, this must be serious.

*1 month later*

T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.

P : Indeed.

T: well, how come?

P : he's a doctor.

4th of July,

The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

CEO comes up and asks his salary.

The man replies - $1000

The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !

The man leaves.

The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?

They reply - a pizza delivery man.

The doctor gave me 5 month to live.

So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.

And the judge gave me 25 years.

Problem solved.

Did you know that Jim Carrey lost the use of his left hand for a month in 1997?

He was all righty then.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day

Give a fish a man and feed it for a month

I am really glad that No Nut November is over.

A whole month without cashews was rough.

I set out to lose 10 pounds this month...

Only 15 more to go

A sad man at the bar

A man sat at a bar looking really depressed. Why the long face? asked the bartender
Well, my wife got mad at me and wouldn't speak to me for a month.
What! That's a blessing in disguise! You'll get peace and quiet for a whole month, said the bartender.
The problem is, replied the man, today's the last day.

So the world's oldest woman died today....

I swear I see this headline like, every other month. Why do they keep resuscitating her???

Employee of the month

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

I am giving up drinking for a month

Sorry that came out wrong

I am giving up. Drinking for a month

A savage wife

Wife : I am going to London for a month.What should I bring for you?
Husband: A nice British Blonde...
*after 1 month*
Husband : Where is my gift?
Wife : Wait for 9 months.

Give an Eevee a Water Stone and it turns into Vaporeon. Give an Eevee a Fire Stone and it turns into Flareon.

Give an Eevee a couple dollars every month for their art project and it turns into Patreon.

A little boy killed a butterfly.

His dad looked at him disappointed and said,
"Son, because you killed that butterfly you won't get butter for a week."

A month later he killed a honeybee, his dad looked at him and said,
"Son, because you killed that honeybee you won't get honey for a week."

The boy looks at his father and says, "I also killed a cockroach."

The dad laughs at him and said, "Nice Try!"

My wife said she wants to go out to eat after the quarantine is over

I am thinking no way is a month long enough for her to make up her mind where to eat.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

My best friend passed away recently..

Grieving before his grave I said,

Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?

A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grew older each day, I realised he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy my prayer worked.

My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It's part of her minstrel cycle.

A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their sex life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.

Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.

A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.

Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."

She fainted.

After nearly a month of trying, my wife finally told me that she is pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.

After 6 months (or so) of listening to people talk with masks on

I finally understand what Charlie Browns teacher was saying

It's been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress

I'm going there in-person to see what's going on

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.

"Guess how old I'm going to be next month."

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses.
"How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours.
She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."

Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,

"You boys are nuts."

3 months since I had COVID and I've still got very little sense of taste.

Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends

I'm giving up drinking, for a month.

*(oops, incorrect punctuation)*

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.

AskReddit is 16 years old next month ...

Typical teenager, it has an answer for everything.

Fourth of July,

The only time of the year an American can say the day and month in the correct order.

A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."

The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."

The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"

"Start? Today's the last day."

Pride Month should be celebrated in September.

As we know, Pride cometh before the Fall.

A prisoner spent a month digging an escape tunnel and finally came out in the playground of a preschool.

He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big bloody deal, I'm four".

Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar.

I am completely dismayed

I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.

I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.

Three monks shared a cave…

... each under a vow of silence. One day a goat walked into the cave, looked around, and walked back out. He was never seen again.

A week later the guy on the left says Black goat.

A month later the guy on the right says Grey goat.

A year later the guy in the middle says If you two are going to sit around arguing all the time, I'm moving out.

I had a go at my local Chinese the other day, as they keep putting their prices up.

They said it was because their electricity bill was 10 grand a month. I said they should turn off some of their lights then. They said they can't turn them all off, but they do dim sum.

I will pay a person $5 000 a month to take care of my worries.

- How are you going to get the $5 000 a month to pay them?
- That is for them to worry about.

The great ancient Indian mathematician, Aryabhatta, asked his wife: "Will you let me go out alone & enjoy myself with my friends over every weekend, every month?"

Wife: "What is the probability of me saying yes as per your calculation ?" That's when Aryabhatta discovered zero!!!

It's been 6 months since I've joined the gym and I haven't seen any progress.

>!Tomorrow I'm heading down there in person to find out what's really going on.!<

What did one lesbian vampire say to another?

Same time next month?

Positivity

Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. Told them I could turn any situation into a positive one.
About a month later one of our cousins passed. He was a very heavy drinker & smoker. At the funeral another cousin came up to a group of us talking & said let's see you turn THIS into a positive. I thought for a minute…and realized our cousin was being cremated. That's when it hit me. I told the group, the good news is he quit drinking, and a few days from now when the flames die down, he'll have quit smoking too.

"Our club is looking for a treasurer."

"Didn't you just hire one last month?"

"Yes, that's the one we're looking for."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the month april puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working month that time of the month piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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