Montana Jokes
45 montana jokes and hilarious montana puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about montana that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Crack up with some of the best Montana jokes out there! Enjoy hilarious punchlines about Montana sheep, cowboy culture, weather, state symbols, Butte, and even Hannah Montana. Whether you hail from Montana or Idaho, Nevada, or North Dakota, these jokes will have you in stitches.
Funniest Montana Short Jokes
Short montana jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The montana humour may include short rural jokes also.
- hannah Montana DVD: $15, Tub of vaseline: $3, XL box of tissues: $2, Look of disgust from the cashier:Priceless.
- Montana is the number one state in the country for suicidal ideation… Which means it's a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there.
- I recently heard the rapper French Montana changed his stage name It's German Wisconsin now
- A traveler walks into a bar in Montana and orders an Old Fashioned. The bartender smiles and asks, So what part of Wisconsin are you from?
- I was trying to understand what made the Unabomber so crazy. But then I imagined what it would be like trying to get a cab in Montana.
- Computer Joke California Democrats - CADEM
Michigan Democrats - MIDEM
Indiana Democrats - INDEMS
Montana Democrats - Modems! - What time is it in Montana when the sheep get their head caught in the fence? It's Mountain time
- Slim walks into his local post office and notices a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA "Gosh!" he says, "If only that job was in Texas, I'd take it!"
- A black man kept winning all the poker games at his local casino in Montana... Everyone would always fold when... ...he played the race card!
- Did you know Joe Montana and his brother have more super bowl wins than the Manning brothers? And Joe Montana doesn't even have a brother!
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Montana One Liners
Which montana one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with montana? I can suggest the ones about backwoods and eucalyptus.
- What kind of tree would Hanna Montana be? A 'Miley Cyprus'.
Dear god, shoot me. - There are so few people in Montana It's almost like it's MT
- It seems that Montana has found a new use for sheep . . . Wool
- Why couldn't French Montana play on his DS He had no stylus
- What do you call Hannah Montana when she spills herbal tea on herself? Chamomiley Cyrus
- Louisiana purchase, call that... French Montana
- Point to your head and say the abbreviation for Montana Haha! You're head is empty!
- Conjoined twins are like Hannah Montana They get the best of both worlds
- What do you call Tony Montana in a trip to Alaska? Scarfface
- UCLA is cancelling tonight's basketball game against Montana. No Ball.
- My doctor says i have that "Hannah Montana" illness He said it was a Miley Virus
- Which is the favorite US State of Miley Cyrus ? Montana.
- A transgender walks up and says.... ...I'm like Hanna Montana, the best of both worlds!
- What are Tony Montana's favourite trousers? Alpine Chinos
Montana Cowboy Jokes
Here is a list of funny montana cowboy jokes and even better montana cowboy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Q: A cowboy left Montana to go to Texas on Friday and came back on Friday. How did he do it?
A: He named his horse Friday. - Q: A cowboy left Montana to go to Texas on Friday and came back on Friday. How did he do it?
A: He named his horse Friday.
Entertaining Montana Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about montana you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cabin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make montana pranks.
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
Lewis and Clark
Lewis and Clark were walking through Montana when they met an Indian scout who offered to help them hunt buffalo.
The scout took them out in the morning and put his ear to the ground. After a while, he said "Buffalo come."
Lewis asked the scout, "How do you know?"
The scout said, "Face sticky."
So my buddy and I were driving down a country road and see a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.
Now, like any good ol Montana boy I know a good opportunity when I see it. I pull over and walk up to the sheep and unzip my pants and start giving it to her. I'm really give'n her the boots when I look over and my buddy is jacking off. I mean, he's really beat'n his meat. Kinda freaked out I stop and ask 'ya wanna turn?'. He runs over and sticks his head in the fence.
Nuns
Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, whose headgear partially blocked the view, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there." One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm, voice said, "Why don't you go to h**.... There aren't any nuns there."
This just in: A Burger King employee in Kalispell, Montana was arrested today after being caught putting v**... in the orange Hi-C.
Local police say it was the first reported case of a Flathead screwdriver.
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Montana?
They couldn't find 3 wise men or a v**...!
An old cowboy
walks into a barbershop in Dillon, Montana for a
shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little
wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.
A Bear Walks Into A Bar.
A bear walks into a bar in Montana
Bartender says: We don't serve bears beer in this here bar in Montana.
Bear says: Give me a beer, or I'm going to eat that girl at the end of the bar.
Bartender: We don't serve bears beer in this here bar in Montana.
Bear walks to the end of the bar and eats the girl. When he is done, he returns to the bartender: Give me a Beer!
Bartender: We don't serve Drug addicts beer in this here bar in Montana
Bear:???? Come again?
Bartender: What about that Barbiturate.