Monster Jokes
154 monster jokes and hilarious monster puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about monster that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This collection of funny monster jokes covers all the classics, from monster inc, to monster truck, monster hunter, monster high, and even monster energy drink. It also includes some classic favorites like the monster mash, ghoulish freaks, and Frankenstein. Get ready for a spooky night of laughs with these monster jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Monster Jokes
- Monster One Liners
- Frankenstein Monster Jokes
- Loch Ness Monster Jokes
- Cookie Monster Jokes
- Monster Trucks Jokes
- Monster Inc Jokes
- More Monster Jokes
Funniest Monster Short Jokes
Short monster jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The monster humour may include short creature jokes also.
- This morning I came early to my office And, I switched places of M's and N's on as many keyboard as I could.
Some people would say I am a monster but others would say nomster. - People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
- Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
- Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app... called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.
- How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet. How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!
- Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
- Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder. Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.
- I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster. But I still have never seen a bmw driver use his turn signals.
- Everyone always talks about what a genius Albert Einstein was. They never mention what a monster his brother Frank was.
- Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. On the other hand, His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
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Monster One Liners
Which monster one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with monster? I can suggest the ones about moth and monkey.
- We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.. But his brother Frank was a monster.
- What has a 1000 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.
- How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?
- What do sea monsters like to eat? Fish and ships
- What do you call monster made out of blood? A hemogoblin
- What is a duck's favorite sea monster? A Quacken
- What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare? A monster coming out of the closet
- Are Monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
Happy Spooktober everyone. - What do you call the Loch Ness monster on drugs You're high ness
- What's a sea monster's favourite food? Fish and ships
- Few people knew about Albert Einstein's older brother Frank He was a total monster.
- The flying spaghetti monster never died... He pastaway.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- What's Cookie Monsters favourite band? Oreo Speedwagon.
- What is cookie monsters favorite war? Vietnom nom nom nom
Frankenstein Monster Jokes
Here is a list of funny frankenstein monster jokes and even better frankenstein monster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster... ... I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.
- Dr. Frankenstein is experimenting with a new monster made with a cheese body. It's Frankenstein's Muenster.
- What's the difference between Frankenstein and The Cosby Show? On the Cosby Show, he was both the doctor and the monster.
- Where did Frankenstein go to get his tattoo done? Monsters Ink
- What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster spit? "It's saliva! IT'S SALIIIVA!!!"
- Why didn't Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster? Because he just didn't have the guts to do it again.
- Why can you always trust Frankenstein's monster? He's got somebody else's back, he could probably handle yours.
- My company recently hired Frankenstein's monster to run our HR department. He's surprisingly good at it. Turns out he's a real people person.
- People say Frankenstein's monster had a temper, but actually he was surprisingly level headed.
- Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest... Only to discover he had seriously misunderstood the competition.
They were monsters.
Loch Ness Monster Jokes
Here is a list of funny loch ness monster jokes and even better loch ness monster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the Loch Ness Monster eat? Fish & ships
- What's the best day to marry the Loch Ness Monster? Wednessday
- Have you heard the Scottish National Party's proposal to reduce Loch Ness monster sightings? Nick all the sturgeon
- What kind of car does the loch Ness monster drive? A Nissan tree fiddy!
- Some monsters have a medical condition in which it is actually imposible to take a cohesive picture of them Such monsters include: Sasquatch, The Loch Ness Monster, and Mike Wazowski.
- What did the Loch Ness monster call his baby? The cute ness monster.
- Why didn't the Loch Ness monster tip the strippers? He needs free tiddies
- If the Loch Ness Monster exists, does that also mean it has a favourite vegetable? Loch Ness' celery.
- What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster? Messie
Thank you and goodnight. - If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws.
Cookie Monster Jokes
Here is a list of funny cookie monster jokes and even better cookie monster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Cookie Monster say after eating all the anesthia at the dentist's office? "NUMB NUM NUMB NUM NUMB NUM"
- How did Cookie Monster feel after eating all the cookies? Pretty crummy
- who do monsters buy their cookies from? the ghoul scouts.
- how did Cookie Monster decide who'd win the oscars? he went through all the nom-nom-nominations.
- If Cookie Monster was going to eat a country, what country would he eat? Viet-nom-nom-nom-nom
- Why doesn't Cookie Monster have good internet privacy? He always accepts the cookies.
- How does the Cookie Monster pay for his cookies? With Cookie Dough.
- Where did Cookie Monster develop PTSD? Viet-nom nom nom nom nom.
- Elliot Ness, Cookie Monster, and John Locke start a law firm. Locke Ness Monster.
- Did you know the Cookie Monster is an Uber driver now? Bt he quit on the 1st day as everyone he delivered to was on the same street
Monster Trucks Jokes
Here is a list of funny monster trucks jokes and even better monster trucks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, "When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?" ###SOMEDAY
###SOMEDAY!
###SOMEDAY!! - What do you call a sleepy monster truck? Mega tired
- Yo momma so fat....... She got in a monster truck and made it a low rider.
- What's the difference between a monster truck rally and the rockettes? A monster truck rally has a CUNNING array of STUNTS
- Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.
- Yo momma is so so fat that when she sat on a monster truck she made it a low-rider.
- I've wondered how powerful monster trucks are turns out is not a valid excuse for running people over.
- Why do r**... couples love to do it d**...? That way they can both watch the Monster Trucks.
Monster Inc Jokes
Here is a list of funny monster inc jokes and even better monster inc puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does Sully from Monsters Inc. get into his home ? A Mike Wahousekey
- Everyone in Monsters Inc. is gay. They're in the closet.
- Nobody understands when I tell them squids are monsters, but I know I'm right because... Monsters, Inc.
- Monsters, Inc. I wish Monsters, Inc. was real. I'd also want a door to a kid's bedroom.
- Rick Astley could give you any Pixar movie except one... Monster's Inc
Fun-Filled Monster Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about monster you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean killer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make monster pranks.
What did one sea monster say to the other?
What's Kraken
What is the smartest monster?
Frank-Einstein
I don't know why women have a fascination with Twilight.
The reason being, vampires and women are entirely different. One is a blood s**... monster that preys on the helpless and the other are vampires.
A man and wife went to a new dance club...
The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.
The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.
The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.
I have a strong relationship with the flying spaghetti monster...
...but it's strained to say the least
THE 5 Secrets to a perfect marriage
1. Have a wife who is a great Cook
2. Have a wife who is great at cleaning
3. Have a wife who is a monster in bed
4. Have a wife who is great with your kids.
5. Make sure those 4 women NEVER MEET.
Can we Frankenstein Monster a joke?
i propose we see who can come up with the best joke. we submit a part, someone else adds to it. maybe 3 parts? maybe not? let's see who can come up with the funniest crowd sourced joke.
Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
I'm going to make a movie about a guy in a turban who turns into a monster at night...
...it'll be called "Hyde & Sikh".
Why are monsters hipsters?
Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.
What did the sea monster have for dinner?
Fish and ships.
What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner?
One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.
A man goes to prison for the first time
A young man goes to prison for the first time, upon arriving in his cell, his cellmate, a towering monster of a human being says to him: "There is one rule in this cell, you can play the mamma or you can play the daddy. Since this is your first day, I will let you pick." The young man says: "Ok, I will be the daddy." The towering monster then says: "Alright, now come over here and give mamma some head."
Hey! Did you hear about the monster with five legs?
His pants fit like a glove
What has 140 metal teeth and holds back the world's biggest monster?
My zipper.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and the Chupacabra?
One is a monster that scares Mexicans, the other eats their goats.
There's a homophobic monster under your bed...
That hates the monster in your closet.
What do you call a Baby with no arms and no legs....
A Monster
(from my 3 year old!)
Abort a baby at 1 month, nobody cares.
Abort it at 24 months, suddenly you're a monster.
What time did the Monster eat the prime minister?
8PM
Good night kids
Me : good night kids
Kids : good night dad
Me : good night monster under the bed who eats bad kids
Wife ( through radio under the bed) : good night
Go to a dog shelter to find a dog, you're a hero.
Go to a women's shelter to find a wife, you're a monster.
On Einstein's birthday, let us not forget about his brother.
Frank. He created a monster.
While going to sleep, my roommate always says that there is a hideous monster under his bed.
We have a bunk bed.
Are monsters good at math?
No, unless you Count Dracula
t**... holding dad at gunpoint-
t**...: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
t**...: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
t**...: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
t**...: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
t**...: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"
s**... joke I made when I was young
What do you call a fat monster who's okay-at-best at his job?
Meaty ogre
There are three monsters that live in my house and steal all of my money,
I like to call them, the accidents, but my wife insists on calling them our children.
What do you call a milk monster that wants to take over the universe?
>!Galactose!<
In three seconds, anagram the word s**... into a derogatory term for a group of people based on a distinct physical trait.
The word we were looking for is GINGERS. You monster.
How many monsters can do basic math?
All of them, unless you count Dracula
Why did the sea monster eat 6 ships full of potatoes?
Nobody can eat just one potato ship.
As the child's dad goes to check up on him, the child says "Dad, I can't sleep"
Dad: "Why not?"
Kid: "Do you see that monster under my bed?"
Dad: \[looks under bed\] "Oh my god... yes!"
Kid: "Well, I drank the whole can!"
A little girl looks into her closet and talks to the monster that lives in there.....
She asks him "Closet Monster, when are you ever going to come out of the closet?"
The monster replies "How many times must I tell you? I'm not gay!"
A guy donated a kidney and they called him a "Hero"..
I donated 7 and they called me a monster
Why did the sea monster eat twelve ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship!
An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy n**....
I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said d**... Loch Ness monster I ain't giving you no tree fiddy.
Son: Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!
Dad: Enjoy it while you can son, when you get married the monster sleeps in your bed
Albert Einstein was a genius and it ran through his family.
His brother, Frank, created a monster.
A knight's brother was slain in battle by monster
Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!
Hunter: You have my bow!
Warrior: And my axe!
Mage: And my staff!
Necromancer: And your dead brother!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius
but his brother, Frank, was a monster creating doctor.
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.
But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
My girlfriend got really mad at me today, screaming about how I always have to be right about things and how I'm a complete monster like Frankenstein or something.
Luckily she paused for breath so I was able to point out Frankenstein was the doctor's name.
Why don't Monsters eat Ghosts?
They taste like sheet!!
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
Which monster likes w**... the most?
Medusa. She's a total s**....
Monster under the bed
Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sleeping in my bed." Jim falls backwards from the shock and comes to a sence of relief when he realised that he had forgotten that he had twins.
When I was a kid, my father showed me a world of pain
I know he sounds like a monster, but he was just a French baker
I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster
Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!
Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.
What's the difference between a politician and a blobfish.
Ones a bottom-feeding monster and the others a fish
What do you call an alcoholic Doctor Who monster?
A Ciderman
While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.
Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."
Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."
Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."
Albert Einstein had a brother named Frank.
But he was a real monster.
A Halloween costume idea
A nurse walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Are you coming to our big Halloween party?" the bartender asks. "Yes, I've already planned my costume. I'm going to come as a horrible monster made entirely out of blood," the nurse says. "I'm going to be a hemogoblin."
Son calls his Dad into the room.
Son says, "Dad there is a monster under my bed!" The Dad looks towards his own bedroom at his sleeping wife. Dad replies, "Enjoy it while you can. Pretty soon the monster will sleep beside you."
