Monsters Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app...

called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.

PokΓ©mon Go is more popular than Tinder.

Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.

What do sea monsters like to eat?

Fish and ships

Pixar movies over the years

What if toys had feelings?

What if bugs had feelings?

What if monsters had feelings?

What if fish had feelings?

What if superheroes had feelings?

What if cars had feelings?

What if rats had feelings?

What if robots hadd feelings?

What if boy scouts had feelings?

What if gingers had feelings?

What if feelings had feelings?

What if dinosaurs had feelings?

What if Mexicans had feelings?

Why are monsters hipsters?

Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools.

A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.

So my friend, Rick Astley, asked me for some Pixar movies to watch...

I told him, "You can borrow Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars 1 and 2, Ratatouille, and Wall*E, but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

What's Cookie Monsters favourite band?

Oreo Speedwagon.

What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app?

Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.

What is cookie monsters favorite war?

Vietnom nom nom nom

Are monsters good at math?

No, unless you Count Dracula

Tinder is like PokΓ©mon GO

You swipe to catch monsters.

Did you hear about the kid who was afraid of monsters under the bed?

The kid's parents taught him to call under the bed every night and ask "Are there any monsters down there?". If you don't hear an answer, then you can go to sleep and know that it is safe.

Well, One night his parents went out and he was stuck with a stupid baby sitter. She completely ignored him. So he made cereal for dinner and played video games on the TV till it got late and he was tired.

He went to his room and found his baby sitter just sitting there. She left his room, and he went to bed. He sat puzzled for a moment, because the baby sitter's hair was a mess, and she had a blank look on her face like something had happened. So, he called under the bed and asked, "Are there any monsters down there?"

After a few seconds, a voice answered back "No".

The kid died of fright.

Where did Frankenstein go to get his tattoo done?

Monsters Ink

How many monsters can do basic math?

All of them, unless you count Dracula

There are three monsters that live in my house and steal all of my money,

I like to call them, the accidents, but my wife insists on calling them our children.

So a man told his son he's not scared of anything...

Son: So you're not scared of anything at all? Not even monsters?

Dad: Well, there is one thing...

Son: Which is?

Dad: Exactly.

You should never take what a sea monsters says seriously.

They're always Kraken jokes.

Thrilling Theorised Therapeutic Prothedures

A man having recurring nightmares about monsters under his bed eventually decides to visit a therapist. After trying different pills, consultations and visiting experts all over the country, still having nightmares, the man decides to visit another doctor. Two weeks later, the first therapist sees the man looking rested and healthy, and so asks "Has your problem been fixed already? The man you contacted must be a genius! Pray tell me, how did he solve your nightmares?"
"Well" The man replies, "he told me to cut off the legs of my bed."

Why do milk monsters walk weirdly?

Because they lactose.

The government has covered up the existence of monsters for centuries...

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

I used to think I was homophobic.

It turns out that I was just afraid of monsters in the closet.

Mike wazowski opens up a tattoo shop

Called Monsters Ink

A Greek guy walks into a tavern and sees two sea monsters arguing

"What's up with them?" he asks.

"Oh, that's scylla and charybdis."

"Are they usually this angry?"

"Yeah, but they're not violent. Just don't get between them."

My room is full of gay monsters!

They keep coming out of the closet.

2 monsters started talking

2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he was bald with a ring of hair, he wore a brown robe, with a rope around his waist like a belt." The second monster replied "well there's your problem! He was a FRIAR"

who do monsters buy their cookies from?

the ghoul scouts.

What do You call a crowdfunding site for cannibalistic monsters?

Windigogo!

Everyone on the planet is chasing imaginary monsters with their phone

But when I do it I need to "grow up" and "quit looking for Bigfoot."

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest...

Only to discover he had seriously misunderstood the competition.

They were monsters.

Everyone in Monsters Inc. is gay.

They're in the closet.

What do you call a badass who kills monsters and knows lots of useless information?

Geralt of Trivia

Pokemon Go Is Just Like Tinder

Both apps require you to swipe to catch monsters in your area.

Scientists have discovered a new planet made entirely out of scary monsters!

they named it Tera-Fy

Nobody understands when I tell them squids are monsters, but I know I'm right because...

Monsters, Inc.

I am the world's most powerful creature. I gulp down monsters whole for lunch.

For the record, I also drink Redbull.

What monsters are all the tools in the toolbox afraid of?

Vampliers

'Hotel Transylvania' missed an opportunity because monsters on a cruise are not on the Love Boat...

They're on a Love Craft.

mike wazowski just opened an ice skating parlour

he called it monsters rink

How do monsters like their eggs?

Terri- *fried*

What are the funniest monsters jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Monsters? Well, here are the best Monsters puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Monsters pick up lines to share with friends.

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