Monster Jokes
149 monster jokes and hilarious monster puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about monster that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This collection of funny monster jokes covers all the classics, from monster inc, to monster truck, monster hunter, monster high, and even monster energy drink. It also includes some classic favorites like the monster mash, ghoulish freaks, and Frankenstein. Get ready for a spooky night of laughs with these monster jokes!
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Funniest Monster Short Jokes
Short monster jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The monster humour may include short moth jokes also.
- This morning I came early to my office And, I switched places of M's and N's on as many keyboard as I could.
Some people would say I am a monster but others would say nomster. - People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
- Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app... called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.
- Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder. Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.
- I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster. But I still have never seen a bmw driver use his turn signals.
- Did you hear that the next season of stranger things will be shot in Australia? The kids have to defeat a monster from the Right Way Up.
- I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster - I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster... ... I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.
- Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint. But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
- Why are monsters hipsters? Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.
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Monster One Liners
Which monster one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with monster? I can suggest the ones about monkey and wolf.
- What has a 1000 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.
- How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?
- What do sea monsters like to eat? Fish and ships
- What do you call monster made out of blood? A hemogoblin
- What is a duck's favorite sea monster? A Quacken
- What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare? A monster coming out of the closet
- Are Monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
Happy Spooktober everyone. - What do you call the Loch Ness monster on drugs You're high ness
- What's a sea monster's favourite food? Fish and ships
- The flying spaghetti monster never died... He pastaway.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- What's Cookie Monsters favourite band? Oreo Speedwagon.
- What is cookie monsters favorite war? Vietnom nom nom nom
- Hey! Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His pants fit like a glove
- What do you call a milk monster that wants to take over the universe? >!Galactose!<
Frankenstein Monster Jokes
Here is a list of funny frankenstein monster jokes and even better frankenstein monster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dr. Frankenstein is experimenting with a new monster made with a cheese body. It's Frankenstein's Muenster.
- What's the difference between Frankenstein and The Cosby Show? On the Cosby Show, he was both the doctor and the monster.
- Where did Frankenstein go to get his tattoo done? Monsters Ink
- What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster spit? "It's saliva! IT'S SALIIIVA!!!"
- Why didn't Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster? Because he just didn't have the guts to do it again.
- Why can you always trust Frankenstein's monster? He's got somebody else's back, he could probably handle yours.
- My company recently hired Frankenstein's monster to run our HR department. He's surprisingly good at it. Turns out he's a real people person.
- People say Frankenstein's monster had a temper, but actually he was surprisingly level headed.
- I went to visit my old friend frankenstein's monster as we were talking I said, "It's just uncanny, you have your mothers eyes."
he smiled and replied, "yes, but she didn't need them anymore" - Actually, Frankenstein is the name of the doctor. The real monster is the person who waits for everything to be rung up before they start looking for their debit card.
Loch Ness Monster Jokes
Here is a list of funny loch ness monster jokes and even better loch ness monster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the Loch Ness Monster eat? Fish & ships
- What's the best day to marry the Loch Ness Monster? Wednessday
- Have you heard the Scottish National Party's proposal to reduce Loch Ness monster sightings? Nick all the sturgeon
- What kind of car does the loch Ness monster drive? A Nissan tree fiddy!
- Some monsters have a medical condition in which it is actually imposible to take a cohesive picture of them Such monsters include: Sasquatch, The Loch Ness Monster, and Mike Wazowski.
- What did the Loch Ness monster call his baby? The cute ness monster.
- If the Loch Ness Monster exists, does that also mean it has a favourite vegetable? Loch Ness' celery.
- What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster? Messie
Thank you and goodnight. - If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws. - How much money would it cost to find and capture the Loch Ness Monster? About tree fiddy
Cookie Monster Jokes
Here is a list of funny cookie monster jokes and even better cookie monster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Cookie Monster say after eating all the anesthia at the dentist's office? "NUMB NUM NUMB NUM NUMB NUM"
- How did Cookie Monster feel after eating all the cookies? Pretty crummy
- who do monsters buy their cookies from? the ghoul scouts.
- how did Cookie Monster decide who'd win the oscars? he went through all the nom-nom-nominations.
- If Cookie Monster was going to eat a country, what country would he eat? Viet-nom-nom-nom-nom
- Why doesn't Cookie Monster have good internet privacy? He always accepts the cookies.
- How does the Cookie Monster pay for his cookies? With Cookie Dough.
- Where did Cookie Monster develop PTSD? Viet-nom nom nom nom nom.
- Elliot Ness, Cookie Monster, and John Locke start a law firm. Locke Ness Monster.
- Did you know the Cookie Monster is an Uber driver now? Bt he quit on the 1st day as everyone he delivered to was on the same street
Monster Truck Jokes
Here is a list of funny monster truck jokes and even better monster truck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, "When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?" ###SOMEDAY
###SOMEDAY!
###SOMEDAY!! - What do you call a sleepy monster truck? Mega tired
- What's the difference between a monster truck rally and the rockettes? A monster truck rally has a CUNNING array of STUNTS
- I've wondered how powerful monster trucks are turns out is not a valid excuse for running people over.
Monster Inc Jokes
Here is a list of funny monster inc jokes and even better monster inc puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does Sully from Monsters Inc. get into his home ? A Mike Wahousekey
- Everyone in Monsters Inc. is gay. They're in the closet.
- Nobody understands when I tell them squids are monsters, but I know I'm right because... Monsters, Inc.
- Monsters, Inc. I wish Monsters, Inc. was real. I'd also want a door to a kid's bedroom.
- Rick Astley could give you any Pixar movie except one... Monster's Inc
Fun-Filled Monster Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about monster you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean worm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make monster pranks.
What is the smartest monster?
Frank-Einstein
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know why women have a fascination with Twilight.
The reason being, vampires and women are entirely different. One is a blood s**... monster that preys on the helpless and the other are vampires.
A man and wife went to a new dance club...
The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.
The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.
The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.
I have a strong relationship with the flying spaghetti monster...
...but it's strained to say the least
THE 5 Secrets to a perfect marriage
1. Have a wife who is a great Cook
2. Have a wife who is great at cleaning
3. Have a wife who is a monster in bed
4. Have a wife who is great with your kids.
5. Make sure those 4 women NEVER MEET.
Can we Frankenstein Monster a joke?
i propose we see who can come up with the best joke. we submit a part, someone else adds to it. maybe 3 parts? maybe not? let's see who can come up with the funniest crowd sourced joke.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has it's own version of the devil . . .
You will know this fake Flying Spaghetti Monster by his name, for he is known as the Im-Pasta.
Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
I'm going to make a movie about a guy in a turban who turns into a monster at night...
...it'll be called "Hyde & Sikh".
What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner?
One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"All your dreams will come true", said my fortune cookie
And the next day I realized, I went to work n**... and couldn't run when I got chased by that monster
Does anybody know the name of that Godzilla Movie?
It's the one where another monster actually breaks one of Godzilla's legs.
I can't remember the name of the movie, but it has a huge cast.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone pees in the pool...
But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and the Chupacabra?
One is a monster that scares Mexicans, the other eats their goats.
There's a homophobic monster under your bed...
That hates the monster in your closet.
What do you call a Baby with no arms and no legs....
A Monster
(from my 3 year old!)
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.
How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!
Abort a baby at 1 month, nobody cares.
Abort it at 24 months, suddenly you're a monster.
What time did the Monster eat the prime minister?
8PM
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Good night kids
Me : good night kids
Kids : good night dad
Me : good night monster under the bed who eats bad kids
Wife ( through radio under the bed) : good night
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Go to a dog shelter to find a dog, you're a hero.
Go to a women's shelter to find a wife, you're a monster.
On Einstein's birthday, let us not forget about his brother.
Frank. He created a monster.
While going to sleep, my roommate always says that there is a hideous monster under his bed.
We have a bunk bed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do r**... couples love to do it d**...?
That way they can both watch the Monster Trucks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
t**... holding dad at gunpoint-
t**...: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
t**...: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
t**...: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
t**...: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
t**...: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"
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s**... joke I made when I was young
What do you call a fat monster who's okay-at-best at his job?
Meaty ogre
There are three monsters that live in my house and steal all of my money,
I like to call them, the accidents, but my wife insists on calling them our children.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an awful Halloween night h**...?
The Monster Mash
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If you have s**... on Halloween, is it a monster mash or a graveyard smash?
Well it's only a graveyard smash if she's had a abortion
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In three seconds, anagram the word s**... into a derogatory term for a group of people based on a distinct physical trait.
The word we were looking for is GINGERS. You monster.
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We all know Albert Einstein was a genius..
But his brother Frank was a monster.
How many monsters can do basic math?
All of them, unless you count Dracula
As the child's dad goes to check up on him, the child says "Dad, I can't sleep"
Dad: "Why not?"
Kid: "Do you see that monster under my bed?"
Dad: \[looks under bed\] "Oh my god... yes!"
Kid: "Well, I drank the whole can!"
What monster are miners scared of?
The canary wolf.
A little girl looks into her closet and talks to the monster that lives in there.....
She asks him "Closet Monster, when are you ever going to come out of the closet?"
The monster replies "How many times must I tell you? I'm not gay!"
You think your day was bad? Imagine being miles and miles away from home, hot and sweaty from the 50 pound uniform you're wearing , people don't accept you. They think you're a monster. Thank god there's other people like me or I wouldn't be able to handle being here .
Thank god for the furry convention.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy n**....
I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said d**... Loch Ness monster I ain't giving you no tree fiddy.
Son: Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!
Dad: Enjoy it while you can son, when you get married the monster sleeps in your bed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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We all know Albert Einstein was a genius
but his brother, Frank, was a monster creating doctor.
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A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
My girlfriend got really mad at me today, screaming about how I always have to be right about things and how I'm a complete monster like Frankenstein or something.
Luckily she paused for breath so I was able to point out Frankenstein was the doctor's name.
Why don't Monsters eat Ghosts?
They taste like sheet!!
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which monster likes w**... the most?
Medusa. She's a total s**....
Monster under the bed
Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sleeping in my bed." Jim falls backwards from the shock and comes to a sence of relief when he realised that he had forgotten that he had twins.
When I was a kid, my father showed me a world of pain
I know he sounds like a monster, but he was just a French baker
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If it looks like a dog, smells like a dog, and tastes like a dog...
Then your a monster
Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!
Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a politician and a blobfish.
Ones a bottom-feeding monster and the others a fish
What do you call an alcoholic Doctor Who monster?
A Ciderman
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Albert Einstein had a brother named Frank.
But he was a real monster.
A Halloween costume idea
A nurse walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Are you coming to our big Halloween party?" the bartender asks. "Yes, I've already planned my costume. I'm going to come as a horrible monster made entirely out of blood," the nurse says. "I'm going to be a hemogoblin."
Last October, I was walking through the cemetery.
I came across a trash can where someone had thrown out their Kraft Halloween monster themed mac and cheese...
It was the mac.
It was the monster mac.
the monster mac
was in the graveyard trash.
Thanks mom for this more obscure one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone always talks about what a genius Albert Einstein was.
They never mention what a monster his brother Frank was.
Have you heard the joke about the sea monster?
It's kraken people up.
