Monkey Jokes
160 monkey jokes and hilarious monkey puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about monkey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for funny monkey jokes? Check out our collection of hilarious monkey jokes for kids. From silly monkey puns to clever riddles, these jokes are sure to make you laugh out loud.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Monkey Short Jokes
Short monkey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The monkey humour may include short hamster jokes also.
- Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.
I want my, I want my, I want my NFT. - 2 monkeys sat on a branch, one says "ooh ooohh aha ha aha!" The other says "careful, that's hot."
- I read online today that humans, on average, eat more banana than monkeys. It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare... ...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
- People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys. - My wife just told me that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I believe her, bananas are much easier to peel.
- Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away His funfair will be held next Monkey
- Two monkeys entered a bath. Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot - Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
Johnny said with confidence "the desk". - There are two monkeys in a bath.. One goes 'ooh ooh ah ah!'
The other says 'put some cold in then!'
Share These Monkey Jokes With Friends
Monkey One Liners
Which monkey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with monkey? I can suggest the ones about unicorn and chimp.
- simulation of monkey pressing button simulation complete
- TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- What do you call 2 monkeys that share an amazon account? Prime mates.
- What do you call an exploding monkey? A baboom.
- What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom.
- The creator of predictive text died today His funfair is next monkey
- The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey
- What type of key opens a banana? A Monkey :3
- Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
- I must have that new monkey pox virus I think Im going bananas
- How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Monkeys screw in trees.
- The man who invented auto-correct has suddenly past away... His funfair is next monkey...
- The internet seems to be going ape over monkey pox. It's a jungle out there!
- I'm vaccinated against chicken pox AND monkey pox. I'm 2Pox Secure.
- What do you get when you put human DNA in a monkey? A lifetime ban from the Zoo
Monkey Banana Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey banana jokes and even better monkey banana puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A new study showed that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I dont remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- Study shows that people eat more bananas than monkeys I don't even remember the last time I ate a monkey!
- Bad jokes are the best jokes Did you know humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
I believe it… I've never eaten a monkey, have you? - What kind of key opens a banana A mon-key
- I must have that new Monkey Pox virus ! I think Im going bananas
- Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys? I mean who eats monkeys?
- So this study shows that humans eat more bananas than monkeys But I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- Humans eat more bananas than monkeys Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- A new study says humans eat bananas more than monkeys. I believe it. I know lots of people who eat bananas and none who eat monkeys.
- One monkey says to another monkey, what rhymes with Banana and the other monkey says No it doesn't.
Monkey See Monkey Do Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey see monkey do jokes and even better monkey see monkey do puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Recent studies show that chimps raised in captivity are more likely to reproduce if they are shown videos of other chimps mating in the wild. monkey see monkey do monkey, monkey do monkey
- Statistically humans eat more bananas than monkeys Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here
- What's a good day to see tailless monkeys at the zoo? Any gibbon day of the week
- A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!" - Why did the monkey trip over the branch? Because the Chimp-Can't -See
- What do you call a blind monkey? A chimp-can't-see.
- Why did the monkey fall out if the tree? He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer Pressure. - Why was the monkey very upset? It couldn't see it's baNana!
- What does a black biologist say when he sees a monkey? Whats up cuz!!!
- An old and gold jokes I'm gonna be a t**... & kill 1000 people and a monkey
Why do you wanna kill a monkey?
See ! No One Cares about the 1000 people
Monkey Bars Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey bars jokes and even better monkey bars puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know before they had Monkey bars Monkeys would just drink at home.
- Where do chimps go for a night out? The monkey bars....
- Where do monkeys hang out? At the monkey bars.
- Where did the alcohol on the Planet of the Apes come from? monkey bars
- Wanna know why those baboons are always drinking in the park? It's the only place with monkey bars.
- Another tale from the bar. A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a monkey, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
- Why did the banana not enjoy the playground? He was scared of the monkey bars.
- Three monkeys walk into bar. They all order drinks, drink them and leave.
It was bananas. - A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey
- 2 gay monkeys walk into a bar... [insert punchline]
Dead Monkey Jokes
Here is a list of funny dead monkey jokes and even better dead monkey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead!!
- My brother when he was 5 told me the following joke: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Now, he said the following with a pretty serious and sad look on his face: Because he was dead.
- 10 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed... ...One fell off and snapped his neck. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said:
"It's no use, this monkey is dead!" - A joke I heard at the Ren Fest once...still bad, and still hilarious. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead. - Do u know why monkey fell from the tree? Bcs he was dead
- Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the monkey. - What's worse than finding a dead monkey on your piano? Finding a diseased b**... on your o**....
- How come the monkey fell out of the tree? It was F**king dead
Monkey Pox Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey pox jokes and even better monkey pox puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear that people on Facebook are already freaking out about a monkey pox vaccine? The think it’ll have a microchimp.
- Most of your days spent picking nits out of your fur.
- Chills and fever-induced sweating will help you beat the heat all summer
- Monkeys have them, and everyone loves monkeys, no?
- Take a sip of a friend's Coke and say, Oh yeah, I have monkeypox. That means free Coke!
- What's so good to have a monkey pox ? It's like smallpox but monkey-er
- You're automatically entered in the World Health Organization's raffle for a new 2003 Pontiac v**...
- When you have monkey pox. It is always exciting to hear a doctor say, Dear God what the h**... is that?
- A man tests positive for Covid, h**..., and monkey pox after trip to Spain. When asked how his luck could be so bad he said it's contagious
Cheerful Fun Monkey Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about monkey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean moth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make monkey pranks.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
I had a t**... on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"
Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
A woman gets on a bus...
with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
My eight year old niece told me this. I think it's pretty funny!
An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. He asks the monkey,
"Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?"
*"I'm gonna eat bananas now."*
"s**... monkey, you are sitting on an apple tree!"
*"s**... elephant, I got bananas in my pocket."*
My grandfather told me this joke...
A lady and her baby walks onto a bus. The bus driver exclaims "wow that's one ugly baby!" The mother storms down the aisle and takes a seat next to a man. The man tells her "the bus driver should not have said that to you! You march right up to him and speak your mind while I hold your monkey!"
Just monkeying around
An orangutan walks over to an another orangutan and says 'Yo, I'm the best at climbing and swinging!'
His friend looks at him and says 'that's a gibbon.'
Two monkeys were sitting in a tub.
The first one says "Oooo Oooo Aaaa Aaaa Eeee Eeee!"
The second one says "Perhaps we should add some cold water."
Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters
will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
10 little monkeys jumping on the bed...
10 little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and broke his head.
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"
.....
6 little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and broke his head.
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"I'm calling social services."
This was once voted the UK's funniest joke...
A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"
A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
A monkey walks into a bar...
...and asks the bartender:
- Do you have bananas?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
- I said, no.
- Do you have bananas?
- No, are you deaf or what? If you ask me one more time if I have bananas, I'll NAIL your tongue at the counter!
- ... Do you have nails?
- No.
- Do you have bananas?
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
What do you call a monkey t**...?
A Baboom!
It's just a monkey.
When an adolescent girl starts growing p**..., she asks her mother about what's going on with her. The mother replies "it's just a monkey who is starting to grow hair". Later at the dinner table, she tells her older sister that her monkey had started growing hair. The sister replies "Mine even started eating bananas!".
What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?
Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
A man walks out of a bar...
He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...
The man who invented autocorrect just died.
His funfair will be on Monkey.
One day a woman and her baby got onto a bus
As the woman paid the bus driver, he said to her, That is one ugly baby!"
The woman was furious and stomped to her seat.
"What's the matter?"asked
another passenger.
"The bus driver just insulted me!"
"Well go up there and tell him off
while I hold your monkey."
What do you call a monkey holding a stick of dynamite?
A Baboom!
A young muslim couple go out hunting and shoot a monkey
The woman asks, "Shall we eat him?"
The man replies, "No, that's haram, bae!"
The inventor of auto-correct has died
His funfair will be next monkey.
A woman holding her baby gets on the bus
The chauffeur looks at it and says:
"That has to be the most ugly baby I've ever seen!"
Furious, the woman walks to the back of the bus and says to a man next to her:
"The driver just rudely insulted me!"
The man says:
"You don't have to allow that! Go and say something to him. While you do that, I'll hold on to your monkey."
A man and a monkey
A man found a monkey by the side of the road, but he didn't know what to do with it. When he got home with the monkey he asked his neighbour:
-What should I do with this monkey?
-Take it to the zoo, the neighbor answered.
-That's a good idea, I'll do that tomorrow.
The next day the neighbour saw the man come home again with the monkey.
-You didn't take it to the zoo?
-Yeah, I did. Next week we're going to Disneyland!
A woman boarded a bus carrying her baby.
"Ugh," said the bus driver. "That is the *ugliest* baby I have ever seen." Furious, the woman stormed down the aisle and took a seat.
"What's wrong, lady?" Asked the man next to her.
"That driver just insulted me!"
"Well you go up there and you tell him off! Here - I'll hold your monkey."
What do you call a monkey holding a fire c**...?
A Baboom!
An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly said " That part where hair has grown is called a Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair. " Next morning at breakfast she told her sister. " my moneky has grown hair. " her sister smiled and said " That's Nothing, mine is already eating Banana
A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs
She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
Ugliest baby that I've ever seen
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A n**... lady enters the costume party behind the turtle
She has nothing but a monkey covering her p**... area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"
Insulted on the Bus
A woman gets on the bus, and as she is paying for her ticket, the bus driver tells her, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Maddened, she walks away. She tells the man that she sits down next to, "Wow, I was just insulted by the bus driver!" The man said, "You shouldn't have to deal with that! Go give him a piece of your mind. I'll hold your monkey."
It's true that the Russians where the first to send a dog into space
It's also true that the Russians were first to put a monkey into the white house
So this lady is getting on the bus with her baby...
And as she gets on, the bus driver glances at her child, does a double take and says "Gaaaaahhhh!!"
Well, this disturbs the lady, but she sits down.
The passenger next to her sees that she's disturbed, and asks what's wrong.
"The bus driver was VERY rude to me!"
The passenger says, "Well, you should go give him a piece of your mind! Let me hold your monkey for you."
What do you get if you blow up a monkey?
Rhesus Pieces.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby
As she's paying for her ticket the bus driver says that's got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
The woman goes to the back of the bus, furious, she says to the man sitting next to her the bus driver just insulted me! , the man says go give him a piece of your mind then! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you!
A woman and her baby get on a bus to head out for some errands. The bus driver mumbles: 'Wow, that's one *ugly* baby!' The woman was absolutely livid and storms to the rear of the bus to sit. The man next to her asked if she was OK. She replied: 'No, the driver just insulted us!'
The man replied: 'You should go back and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'
A monkey and a weasel go to a bar in California
The monkey sits down at the bar and orders a beer. He gestures at the weasel and says, "he's driving though, so no beer for him." The bartender turns to the weasel and says, "alright, what'll you have?"
"Soda," goes the weasel.
Just saw an ape and a monkey debating what the correct way to refer to them is.
I think they're just arguing simiantics.
Two monkeys sit in a bath
One monkey says: "OOOH OOOH AAAH AAAH AAH OOH"
The other monkey then says: "Well put some cold water in then."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Stunned, the woman sits down and complains to the man next to her. "I can't believe that rude driver! He was so insulting to me! I have half I mind to tell him off!" The man replies, "You should. Let him have it. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What key can open a banana?
A mon**key**
Credit to a 4 year old
What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?
The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.
What kind of monkey can fly?
A hot air baboon
A woman gets on a bus with her baby...
The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A monkey and a Lizard are sitting on a tree smoking some w**....
After some time the lizard becomes thirsty and decides to go to the river to drink some water.
When he gets there, he falls in and is saved by a crocodile. After Explaining how he got high, The Crocodile decides to investigate.
When the crocodile reaches the tree, he calls out to the monkey. Still high, the monkey looks down and almost falls in shock: "Yo Man, How much water did you drink?"
One day, Tarzan is swinging through the jungle on his favourite vine when he crashes into a monkey swinging in the other direction.
They both land safely on a tree limb below, but when Tarzan looks up, there is only one vine hanging above them. Next to it, there is only a very thin branch.
"Were you swinging on that thing?" asks Tarzan.
"Yes," replies the monkey.
Tarzan is amazed. "How do you do that?"
The monkey rolls his eyes. "Am I the only one in this whole jungle who knows how to drive a stick?"
What do you call an explosive monkey?
A Baboom!
(made by my cousin)
Courtesy of my kid when she was seven: what's invisible and smells like bananas?
Monkey farts
What do you call a monkey at a barbecue?
A g'rilla!
A monkey escaped from the petting zoo.
He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb.
What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors?
A monkey and a donkey
The inventor of auto correct died today.
His fun fair is next monkey
