Monkey Jokes
145 monkey jokes and hilarious monkey puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about monkey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for funny monkey jokes? Check out our collection of hilarious monkey jokes for kids. From silly monkey puns to clever riddles, these jokes are sure to make you laugh out loud.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Monkey Short Jokes
Short monkey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The monkey humour may include short unicorn jokes also.
- Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.
I want my, I want my, I want my NFT. - 2 monkeys sat on a branch, one says "ooh ooohh aha ha aha!" The other says "careful, that's hot."
- If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare... ...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
- People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 banana,
and only ate 6 monkeys. - My wife just told me that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I believe her, bananas are much easier to peel.
- Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away His funfair will be held next Monkey
- Two monkeys entered a bath. Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot - Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
Johnny said with confidence "the desk". - Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed, one jumped off and bumped his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said We don't accept your insurance.
- Did you hear that people on Facebook are already freaking out about a monkey pox vaccine? The think it’ll have a microchimp.
Share These Monkey Jokes With Friends
Monkey One Liners
Which monkey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with monkey? I can suggest the ones about chimp and moth.
- simulation of monkey pressing button simulation complete
- TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- What do you call 2 monkeys that share an amazon account? Prime mates.
- What do you call an exploding monkey? A baboom.
- The creator of predictive text died today His funfair is next monkey
- What type of key opens a banana? A Monkey :3
- Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
- How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Monkeys screw in trees.
- The internet seems to be going ape over monkey pox. It's a jungle out there!
- I'm vaccinated against chicken pox AND monkey pox. I'm 2Pox Secure.
- I must have that new Monkey Pox virus ! I think Im going bananas
- What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors? A monkey and a donkey
- Most of your days spent picking nits out of your fur.
- The inventor of auto-correct has died His funfair will be next monkey.
- Chills and fever-induced sweating will help you beat the heat all summer
Monkey Banana Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey banana jokes and even better monkey banana puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bad jokes are the best jokes Did you know humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
I believe it… I've never eaten a monkey, have you? - Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys? I mean who eats monkeys?
- One monkey says to another monkey, what rhymes with Banana and the other monkey says No it doesn't.
- Courtesy of my kid when she was seven: what's invisible and smells like bananas? Monkey farts
- What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak? I've banana roll lately.
- A monkey asks another monkey - What are you doing?
- Eating a banana.
- But why is it brown?
- Because I'm eating it the second time. - How do you open a locked banana? With a monkey
- I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It's true!" "When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
- Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Although monkeys are more filling.
- If a monkey has 30 bananas in one hand and 40 in the other, what does he have? Very large hands
Monkey See Monkey Do Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey see monkey do jokes and even better monkey see monkey do puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Recent studies show that chimps raised in captivity are more likely to reproduce if they are shown videos of other chimps mating in the wild. monkey see monkey do monkey, monkey do monkey
- Statistically humans eat more bananas than monkeys Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here
- What's a good day to see tailless monkeys at the zoo? Any gibbon day of the week
- A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!" - Why did the monkey trip over the branch? Because the Chimp-Can't -See
- Why was the monkey very upset? It couldn't see it's baNana!
- What does a black biologist say when he sees a monkey? Whats up cuz!!!
Monkey Bars Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey bars jokes and even better monkey bars puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know before they had Monkey bars Monkeys would just drink at home.
- Where do chimps go for a night out? The monkey bars....
- Where do monkeys hang out? At the monkey bars.
- Where did the alcohol on the Planet of the Apes come from? monkey bars
- Another tale from the bar. A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a monkey, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
- Why did the banana not enjoy the playground? He was scared of the monkey bars.
- Three monkeys walk into bar. They all order drinks, drink them and leave.
It was bananas. - A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey
- I heard Reese's is doing a monkey shaped chocolate bar now.. It's called a Reese's Macaque.
- What do muslims use to build muscle? Monkey Bars.
Dead Monkey Jokes
Here is a list of funny dead monkey jokes and even better dead monkey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My brother when he was 5 told me the following joke: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Now, he said the following with a pretty serious and sad look on his face: Because he was dead.
- 10 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed... ...One fell off and snapped his neck. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said:
"It's no use, this monkey is dead!" - A joke I heard at the Ren Fest once...still bad, and still hilarious. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead. - Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the monkey.
Monkey Pox Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey pox jokes and even better monkey pox puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Monkeys have them, and everyone loves monkeys, no?
- Take a sip of a friend's Coke and say, Oh yeah, I have monkeypox. That means free Coke!
- What's so good to have a monkey pox ? It's like smallpox but monkey-er
Cheerful Fun Monkey Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about monkey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean monster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make monkey pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a t**... on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman gets on a bus...
with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My eight year old niece told me this. I think it's pretty funny!
An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. He asks the monkey,
"Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?"
*"I'm gonna eat bananas now."*
"s**... monkey, you are sitting on an apple tree!"
*"s**... elephant, I got bananas in my pocket."*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her baby get on a bus...
and the bus driver looks over and says, "Good God! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman is fuming as she takes her seat next to a man. She looks over and says, "That bus driver just insulted me!"
The man replies, "Then you go let him have it! Go on! I'll hold your monkey."
Just monkeying around
An orangutan walks over to an another orangutan and says 'Yo, I'm the best at climbing and swinging!'
His friend looks at him and says 'that's a gibbon.'
Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters
will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
10 little monkeys jumping on the bed...
10 little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and broke his head.
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"
.....
6 little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and broke his head.
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"I'm calling social services."
what did the depressed monkey say when his tail went through the lawnmower?
It won't be long now...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American and an Indian board a plane to LAX,
Indian sits next to American.
American asks: What kind of "ian" are you?
- What?
- I said What kind of "ian" are you?
- I don't understand your question.
- s**...! Are you Cambodian, Indian or Iranian?
- Oh! I am Indian.
2 hours passed without a word.
Indian asks: What kind of "key" are you?
- What?
- Are you a monkey, donkey, or Yankee?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a monkey named James that's afraid of everything?
Jim-p**...
Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?
Cuz it was yellow and appealing!
Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey at a zoo passes away, and no monkeys are left to replace it
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, he is pretending to be a monkey, and after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling and screaming for help, the Lion approaches him and the man prepares for the end. The lion opens its mouth and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?
Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
A man walks out of a bar...
He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...
A young muslim couple go out hunting and shoot a monkey
The woman asks, "Shall we eat him?"
The man replies, "No, that's haram, bae!"
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar, orders a beer, walks over to the piano, and sets his beer down on it. The piano man's monkey climbs over and pees directly into the glass of beer. The man says
"Hey, do you know your monkey peed in my glass?!?"
The piano man says
"No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll play it for you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman wants to transform into an Irish.
He inquires the expert doctor about alternatives.
**Doc**: "We will have to remove the right half of your brain."
**Patient**: "Alright. Let's go through with it."
(The next day, after the procedure...)
**Doc**: "There were serious complications during the operation.
We had to remove your entire brain. There is of course the option of installing a monkey brain."
**Patient**: "Non, non, non. -C'est magnifique!"
A man and a monkey
A man found a monkey by the side of the road, but he didn't know what to do with it. When he got home with the monkey he asked his neighbour:
-What should I do with this monkey?
-Take it to the zoo, the neighbor answered.
-That's a good idea, I'll do that tomorrow.
The next day the neighbour saw the man come home again with the monkey.
-You didn't take it to the zoo?
-Yeah, I did. Next week we're going to Disneyland!
What do you get when you microwave a monkey?
Rhesus pieces.
I'll let myself out.
A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs
She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
A man went back to a pet store fuming.
"Excuse me," he said to the pet shop owner. "That trained monkey you sold me yesterday died!"
"Wow," the owner replied. "He could never do that trick when I owned him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an easily scared monkey?
Chimp p**...
What do you call a monkey that likes to gossip?
A blaboon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... lady enters the costume party behind the turtle
She has nothing but a monkey covering her p**... area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"
What do you call an experimental monkey in a blender?
Rhesus pieces........
Why couldn't the monkey use the barbecue?
He wasn't a grill'a
It's true that the Russians where the first to send a dog into space
It's also true that the Russians were first to put a monkey into the white house
Everyone knows the Russians were the first to put a dog into space.
Now people know they are also the first to put a monkey in the White House.
Why did the monkey and Jane fight over Tarzan?
Because they heard that he swings both ways.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this lady is getting on the bus with her baby...
And as she gets on, the bus driver glances at her child, does a double take and says "Gaaaaahhhh!!"
Well, this disturbs the lady, but she sits down.
The passenger next to her sees that she's disturbed, and asks what's wrong.
"The bus driver was VERY rude to me!"
The passenger says, "Well, you should go give him a piece of your mind! Let me hold your monkey for you."
What do you get if you blow up a monkey?
Rhesus Pieces.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her baby get on a bus to head out for some errands. The bus driver mumbles: 'Wow, that's one *ugly* baby!' The woman was absolutely livid and storms to the rear of the bus to sit. The man next to her asked if she was OK. She replied: 'No, the driver just insulted us!'
The man replied: 'You should go back and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'
A monkey and a weasel go to a bar in California
The monkey sits down at the bar and orders a beer. He gestures at the weasel and says, "he's driving though, so no beer for him." The bartender turns to the weasel and says, "alright, what'll you have?"
"Soda," goes the weasel.
Just saw an ape and a monkey debating what the correct way to refer to them is.
I think they're just arguing simiantics.
Jungle animals started a softball league...
The teams are separated by species.
A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.
He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."
"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just want to know which field I'm on."
"Species puns, huh?" he replied, "Well toucan play at that game."
What's a monkeys favourite dessert?
Lemon Morangutan Pie.
I'm sorry.
My 8 year old son just told me this : What do you call a flying monkey ?
A hot air baboon !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What key can open a banana?
A mon**key**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?
The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The craziest job I ever had was cleaning the monkey cages in our local zoo.
That s**... was bananas.
What kind of monkey can fly?
A hot air baboon
Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.
Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Hawaii.
Chuck can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass..................at night.
When Chuck is in Rome, they do what HE does.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one questions why.
On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him...
"Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"
a cop pulls a guy over with a monkey in the car
The cop says to the guy, why do you have a monkey in your car? Take him to the zoo!The guys says 'right away officer!'A week later, the cop sees him driving around again with the monkey still in his car so he pulls him over again. Cop says 'I thought I told you to take this monkey to the zoo!' The man says ' I did, this week I am taking to the movies'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey and a Lizard are sitting on a tree smoking some w**....
After some time the lizard becomes thirsty and decides to go to the river to drink some water.
When he gets there, he falls in and is saved by a crocodile. After Explaining how he got high, The Crocodile decides to investigate.
When the crocodile reaches the tree, he calls out to the monkey. Still high, the monkey looks down and almost falls in shock: "Yo Man, How much water did you drink?"
One day, Tarzan is swinging through the jungle on his favourite vine when he crashes into a monkey swinging in the other direction.
They both land safely on a tree limb below, but when Tarzan looks up, there is only one vine hanging above them. Next to it, there is only a very thin branch.
"Were you swinging on that thing?" asks Tarzan.
"Yes," replies the monkey.
Tarzan is amazed. "How do you do that?"
The monkey rolls his eyes. "Am I the only one in this whole jungle who knows how to drive a stick?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman gets on a bus carrying her baby. The driver says 'Oh my, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen' The woman goes to her seat with an angry rage building. The man sat next her asks 'What's the matter?' To which the woman says the driver was so rude to her she might lose it...
'That's outrageous' says the man 'You should go and tell him off for whatever he said. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you whilst you do'
What do you call a monkey at a barbecue?
A g'rilla!
A monkey escaped from the petting zoo.
He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're automatically entered in the World Health Organization's raffle for a new 2003 Pontiac v**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When you have monkey pox.
It is always exciting to hear a doctor say, Dear God what the h**... is that?
My friend lost is job at the zoo.
They caught him spanking the monkey.
