Monitor Jokes

79 monitor jokes and hilarious monitor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about monitor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article covers the funniest jokes about monitor lizards, ankle monitors, heart monitors, baby monitors, class monitors, and hall monitors. Find out what makes these jokes tick and have a laugh as you oversee and observe the jokes on flats screen.

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jokes about monitor

Best Short Monitor Jokes

Short monitor puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The monitor humour may include short screen jokes also.

  1. Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable." Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
    Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
  2. How Can You Tell When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer? The power is on and you're connected to the internet.
  3. I read an article that said it's good for your eyesight to look at something distant occasionally during computer use. So I put a picture of my dad next to the monitor.
  4. My wife said to put a baby monitor in the crib with our son... but I don't think lizards make very good pets for babies.
  5. The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
  6. Our young son has been crying a lot at night, so my wife asked me to go out and get a baby monitor for him… But he seems even more freaked out now with the big lizard crawling all over him…
  7. Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records? Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!
  8. I was sending letters to a kid with cancer I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.
  9. My pregnant wife never allowed me to have a pet lizard. But today she told me to buy a baby monitor.
  10. The experts recommend putting a baby monitor in the nursery with your baby. Turns out they don't mean the lizard.
Monitor joke, The experts recommend putting a baby monitor in the nursery with your baby.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about monitor can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of monitor puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Monitor One Liners

Which monitor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with monitor? I can suggest the ones about console and inspect.

  1. I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018 It's my new year's resolution.
  2. What computer monitor sings the best? A Dell.
  3. Baby monitors are magical When I turn it off my baby stops crying
  4. How do you rescue a dying monitor? With a screen saver
  5. My computer gave birth today Now I need to buy a baby monitor
  6. Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate, right where it hertz.
  7. What reptile can be found on computers Monitor lizard
  8. An employee at work needs a new computer screen I'm monitoring the situation.
  9. I just bought an 8K monitor... It's quite a lot of money for a 1920x1080 resolution.
  10. I'm Skyping your mom right now I've got both monitors up so she can fit.
  11. What did the monitor say when it got punched? "Ouch, that Hertz!"
  12. My friend tried to sell me a triangular monitor but I knew it was just a pyramid screen.
  13. What do you call someone with two monitors? Mr. Game and Watch
  14. I like to work out by lifting monitors 240 Hz
  15. What do they make polygons wear on probation? an angle monitor

Heart Monitor Jokes

Here is a list of funny heart monitor jokes and even better heart monitor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • After breaking up with my girlfriend, I got a device to monitor the condition of my heart. There was only one problem... It was broken.
  • A man with manic depression buys a heart rate monitor It was made by Polar
  • I just plugged in my phone to charge... and now my grans heart rate monitor wont shut up with this long beep and its driving me nuts!
  • m**... while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff They never know if you're coming or going

Baby Monitor Jokes

Here is a list of funny baby monitor jokes and even better baby monitor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My girlfriend said she's leaving me because of my obsession with baby monitors... For crying out loud!
  • I bring a baby monitor to the bar one time

Monitor Lizard Jokes

Here is a list of funny monitor lizard jokes and even better monitor lizard puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If there were a lizard school, which students would be the one keeping order? The monitors.

Hall Monitor Jokes

Here is a list of funny hall monitor jokes and even better hall monitor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was a very determined hall monitor at school. The other kids called me Batman, Not because of that but because both my parents were murdered.
  • Guns don't belong in the hands of the teachers, they belong in the hands of the thin blue line That's right, the hall monitors. It's time we enforce the **real** rules, people.
Monitor joke, Guns don't belong in the hands of the teachers, they belong in the hands of the thin blue line

Hilarious Monitor Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about monitor you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean guard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make monitor prank.

What does the herpetologist do when the s**... reproduction experiment is over?

Turns off his monitor.

I like it when I open a document and my monitor says WORD. And I'm like, YO.

So I've to board my submarine off the coast of the Seychelles and monitor the Somali pirates as they sail around the coast of Mogadishu.

This is my latest submission.

Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers?

It's a shifty business.

There have been so many recent t**... attacks in the US

It *almost* makes you wish we had some kind of national agency that could monitor people's communication and act to stop things like this before they happen

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

Whenever I go bowling....

I enter my name as "3 t**...".
That way, occasionally the monitor says "Congratulations 3 t**...! You got a spare!"

Surgeons remove 915 coins swallowed by Thai sea turtle

They continue to monitor his Stool and see no change.

A rookie cop is sent to monitor a speed trap for hours...

Finally near the end of his shift a car blows by at 80 mph. He pulls over a teenager and tells him, "I waited all day for you to get here."
The teenager replies: "I got here as fast as I could."

What is black and doesn't work?

My monitor.

How can you tell if a blonde has been at a computer working on a Word document?

There's White Out all over the computer monitor.

A stray bullet just flew through my window and broke my monitor.

I think there are better ways to take a screenshot...

New Years resolution

Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy w**... from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy c**... from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo

Appointing a class monitor..

*Teacher*: What do you do after school?
*1st Student*: I go and buy w**... from Yakobo
*2nd Student*: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
*3rd Student*: I go and buy c**... from Yakobo.
*4th Student*: I always stay at home and do my homework.
*Teacher:* You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
*4th Student*: Yakobo
*Teacher*: Satan!

TIFU by k**... my computer monitor...

and my foot still hertz.

A pirate walks into a bar…

A pirate walks into a bar with a small computer and monitor on his c**.... The bartender picks him out immediately and notices graphs and statistical functions appearing on the screen as the pirate walks up to him. When he reaches the bar, the pirate asks
for some r**....
The bartender says, "Yes, but sir, do you realize you have a computer in your pants?
The pirate gestures down and explains, "R! It's drivin' me nuts!"

What is a racist guy's favorite type of monitor?


Why were there never any 3k monitors?

Because w**... were over pronounced, and color balance was no good.

Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.

Life was recently discovered on Mars.

NASA had recently sent more cameras to monitor the surface of Mars when they came across a creature that they had never seen before. Due to it's large ears and long tail they decided that this was some new form of feline species. However, upon closer inspection they found that this creature was not moving and in fact had large tire marks across it's back. Based on these findings NASA had but one unfortunate observation to make.
"Curiosity killed the cat"

The FBI closed the National Solar Observatory monitoring the sun in New Mexico.

It has been repositioned to monitor Uranus.

I need a monitor parallel from my window

So I could look at something from the bright side.

GEEK b**...... INCHES

I've got a 21-inch... monitor.

My New Year's resolution is exactly the same as the last year's

1920x1080p, I still don't have money for a new monitor...

I got a new ultra high definition monitor on January 1st.

My New Year's resolution is 4K.

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

The Farmer was careful to monitor the ratio of roosters to chickens

He was trying to control ova population.

Two friends meet after several months in the streat and they start talking

\+ You have lost a lot of weight! You look better!
\- Yeah, I have been going to a new gym. It is near here.
\+ Oh really? Do you have a strict monitor and a dietist?
\- No, the gym is so expensive that I barely have money to eat.

All of our workers have airbags in their monitor

So it will protect them when their computers c**....

A teacher asks her students what they do after school.

Teacher : "What do you do after school?"
Student #1 : "I always go buy cigarettes from Yakobo"
Student #2 : "I go to buy w**... from Yakobo"
Student #3 : "I go to buy c**... from Yakobo"
Student #4 : "I always stay at home and do my homework"
Teacher : \*points at Student #4\* "You are a great student. I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to the other students. What is your name?"
Student #4 : "Yakobo"

Little Johnny wants a computer upgrade

Little Johnny was complaining to his mom that he needs a new computer, because the graphics aren't as clear as his friend's.
His mom looked at the monitor and said, it'll take her 10 minutes to upgrade the computer.
Johnny laughed. Mom could barely change a light bulb, but she was going to upgrade his computer in 10 minutes!?
10 minutes later, Johnny couldn't believe it. The graphics were clearer than his friend's!
"How did you do it?", he asked?
She said, "I cleaned your monitor".

Mood 𝑺𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈

Two women are shopping and talking about their husbands. One says, "My husband said he was getting impatient with my mood swings, so he bought me a mood ring the other day to monitor my moods." "How'd that work out?" asked the second woman. "Well," said the first, "When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big, flipping red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond."

Monitor joke, My pregnant wife never allowed me to have a pet lizard.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these monitor jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.