monica Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious monica puns

Cheer up Hilary!

At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.


Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth


What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

About one U.S Leader.


Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".


What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader.


What's Bill Clinton's favorite instrument to play?

His whore Monica.


Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."


$1 joke from homeless man on Santa Monica pier- "What did 1 butt cheek say to the other butt cheek"

" Together We can stop this shit"


Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.

"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.

"No, mustard," Monica replies


I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar..

but she's already had her face on a Bill.


Dry Cleaning

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."


Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school.



What is the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

1 US Leader.


If Hillary becomes president

She'll be sitting at the desk Monica sat under


Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....

with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"


Monica said she wasn't voting for Hilary...

because the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth


Monica Lewinsky is going to vote for Bernie

The last time a Clinton was in office it left a bad taste in her mouth.


What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US Leader


Love Handles

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out.

"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish."

"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles."

"Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke...

And her ears promptly fell off.


What do you call a person who kneels after the President makes inappropriate comments?

Monica Lewinsky


Oh, Bill...

A reporter asks Bill Clinton, "How's Hillary's head?"

He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!"


Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year

Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job.


How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill...

under the table


What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.


Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?"

"Not as good as Monica"


Why Didn't Monica Lewinsky Vote For Hilary Clinton?

Because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.


Hillary Clinton sucks!

No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.


Monica Lewinsky says she won't endorse Hillary for president...

"The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth"


Did anyone else see that 60 Minutes interview with Monica Lewinsky last night?

She said she wasn't very happy about possibly having another Clinton in the White House. That the last one left a bad taste in her mouth.


I heard that Monica Lewinsky voted Republican this year.

The Democrats left her with a bad taste in her mouth.


Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary?

The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.


recently re-relevant

So Monica Lewinsy rushes into the dry cleaner with a blue dress clutched in her hand. Recognizing the man behind the counter, she says "I need this dress cleaned right away." Realizing that he has been spoken to, but not certain what was said, the dry cleaner responds "Come again?"

No, says Lewisnki. It's yogurt.


Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners, the guy is a little old and hard of hearing. Monica says "i need to get this dress cleaned, no starch, use the same hanger."
The dry cleaner responds "come again?"
Monica says "nope, this time it's mustard."


What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.


Monica Lewinski released a statement that said she would be voting for Donald Trump

the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth


What are the most funny Monica jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Monica? Well, here are the best Monica dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Monica pick up lines to share with friends.

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