Monica Jokes

Following is our collection of hillary humor and presidential one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Monica puns for adults, dirty christina jokes or clean impeachment gags for kids.

There is an abundance of barbara jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 90 funniest jokes on monica. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any jenni witze you can hear about monica.

The Best jokes about Monica

Cheer up Hilary!

At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

Monica Lewinsky i have a joke

I have an intern joke and it ... nevermind.

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

About one U.S Leader.

Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".


What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader.

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.

"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.

"No, mustard," Monica replies

I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar..

but she's already had her face on a Bill.

Dry Cleaning

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."

Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school.

Headmaster.


If Hillary becomes president

She'll be sitting at the desk Monica sat under

Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....

with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"

Monica said she wasn't voting for Hilary...

because the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth

Monica Lewinsky is going to vote for Bernie

The last time a Clinton was in office it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Love Handles

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out.

"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish."

"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles."

"Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke...

And her ears promptly fell off.

What do you call a person who kneels after the President makes inappropriate comments?

Monica Lewinsky

Oh, Bill...

A reporter asks Bill Clinton, "How's Hillary's head?"

He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!"

Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year

Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job.


How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill...

under the table

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why Didn't Monica Lewinsky Vote For Hilary Clinton?

Because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?"

"Not as good as Monica"

Hillary Clinton sucks!

No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.

Monica Lewinsky says she won't endorse Hillary for president...

"The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth"

Did anyone else see that 60 Minutes interview with Monica Lewinsky last night?

She said she wasn't very happy about possibly having another Clinton in the White House. That the last one left a bad taste in her mouth.

I heard that Monica Lewinsky voted Republican this year.

The Democrats left her with a bad taste in her mouth.

Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary?

The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.

recently re-relevant

So Monica Lewinsy rushes into the dry cleaner with a blue dress clutched in her hand. Recognizing the man behind the counter, she says "I need this dress cleaned right away." Realizing that he has been spoken to, but not certain what was said, the dry cleaner responds "Come again?"

No, says Lewisnki. It's yogurt.

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners, the guy is a little old and hard of hearing. Monica says "i need to get this dress cleaned, no starch, use the same hanger."
The dry cleaner responds "come again?"
Monica says "nope, this time it's mustard."

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.

Monica Lewinsky joke

I have an intern joke and it... nevermind.

Monica Lewinski released a statement that said she would be voting for Donald Trump

the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

I don't think Hillary Clinton would make a good president.

Last time she had a job she outsourced it to Monica.

If you think Hillary is going to drop out of the presidential race, you should know Hillary doesn't go down...

That's why Bill had Monica.

How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

Monica Lewinsky just released a statement on the presidential candidacy of Hillary Clinton...

She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."

I kinda want Hillary to win the US election

Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.

Monica Lewinsky says she WILL endorse Hillary for president...

..says Hillary Clinton "doesn't suck."

Who is Monica Lewinsky's favorite football player?

Ha Ha Clinton Dix

What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common?

They both say "insert Bill here"

What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky?

He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.

Hillary sucks

But not like Monica

Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...

....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."

It was a typo that caused Clinton's problems...

Monica was actually told to go down and sack his cook.

I highly doubt that Monica Lewinsky will support Hillary in 2016.

I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.

What do Monica Lewinsky and the Green Bay Packers have in common?

They both love Clinton-Dix.

Why is Monica Lewinsky so poor

Because she's always blowing bills

Did you hear Monica Lewinsky became a republican?

The democrats just left a bad taste in her mouth

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Monica Lewinsky just turned 43

It seems like only yesterday she was crawling on the floor of the White House

I'm so tired of people saying Hillary sucks...

She doesn't. Just ask Bill and Monica.

Why do so many black people name their kids Monica..?

You always hear them: * Whatup Monica? *

I'd rather vote for Monica Lewinsky than Hillary Clinton...

...because at least a little bit of Bill rubbed off on Monica!

Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky stopped smoking cigars?

Now she's just bummimg cigarettes!

THAT SMILE

A reporter asks Bill Clinton,. 'What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?"
He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across."

Hillary Clinton found out that Bill was getting it on with Monica Lewinsky.

She shrugged her shoulders and said "Better her than me."

What's white, located in washington and has a president within it?

Monica Lewinsky's teeth.

Bill Clinton right now, texting Monica Lewinsky "You up?"

The US can't rely on Hillary Clinton to create jobs

The last meaningful job Hillary had was outsourced to Monica Lewinsky...

...and Monica blew it!

Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have a brother or sister?

Monica Lewinsky swallowed them.

What do Monica Lewinsky and NFL players both have in common?

It's their knees that go first.

The Presidential Clock

Bill: Do you want to see the Presidential Clock?

Monica: Sure!

Bill: Okay. (Unzips pants and pulls it out)

Monica: That don't look like no clock I ever saw Sir.

Bill: It will if you put a face and two hands on it.

Girlfriend: Love you babe, xx…

*-I love you too!*
I'd be *so* happy if u put x's in when u SMS me...
*-Ok! Rachel, Sarah, Monica.*

Who is Santa Claus?

Because if in Spanish, "Santo" or "San" is used for male saints...
(San Francisco, San Diego)
And "Santa" is used for female saints...
(Santa Monica, Santa Barbara)
Wouldn't that make Santa Claus transsexual?

I live in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. My girlfriend is taking a flight from London to come see me. I have promised her that I'll go pick her up from the airport

We'll both leave our respective houses at the same time :|

I told my family I'm voting for Hillary, she can't blow it!

If she did Monica wouldn't have to.

Wow Monica Lewinski is 50

They grow up so fast. It seems like it was just yesterday, she was crawling around the Oval Office putting everything in her mouth.

Another day at the White House

After returning from the White House after a forum on sex in the workplace, Monica Lewinsky takes her dress to the dry cleaner.

The dry cleaner has an ear infection and is having trouble hearing.

Monica says to the dry cleaner, I need my dress cleaned. The dry cleaner does not hear her well and says "come again", and Monica replies, "No, mustard"

Monica Lewinski walks into the dry cleaners

She says, "I have another dress for you to clean."

The owner who is slightly hard of hearing replies, "Come again?"

"Oh no, it's just mustard"

What do Monica Lewinsky and an Asian political correspondent have in common?

All they talk about is the presidential erection

The question of Monica Lewinsky:

Did she blow a sitting U.S. president or blow him while standing?

What was Monica Lewinsky's high school yearbook superlative?

Most likely to suck seed.

Phew, don't have to think of a catchy title today

Why is Monica so exited for the next Clinton presidency?

This time she won't have to swallow.

Why doesn't Monica Lewinsky like going to the doctor?

He always shoves a Bill down her throat!

What did Bill Clinton say when asked about

What did Bill Clinton say when asked about Monica Lewinsky's best feature?

She has the whitest teeth I've ever came across.

What does Monica Lewinsky say to call her dog over?

"Come, spot!"

Hillary Clinton wants the President held accountable for his sexual abuses

Monica Lewinski said #metoo

What do Monica Lewinsky and the New York Giants have in common?

They were both terrorized by Clinton Dix, Ha Ha.

What does Monica Lewinsky going to the oval office and you cashing your paycheck have in common?

In both cases somebody leaves with a hand full of Bills.

I came in second at a Monica Lewinsky look alike competition. . .

. . . the judge said I was close, but no cigar.

Everybody hated Monica Lewinsky

But now everybody wants her to get her old job back.

Can't blame Monica Lewinsky for getting her dress dirty...

I'm sure she just didn't see it coming...

Apparently Monica Lewinsky is voting Republican

The Democrats must've left a bad taste in her mouth




(Shamefully stolen from facebook sorry if it's a repost)

Obama : The people are worried Hillary is not focused.... How is her head currently???

Bill Clinton: Well she's no Monica... But she's good.

What would be funny about Hillary as president?

That she would be sitting at the desk that Monica once kneeled under!

Sure Hillary sucks...

...Just not as much as Monica.

Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck.

If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica.

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton have in common?

They blew a seal.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes