Money Tip Jokes
40 money tip jokes and hilarious money tip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about money tip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Money Tip Short Jokes
Short money tip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The money tip humour may include short bartender tip jokes also.
- My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo The money's not great but the tips are huge
- I filled my car with gas the other week and it cost me $175.00 So I drove off without paying.
They took me to court and I got fined $75.00
I will be back next week with more money saving tips... - A Rabbi's money maker. A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips! - What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips. - I was in the betting shop and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named 'Landfill'. Turns out it was a rubbish tip.
- If you wake up at midday... ...you save the money you would have spent on breakfast.
Just contact me if you need any more finance tips. - I kept trying to give my caddy a tip after my last round of golf, but he refused. Apparently after watching me play, he only wanted money.
- I just donated some money to the maintainers of a Linux distribution derived from Red Hat \*tips fedora\*
- Life tip: To become irresistible to women all you gotta do is to borrow money from them.
Effects varies depending on the amount you borrow from them. More you borrow, more they become irresistible. - Handy money-saving tip: Avoid spending money on expensive binoculars... ...by simply standing closer to the objects you wish to observe.
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Money Tip One Liners
Which money tip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with money tip? I can suggest the ones about money collection and tipped waitress.
- How do Rabbis make money? They keep the tips.
- I got a part-time job at the gas station glory-hole... ...I make my money on tips.
- When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
- how does a moel make his money? he collects the tips.
- How much money do h**... with shallow vaginas make? Just the tips.
- Why do Jews Have So Much Money? They always keep the tips.
- What do you do when a p**... wants more money? Give her the tip
Money Tip Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about money tip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean money tight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make money tip pranks.
Ferrari
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery.
When the doorbell rings I answer it completely n**.... So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.
A Man Asks a Mohel if he Makes a lot of money.
"Well, no..." The mohel says.
"Then how do you make a living?" the man asks.
The mohel answers,
"Well, I don't have a wage, but I always keep the tips!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
l**... and a p**...
After the s**... the l**... gives the p**... the money and says
keep the tip.
\- not sure if anyone posted this before, new to this sub
What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a canoe.
One wants to steal your money and the other generously tips.
I believe people who perform circumcision make pretty good money.
At least I've heard they have a "tips" jar.
I forgot my tips from last night in my shorts...
Now I'm serving 12 years in jail for money laundering.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
A Defendant in a Lawsuit . . .
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"
Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."
"But I did send them.", replied the man.
"What?" shouted the lawyer.
"I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes...
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up
Interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years,
You could have now bought a new Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy walks into a bar.. (long joke)
And asks for a drink. He notices a jar full of money and asks the bartender if he gets a lot of tips. Bartender explains that it's part of an ongoing bet. The man asks what he must do to win the money. The bartender states that the man must climb the oak tree behind the bar and grab a leaf from the very top, pull an abscessed tooth from a pit bull, and bang a 50 year old v**.... The man refuses.
After many drinks, the man finally accepts the bet. He climbs the tree with ease and brings the bartender a leaf. The man then stumbles to the back room where the dog is sleeping. After a lot of commotion, screaming, and yelping, the man returns. He says, "Now where's the lady with the abscessed tooth?"
A man walks into a bar and is appproached by a woman
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: Rs. 300 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs Rs. 300 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at Rs. 27,000. In one year, it would be approximately Rs. 3,24,000 …correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend Rs. 3,24,00 , not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at Rs. 64,80,000 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
..
Woman:
No
Man: Then where's your Ferrari?
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending
each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400
…correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought
a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
What color is your Ferrari?
The army had to fire three of their generals..
They decided that a monetary compensation would be fitting, so they lined the three generals up and said:
"You will be paid a thousand dollars for each centimeter of distance you create from one body part to another"
The first general stretched his arms as far from each other as he possibly could, and said
"Measure the distance from the fingertips on my left hand, to the fingertips on my right hand." they paid the general and went on to the next.
The second general stretched his arms as far above his head as possible and said
"Measure the distance from the tip of my fingers to the tip of my toes" he was paid, and left with even more money than the first general.
They got to the final general, who promptly said
"I want you to measure the distance from my left nut to my right nut"
The soldier with the measuring tape didn't understand what was happening but did as he was told. A few moments later the confused soldier said "Sir, i don't understand. I can only see your right nut"
The general said with a big smile on his face:
"I know, i lost my left nut in 'nam"
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company dollars.
One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray
travel expenses.
In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage.
Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit s**...,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit s**... by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”