monastery Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious monastery puns

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

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A priest was confronted by a prostitute.

"Do want a quickie for ten bucks?"

Not knowing what it was, he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him. So he asked a nun, "what's a quickie?"

The nun replied "Ten bucks same as in town."

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A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.

The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.

So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"

"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."

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A new monk arrives at the monastery.....

and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

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A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.

It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.

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You aren't a monk.

A man is driving through a town and his car breaks down in front of a monastery. He decides to go up to the door and ask if he can stay the night and the monks let him. At night he is laying in his bed and he hears this extremely strange noise. In the morning he asks a monk what the strange noise was. The monk replied, "I can't tell you because you aren't a monk." The man accepted this fact, graciously thanked the monks for letting him stay, and went on his way. Three years later the man was driving through the same town and broke down in front of the same monastery. Again he asks the monks if he could stay the night, and they let him. And again at night he hears the strange noise. In the morning he asks and gets the same answer. Then he asks how he can become a monk. They reply, "Go count every blade of grass and every pebble in the world." The man comes back 43 years later and gives them accurate numbers. They let him become a monk and the first thing he does is ask to see what the noise was. They take him to a wooden door. He reaches for the handle and its locked. They give him a key, then he happens upon a stone door. Locked. He goes through every kind of door you could possibly think of as they give him keys for each. Then he gets to a diamond door and they give him a key and he unlocks it. Then he opens it and is completely amazed. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

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Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

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Cowboy and a Priest

So a redneck cowboy is driving down the road in his truck, in a rush to get to his girlfriends house. All of a sudden he sees a priest on the side of the road hitchhiking. "Ahh shit!" says the cowboy, "no matter how big of a rush Im in, i can't leave a priest out here hitchhiking" So the Cowboy pulls over and lets the priest in the car. "Thank you son, it sure is a long way back to the monastery from here" So the two of them continue down the road making small talk, when the cowboy sees another hitchhiker up the road but this one is a black guy. "Hmmmm" thinks the cowboy "I can't ignore someone in need with a priest in the car, but there's no way I'm giving that black guy a ride. I know... Ill pretend to fall asleep, drift to the side and run his ass over. It'll all look like an accident!" So the cowboy pretends to nod off at just the right time, and all of a sudden he hears a THUMP! "Oh my gosh, did I just hit that poor black man!?" the cowboy exclaimed. "No" said the priest, "you missed his black ass, but luckily I got him with the door"

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There were some monks in a monastery...

...and they were looking after homeless people. The first homeless person goes up to the Abbot and says "Abbot I've sinned". The Abbot replies "Well how have you sinned?". The man replies "I stole money from a shop", "Go and drink from the fountain and you'll feel better.
The second homeless man goes up and explains that he had sinned by cheating on his wife. The Abbot again tells him to go and drink from the fountain and he would feel better.
The third homeless man goes up to the abbot and says "Abbot I've sinned" the Abbot replies "Well how have you sinned?". The man answers "I peed in the fountain".

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Celebrate good times

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. he notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So the new monk goes to the head monk and asks him about this. He points out that if there'd been an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk says: 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' So he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
hours later, nobody has seen him. So one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying. he asks what's wrong.
'The world is "celebrate"!' says the old monk.

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A traveling salesman...

A traveling salesman couldn't find a hotel one night.

He saw a light on a deserted road, and decided to knock on the door. It turned out to be a monastery; the monks were preparing dinner.

He was invited to join the others while the food was being prepared. They sat round in a circle; each monk would recite a number and the others would laugh. Intrigued, the salesman spoke up.

What are you guys doing?

One of the elder monks replied, We're telling jokes.

By saying numbers?

Yes. You see, we've heard the jokes so many times, we have them catalogued. We don't need to tell the whole joke; we just refer to its number. Go ahead and try.

The salesman thought for a second, and said, 78.

The monks were in hysterics. Some were doubled over with laughter, others had tears rolling down their eyes, a few were pounding the table with their fists.

When the laughter died down, the traveler asked, Can you tell me what's so funny?

We never heard that one before!

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A monk joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence

To encourage reflection, the monks who vow silence are required to share one thought on the five-year anniversary with the head Monk.

After five years, the monk meets with the head monk and he says, "food is bland, should be spicy to engage our senses!"

Five years later, another thought, "Bed too hard, should be softer to allow easy rest to encourage restful body."

Five years later, he meets with the head Monk. "I can't take it anymore! I'm ending my vow and leaving the Monastery!"

"Good!" The head monk responds, "All you've done for 15 years is complain!"

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Vow of Silence

Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.

The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."

The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."

Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"

The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."

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A young monk arrives at a monastery...

and is assigned to be a scribe. While patiently copying his first text, he notices that all the scribes are copying from copies, not the original texts. He tells this to the head monk, and he replies "My son, we have been doing this for generations. The original texts are kept safe in the basement. If you wish to see them yourself, you have my permission."
So, the eager young monk decides to see the original texts himself. However, after he disappears into the dark basement, he is not seen for hours and hours. Finally, the head monk decides to go down to see what's going on.

By the dim light of a single candle, he sees the young monk stooped over an ancient tome, sobbing uncontrollably. When the head monk asks what's the matter, the young monk turns around and whimpers:

"It said celebrate! *Celebrate*!"

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Monks had it all wrong

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is *celebrate*, not *celibate!*," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

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Monastery Life

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.


'We missed the **R**!

We missed the **R**!

*We missed the* **R***!'*



His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,

'The word was...

CELEB**R**ATE !!!'

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A man went to a fish and chip lunch organised by the local monastery...

He strolls up to one guy serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?"

The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!"

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Same as downtown

Two monks were walking through town when they heard a prostitute tell a guy he could get a blowjob for five dollars. Since they lived a very sheltered life they had no idea what a blowjob was. After talking about it for a while and not wanting to look stupid by asking any of the brothers at the monastery, they decided to ask the mother superior. So they went to her room and knocked on the door. She was busy so she asked them what they wanted. Nervously the monk just blurted out. "We were wondering "What's a blowjob?" To which she quickly answered "Five dollars, same as downtown."

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What do you you say when a monk tries to kick you out of the monastery ?

Namaste

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The box

A man decides to give up his 9 to 5 job and live a spiritual life at a monastery as a monk. Upon joining the monastery, the lead monk gives him a tour of the temple and the grounds. After a while, the man asks a question.

"Father, I know this is the life I want to live, but I am not sure how I will deal with celibacy. How do you and the other monks resist temptation?"

To which the monk replies, "We have a solution for that here" as he leads the man to an isolated room. The only thing in the room is a large box with a hole in it.

"Whenever you have natural urges, just stick your penis in that hole and all your desires will be fulfilled," states the monk.

"Really? You mean it? And I can do that whenever I want?" asks the man, overjoyed.

"Yes. Any day besides Tuesday."

"Well, what happens Tuesday?"

"That's your day in the box."

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A long joke about a monastery and a strange noise.

A travelling salesman is driving along a dusty backroad to his next sale, when his car starts belching smoke. He sees storm clouds coming his way and night is falling soon. Getting out of the car he looks around for shelter and sees an antiquated old monastery on a hill not 5 minutes walk away. He heads over and knocks on the door just as the rain starts falling and a kindly monk answers.
"Hi, my car is broken down on the road" says the salesman, "and I see a storm coming in. Can I stay the night and call a tow truck in the morning? I won't be any trouble..."
"not at all my good man" the kindly monk replied, "Come in! Come in! Lets get you a hot meal and some dry clothes!"

So the salesman is ushered into the church and given a wonderful bowl of hearty stew and bread to eat. Not realizing his hunger before the salesman devours the
food in between words of thanks.
"I don't know how I can repay you people..."
"well actually" said the kindly monk who answered the door, "our abbot bores so easily in the realitive solitude of our church, and he loves to talk with travelers"
"of course!" replied the salesman, "in return for this hospitality its the least i could do"

So the kindly monk leads the salesman deeper into the monastery and as he does he hears the faintest sound...
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...
But the salesman thinks its just the storm outside making noise and pays it no mind. He reaches the abbots quarters and meets a man seemingly as ancient as the building he runs who greets him with a smile and firm handshake.
The two speak to each other at length with hours seeming like minutes as the storm pounds the outside, and all the while the man hears that same noise...
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

Eventually the conversation draws to a natural end and the abbot looks over the salesman's shoulder.
"good heavens, look at the time. we both should get some rest" the abbot commented, "the brother you met before will take you to your chambers for the night"

And so the salesman is taken to his spartan looking accommodations, and just as the kindly monk is leaving the room the salesman asks,
"by the way, i keep hearing this strange thumping sound all the time. Its that normal? What is that?"
The monk looks down at his feet, and for the first time since the salesman came into the monastery the smile falls from his face. He quickly stares at the floor and stammers,
"I-I-I don't know what you're talking about. Sleep well." Slamming the door behind him.

The salesmans sleep is restless as now the same sound as before stays next to him, breathing on his neck....
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...
When dawn breaks the salesman calls a tow truck, and while waiting says his goodbyes and thank yous. Finally when the tow truck arrives he turns to the abbot and says,
"thank you so much for everything again, but I must ask; what is that strange thudding noise I hear? The storm is over yet I heard it clearly all night?"
The monk gains a sudden steel in his eyes and locks them dead onto the salesman.
"I can't tell you, you're not a monk."
And with that, bids him farewell.

The salesman finishes his route without incident, and heads home to his wife and child. But incessantly, as if by hearing it he could no longer un-hear it, at the quietest moments in his life, the salesman hears a soft
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

The seasons pass into years and the years pass into decades. The mans son grows and leaves to be his own man, and after decades of bliss the mans wife passes away peacefully in his arms one morning. As the life leaves his loves eyes the only sound heard is a simple
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

With a life now emptier the thudding becomes constant, unceasing, droning. When he sleeps, eats, shits
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

Finally, standing it no longer the man drives all day and night to the same dirt road he so happened to break down upon and every mile, every town he passes as constant as the odometer
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

Finally he reaches the monastery and knocks on the door and just as before a fresh faced kinly monk answers.
"I WISH TO JOIN YOUR ORDER" the man blurts before the monk can say anything. The monk gains a knowing smile and says no more, beckoning the man to follow him.

He leads the man on the same path he took those years and years before and directs him into the abbots room. Inside is the same man as the night he stayed before, looking not a day older.
"Please abbot." The man begged, "I can't stop hearing that thudding noise, night and day I can't escape it. Can't you let me know what it is?"
The abbot replies with the same steely matter-of-fact tone as he did all those years before,
"I can't tell you, you're not a monk."
"Thats what I feared your answer would be. Please then, let me become a monk so I can learn and get this sound from my head."
The abbot takes a long look, dripping with both hunger and pity and after a handful of breathes agrees."

The training is arduous and lengthy. The salesman is not a young man anymore and the demands, moth mental and physical task him to the core of his very being. He sleeps on stone, reads nothing but the texts of the obscure religious sect he wishes to join and eats nothing but gruel and through every minute, every blister, every headache, every pang of hunger the sound is there.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

Finally after several years worth of trails the man finally is ready to be inducted. The moment after the ceremony inducting him is complete he bolts to the chambers of the abbot.
"There, I did it. I'm a member of the order. NOW TELL ME WHAT THAT NOISE IS."
"Are you sure you wish to know?" the abbot grimaces, "It will change the way you think of not just the order, or me, but everything."
"Yes!" the man cries "I've never been more sure of anything in my life!"
"Very well" replied the abbot. And with that the sound in the mans head lessened, as if the promise curiosity being fed was able to sate the beast, even if for a moment. But still, even though quieter it was still present.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

The abbot pulls a seemingly random book off the shelf behind him, and opens it. He reveals it to be hollow and pulls a monstrous set of keys from it and tucks them into his sleeve. He then pulls another book from the shelf and the shelf splits in half and opens like the doors in a supermarket with the sound of the grinding of ancient stone. Where the shelves used to be there is a door made of iron. The abbot pulls the set of keys out with an iron key extended, opens the door and swings it aside. As the man follows the abbot into the path behind the door he notices the sound getting louder.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

They walk along a dark and musty path, the air like a forgotten wine cellar or crypt with the abbot wordlessly staring forward with grim purpose. He reaches the next door, a door made of polished bronze, reflecting as perfectly as a mirror. He pulls out a bronze key from the keyring in his sleeve and opens the door. Sure enough as the man passes though, a little louder this time
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

After the bronze door came a staircase, down and down and down it went, until it seemed that they were descending into hell itself. Winding stairs, spiral stairs, branching stairs leading to nowhere and yet the two marched on, reaching a silver door. The abbot pulled out a silver key and as before set the door aside, making the sound ever louder.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

And then, it was time to climb. Yet the abbot, a man of innumerable years climbed as surefooted as a goat while the salesman followed behind, exhausted but determined not to give up now. At the apex of the climb, a door of gold was before them. The abbot then pulled a gold key, and in the grim routine as before, the door fell aside and the sound became ever louder. It seemed to be right next to them, a tangible force. A third person on this bizarre trek.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

After the golden door came a maze. Dizzying and seemingly endless, the abbot had no hesitation in his step and never second guessed himself. Hours passed in the maze as hours had passed in all the paths before and yet without ever turning around the abbot and the salesman reached a platinum door. As you can guess, platinum key, door, noise.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...
As the man walked into the next door he hesitated for the first time on his trip. The walls themselves seemed to be alive, screaming things in alien tongues as if the brick and mortar where being tortured. Grotesque faces in the masonry screamed as if every injustice upon earth was being visited upon them and yet somehow they could not drown out that sound, pounding louder than it ever had.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

After the hours that seemed of days in the pathway that screamed ceaselessly they reached a door, red and pulsing, as if made of some sort of flesh. The abbot pulled out a bony, fleshy....something from his keyring and inserted it into the door. All at once the walls stopped screaming, the flesh melted into nothing on the floor and the sound grew terrible and great. Louder and unchanged.
thump thump...thump thump...thump thump...

Behind the former wall of flesh was not another passage but a box. Wooden small and humble. The abbot pulled out one final key of wood and unlocked and opened the box. As he pulled the box open the sound became deafeningly loud and the man finally looked inside and gave a horrified scream.

And I'd love to tell you what was inside, but you're not a monk.

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The whiny monk

A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He can only say two words every five years.

After five years, Father Donald says to him, "Brother John, what do you have to say?"

He replies, "Bed hard."

Five more years go by and Father Donald asks him again.

He replies, "Food bad."

Another five years go by and Father Donald asks him again.

This time he replies, "I quit" at which point, Father Donald says, "Good! You've done nothing but complain since you got here!"

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Celebrate

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate not celibate," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

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How many pretty girls are there at a monastery?

Nun.

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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence

...but he is allowed to speak two words every decade. After ten years go by he goes up to the abbot and says carefully: "bad food."

Ten more years go by and he again goes up to the abbot and thinks carefully and says: "hard bed."

Finally at the end of ten more years he goes up to the abbot and says: "I quit."

The abbot is a really pious guy and hasn't spoken in forty years! He thinks carefully and counts it out on his fingers to make sure, and says to the guy: "Good, all you do is bitch, bitch, bitch!"

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Two leprechaun men are going door to door...

To every monastery in every county. They reach the first monestary and knock on the door.

The first one says to the priest, "Father, do you have any leprechaun nuns here?"

The priest replies "no, sorry, I've never seen a leprechaun nun before"

They hear that same answer everywhere they go. They reach the last monestary in all of Ireland. They knock on the door.

The first one says to the priest Father, do you have any leprechaun nuns here?"

The priest replies "no, My child. There is no such thing as a leprechaun nun"

The second leprechaun turns to the first and says,

"See? I told ya you fucked a penguin"

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So a man goes to a monastery...

To become a friar. The man is welcomed warmly into the brotherhood, and a fellow friar takes him on a tour of the place. He shows him the chapel, sleeping quarters, gardens, prayer rooms, library... It goes on and on, and the mans eyes grow bigger at every turn.
And so the tour is concluded, and the friar asks if the man has any other questions. The man then reluctantly asks "well, how do you guys cope with the urges of the flesh? You know, sex?"
The friar smiles and says " I knew you would ask that! Come, follow me." The man follows the friar to the stables, where they stop at an ordinary barrel. "you see that hole?" asked the friar, pointing at a hole in the barrels side, "stick your junk in there and you'll get the pleasing you desire!". "Oh man, sweet!" answers the man, "How often can I use this?"
"Everyday except Tuesday." "Why not Tuesday?" the man asks.
The friar looks at him and says "Because then it's your turn to get in the barrel!"

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The curious monk

A monk in an ancient monastery is doing his daily work, transcribing and recopying the ancient scrolls and scriptures of his tradition that his predecessors wrote, which they copied from their ancestors texts and so on....

The curious monk begins to wonder if in the endless sequence of copying and recopying over the ages, something got misinterpreted or lost in translation: he goes to investigate the archives.

His friends don't hear from him for a few days. They finally find him in the archives, lying in a pool of scrolls and tears. "What's wrong?", they ask him. He cries: "It said CELEBRATE!!!"

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It says......

Deep in the chambers of the monastery Father Seamus is transcribing scripture. As Father Ignatius walks by he sees Father Seamus sobbing uncontrollably. "Father Seamus! What ever could be troubling you so!!??!!" said Father Ignatius.

Father Seamus, wiping his tears, says: "It says CELEBRATE."

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A man visits a Buddhist Monastery.

(non racist version)

A man is sent to China on business. On a day off he goes sightseeing. He gets hopelessly lost in the confusing Chinese roads and finds himself on the outskirts of town where an ancient Buddhist monastery sits. Curious, he goes in. A kindly monk takes him for a tour. In the courtyard of the monastery there is a pond, around which are several monks who are skipping stones.

However, instead of typical splashes when the stones bounced across the water, they heard a Chinese word emanate from the pond. A monk demonstrates and they hear "Ping-Lee-Yow." as the stone bounces across the water. The monk explains to the man that this sacred pond says the names of your ancestors when a stone is skipped across it.

Amazed, the man asks to try, and is given a stone. He skips the stone and hears "Chim-Pan-Zee" as the stone skips. Furious, he asks if this is some cruel hoax they pull on foreigners. The monk sadly shakes his head no. Furious, the man lifts the largest boulder he could and heaves it into the water. It splashes with an almighty "BABOON!"

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A group of nuns are repainting the interior of their monastery...

A group of nuns are repainting the interior of their convent, when they decided that they should keep their clothes clean by painting in the nude. They proceeded to close all the shades on the windows, because obviously they didn't want anyone seeing them naked.

They get a knock on the door. Before opening, one of the nuns asks, "Who is it?" to which he replies with, "blind guy." Well we can let a blind guy in since he can't see us naked, they figure. They open the door to a perfectly sighted man who remarks, "Nice tits. Your blinds are broken, I'm here to fix them."

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So a novice monk is copying texts...

So a novice monk is copying texts in a monastery. As he diligently works, get get's to thinking, "Hmm, if I just copy my master's work, and he just copied his master's work, and his master just copied them from his master, and so on, then what if there was a mistake? Wouldn't the mistake just be propagated with each new apprentice?" Finally, this thought gets to be too much, so he goes to the Abbot of the monastery. After tell the Abbot what he thinks, the Abbot says, "Wow, that's quite a weight on your mind. Let me go check the archives so I can prove that there is no mistake." The monk doesn't see the abbot again for several hours, but when he does, the Abbot rushes up and shouts, "Ahhh! We've made a horrible mistake!" "What is it?!" replied the monk. "There is a word changed," said the Abbot, "it's supposed to say 'celebrate!'"

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Why didn't the monk sell his temple?

*Because it had no monastery value.*

Thought of this one on my own while playing WoW a couple days ago and I'm pretty sure it hasn't been told before. I like corny jokes. I Googled it and didn't find anything (:

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A man joins a monastery...

A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. Cold floors, he says. They nod and send him away, bringing him warm mats and rugs to pray and lie on. Seven more years pass, They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, Bad food. They nod and send him away, giving him finer bread and fish for every meal. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. I quit, he says. That's not surprising, the elders say. You've done nothing but complain since you got here.

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Monastery of Silence

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said,
"Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you
like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so".

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the
Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5
years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed." "I'm sorry to hear that," the
Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest.
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that
the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister
Mary Katherine into his office. "Again, you may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch
since you got here."

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What are the most funny Monastery jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Monastery? Well, here are the best Monastery dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Monastery pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes