mon Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious mon puns


A white man is in love with his wife Wendy so much that he decided to get her name tattooed on his penis, but when it's not erect, you only see 'Wy'. One day, him and his wife go on vacation to Jamaica. As they're having dinner, the man leaves for the restroom. In the restroom, he sees a Jamaican man using the urinal next to him and he can't help but notice the tattoo on his penis that also says 'Wy', so he asked him, "I have that same tattoo, is your wife's name Wendy also?" the Jamaican man replies, "No, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.'"


Two frenchmen were strolling down a boulevard...

When one of them gasped, "Mon Dieu - here come my wife and my mistress!"

"Sacre Bleu!" Exclaimed his friend. "I was about to say the same thing!"


Three Jamaican guys were invited to a fancy dress party where people had to dress up as an emotion.

The first one turns up in a dress.

Confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to be?"

"I"m in distress, mon," he replied.

The second Jamaican guy turns up stark naked but with a teddy bear on his knob.

Even more confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to be?"

"I"m in despair, mon," he replied.

Shortly after, the third Jamaican guy turns up, stark naked with his cock in a bowl of custard.

Completely confused, the host asks, "what the hell are you supposed to be?"

He replies, "I"m fucking disgusted, mon."


A white tourist stands beside a Jamaican local at a urinal...

Being a curious man, the white tourist decides to lean over to take a peak at the Jamaican's junk to see if the stereotype lives up to its expectations. Looking over, the tourist notices that the local has the letters "W Y" tattooed on his penis. The tourist says to the local "Hey, is your wife named wendy"

"Nah mon," says the local. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, because my wife is named Wendy. I have it tattooed on my dick. And when I'm erect, you can see her fullname. But when I'm not, all you can see are the letters W and Y" says the tourist.

"That's cool mon" the local says as he finishes up.

The tourist, even more curious then previously is baffled by what the W and Y could mean.

"So if it's not Wendy...then why do you have a W and Y tattooed on your dick".

The Jamaican local smiled and looked at the tourist "Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, we hope you enjoy your stay"


Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies

"Ya right, mon, you in denial"


A guy goes on his honeymoon...

...and is so excited that he gets this crazy idea to have his wife's name tattooed onto his dick. Her name is "Wendy" but when he isn't erect, all you can see is "Wy". Later on, he finds himself in a public restroom and couldn't help but notice that the guy next to him also had a "Wy" on his dick. He asks him "hey, do you have a wife named Wendy too?" and the other guy says "no, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day'"


A guy tattoos his wife's name on his dick (possible nsfw)

A guy was getting married and decided to tattoo his wife's name, Wendy, on his penis. When it was erect, her name was on it, but when it wasn't, it only said "wy"

So they get married and go on their honeymoon to Jamaica. On the last day, the newlyweds go to a nude beach. The guy goes to the bar there and sees the bartender - nude as well - with a tattoo on his flaccid dick that also says "WY." He says to the bartender, "is your wife's name also Wendy? I see your dick is tattooed." Bartender says "no mon, my dick says 'Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day,' mon."


So the Jamaican said to the Arab..

"Aye where you from? You from tha beach mon?" The Arab replied "Yemen!'


A Jamaican guy asks another Jamaican guy...

"Hey mon, do you know what the thing that casts the shadow in a sundial is called?"

The other guy thinks for a moment and then responds: "Gnomon".


A guy surprises his fiance by having her name tattooed on his penis.

In flowing script it says, "Wendy."

On their JamaicanΒ honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis. The husband asks, "So your girl's name is Wendy, too?"

The guy looks down at his penis and says, "No, once de wrinkles come out, it says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon! Have a nice day.'"


An Irish, a Scot and an English man are digging.....

in their back gardens. 12 feet down the English man finds copper wire. In the local paper he announces England had internet 200 years ago.
The Scots mon finds wire at 16 feet and announces Scotland had internet 300 years ago.
The Irish man digs 22 feet! but finds nothing and states in the paper. 400 years ago Ireland had wireless.


Man waits impatiently at the Jamaican restaurant...

Man: when will my burger be ready!?

Jamaican man: mon soon!

Man: Soon!? I've already been waiting for 45 minβ€”

[both men were killed by a monsoon]


What do you call a Jamaican spear wielding man?

Pokey Mon


What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

I love the pokey, mon.


What do you call a Jamaican fish?

Sal mon


What do Jamaican Charizards eat in Hawaii?

Poke, mon.


So this guy just got married and his wife and him are on there honeymoon in Jamaica.

He goes out and gets his wifes name Wendy tattooed in his willy so whenever hes hard it says her name and when hes soft only the W and Y show. He's strollin along a nude beach and sees a local there with W and Y on his willy too. So he walks up as the the guy if his wifes name is Wendy as well. The guy chuckles and says Nah mon. It says Welcome to Jamaica mom. Have a nice day


How do Jamaican's end their prayers?

Ey mon.


A guy got his girlfriend Wendy's name tattooed on his penis...

A guy got his girlfriend Wendy's name tattooed on his penis so when they were making love she would see her
name. While visiting Jamaica the guy was in the men's room and noticed a WY tattooed on another guys penis. He asked if he also had a girl friend named Wendy. The other guy asked why he would think that and he pointed to the WY. "Oh, no, mon. My tattoo say Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day."


A poor student writes to his dad for help.

Being the eloquent teen he is, all he can muster is;

"No mon, no fun, your son."

To which the father replies;

"Too bad, so sad, love dad."


A Jamaican man saunters into a bank

.. with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier. Shocked, the cashier asks.. What's this for!? The man, a Rastafarian, replies; "Me 'ere to open a joint account, mon!"


This guy said he'd let me suck his penis if I could do a Jamaican accent.

I said, "Gay mon."


A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a German walk into a forest

Suddenly, they see a bear. The Frenchman says, "Mon Dieu!". The English says "Oh my god!". They look at the silent German. "Why haven't you said anything", they ask. He replies, "God is dead".


A white guy was very much in love with his girlfriend...

So he decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo had to be done while the penis was erect. When it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica. The man was in a bathroom in, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis. The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?" The Jamaican man laughed and said, "No, mon. That says Welcome to Jamaica Mon! Have a Nice Day"


Mon, Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun.

That might sound weird, but it's just a bit of everyday speech.


What do Jamaicans eat when they are on vacation in Hawaii?

They eat poke mon!


Did you hear about the priest that got knighted?

Congratulations to Sir Mon


A Jamaican is sightseeing in Egypt.

A vehicle drives by, beeping its horn. "Coo yah!" he says. "It's tootin' car, mon!"


Heart jokes

What did one human heart say to the other? I got a heart on

What did one Jamaican heart say to the other? That's a nice beat mon

What is the human hearts favorite kind of shirt? A wife beater

What did the coach say at Heart University? Come on guys let's get pumped

What did the police officer say to the human heart? You're under cardiac arrest

What did the heart say after he was assaulted? Man I sure took a beating


How did the Jamaican meteorologist report the risk of flash flooding?

"Mon, soon."


What is Jamaican Pikachu's favorite dance?

The Polka Mon


What do you get when you cross a ginger and a Jamaican?

A gingerbread mon.


What do you call a Jamaican hominid?

A cave mon!


Napoleon is looking at a soldier and tells him: Bring me my horse!

And the soldier replies: Mon Dieu! Vous parlez en anglais!


Why do Jamaican pilots make really good spies?

"Cos they're always in de' skies mon".


What are the most funny Mon jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mon? Well, here are the best Mon dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mon pick up lines to share with friends.

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