Moms Jokes

What are some Moms jokes?

What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common?

Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

What is between moms legs?

One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?

The father reply, The door to heaven!



Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!

Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.

Now with all the kids outside, playing PokΓ©mon.....

Dads and moms can stay inside playing PokΓ©mom.

A little boy asks his dad

Boy: whats between moms legs?

father: paradise

Boy: whats between your legs?

Father: the key to the paradise

Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.

Dad: ( Ν Β° ΝŸΚ– Ν‘Β°)

Of moms and ladels

A mother visits her son for Thanksgiving and is suprised to find out he has a female roommate named Jennifer. Despite her suspicions, the two assure the mother that they are just friends. After the mom leaves, the ladle disappears. The young man emails his mother the following:

Dear Mom,

We're not saying you "did" take the ladle, we're not saying you "did not" take the ladle. All we're saying is that it's been missing since you left.

The mom replies:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. All I'm saying is if Jennifer were sleeping in her own bed, she would've found the ladle.

It should always be pronounced "Gif"

Unless you're a choosy mom. Choosy moms choose "Jif".

What do you call a group of hot moms in space?

THE MILFY WAY!

GOD SENT YOU

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin.

"How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why, God sent you, honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues.

"Yes, sweetheart, he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief.

"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

What do vegans and single moms have in common?

They always have to mention it.

A man marries a women who is a very good cook..

Every time she makes something he says,
"This doesnt taste like how my mom used to make it."

Final after a year of this at every meal she angrily asks, " How did your moms taste??!!"

"Awful" He replies.

What do you call a group of Spanish-speaking moms who band together to protect their neighborhood?

Super Barrio Mothers

If I had a vaccine for every bullshit news article that's been spread about by stay at home moms on Facebook

I would have autism.

I went to wake up my parents and accidentally stepped on my moms bra.

It was a boobie trap

A woman brings her baby to the pediatrician who says "wow...your baby is beautiful". She tells him thanks and that he must say that to all moms who bring in their babies. He says to her "oh no I don't"..........

......she asks, what do you do if the baby is ugly? He says "I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and I say your baby looks just like you."

A teen got pregnant and said "Oh my god my moms going to kill me!"

and then her fetus said "Oh my god my moms going to kill me!"

What does Titanic disaster and your moms dietary plan have in common?

Lots of drowned seamen.

3 jewish moms

3 moms are talking about their sons:
The first one says "my son is so rich that he can buy Paris!", the second one answers "are you kidding me? Mine is so rich that he can buy Paris AND New York!", the third one looks at them and seems surprised, then she says: "and what makes you think my son wants to sell???"

A man is teaching his son to drive. NSFW

They both get in the car and the son starts to back it out of the garage. Before the dad has time to stop him, his son backs directly into his moms parked car.

Mom, inside, hears the crash and comes running out. "What happened?!"

The dad points at his son and says "it was all his fault"

The mom reply's with, "Well... how could you have printed the accident?"

Dad looks directly at his so and says. "I really should have just pulled out."

Two moms were talking about their kids in college.

Mom 1: I'm worried about my son. He asks me for money everyday. Who knows what he is spending?
Mom 2: Thats nothing. I'm more worried about my daughter, who never asked me for any money at all.

What's in between moms legs dad, said Johnny.

Ahh..... its heaven son, said the father.

And in between yours father?

The key to heaven son.

Well... said Johnny. You should replace your key cause the neighbor has one.

Toy Story 4 Will Be About Sids Moms Toys

Giving a whole new meaning to Buzz and Woody

Three moms are talking and having lunch together...

One mom had black hair, the next was brunette, and the third was blonde.
The black haired mom says "You guys won't believe what I found in my daughters room yesterday. A cigarette! I've never even smoked."
The brunette mom says "You won't believe what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. Whiskey! I've never even drank."
The blonde mom says "Well guess what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. A condom! I've never even had sex before."

Moms be like...

A man received two sweaters for Christmas from his mother.

The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters.

As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile...

she said,

"What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"

Happy Mother's Day to all the great moms out there. And Shaft.

Although I hear he is a bad mother...

Did you hear about the new group my mom's in?

D.A.M. (Moms against dyslexia)

How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?

When she starts fitting in your moms... nevermind I take that back. No one's ever gonna be as fat as yo mama.

For the first time in my life a girl told me she loved me

Arent moms great?

I lost my moms audiobook

I lost my moms expensive audio book,

I'll never hear the end Of it

I couldn't be happier! For the first time in my life a girl told me she loves me.

Aren't moms great?

What's the thing that moms love but kids hate?

Spankings

Class Teacher

At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook!

You don't see very many transgender moms

I guess they are all trans parent

How do you support single moms?

Visit your local strip club

Moms are like feet [NSFW]

The more you talk about them in public, the more everyone assumes you want to have sex with them.

My moms favourite joke

A man comes to a gas station to refuel his car (duh).
He pays and comes back outside only to find his car filled with penguins.
Baffled, he asks the cahshier what to do now and the man tells him to take them to the Zoo. The man agrees and drives away.

The next day the man comes back and his car is still full off penguins, only this time they all have towels and sunglasses. The cashier looks confused and the man says "The Zoo was a great tip, today we are going to the beach!"

I was driving my moms car.

I was driving my moms car and she was yelling at me. Then i crashed her car into the garage she told me "You have to pay for the damage you've done." So now when i get the bill from the therapist i send it to her.

What's your moms favorite monkey?

Macaque.

Why are moms and dads of transgender kids bad jokers and horrible magicians?

They're transparent.

Your moms so fat...

she could be on OKCupid.

AMA request! Someone who actually pays for Netflix.

Instead of using their brothers ex girlfriends sisters moms password.

Hey moms! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school

What is yellow and makes moms happy in the morning?

The school bus.

What do ghetto rats and suburban soccer moms have in common?

They both enjoy the BBC.

What do Midnight Wisps fans and moms have in common?

Neither of them like Momo

Dad, my girlfriend has two moms...

"What's the problem? Even though her moms are lesbian she isn't."

"Right, but now I got two mothers-in-law."

Back in Oedipus' day things were much simpler.

Today's kids are more confused than ever. They just want to kill their moms and have sex with their dads.

I am a loyal man.

When I go out shopping with my mom, I don't look at other moms.

What's the difference between your moms high-school and the titanic?

Your mom didn't go down on the titanic.

As soon as I find a girl that is wealthier, prettier, smarter, funnier, better connected, into physical deformities, and more than willing to take care of a grown adult.

I'll move out of my moms

Moms and wifes act the same way

You bring a friend home to play with,without telling them and they always wanna get angry

To single moms...

To single moms, I feel like the saying "easy come easy go" has an entirely different meaning.

Why do 9 out of 10 bear moms prefer minivans over sedans?

All the extra cubholders.

Kids have the lowest standards

Everything is about banging their friends moms even though their mamas are so fat that when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes

My mom sent her friend a gif via text message.

Said to my mother:"even moms are sending memes now days."
Mother said "its the memeing of life.

Good moms let you lick the beaters

Great ones turn the mixer off first

Today would have been my moms 50th birthday...

but she was born in January.

How many moms does it take to change a light bulb ...

None, they get you to do it.. Sucker!

Studies show gif pronunciation highly correlated with being a caring mother . . .

Choosy moms choose "jiff".

How do you call bunch of single moms stuck in one place?

A beaver dam.

How to make Moms jokes?

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