Moms Jokes
105 moms jokes and hilarious moms puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about moms that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Moms Short Jokes
Short moms jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The moms humour may include short mamas jokes also.
- Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
- Having homosexual parents must be terrible Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
- The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day! - Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
- Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's Mom: use protection
daughter: mom I'm 15
Mom: and I'm 30 - I feel sad for people with gay parents They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
- My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
- The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife Thanks, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day!
- "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
- My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him... ...until my mom took the urn back.
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Moms One Liners
Which moms one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with moms? I can suggest the ones about home mommas and mommy.
- Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...
- I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
- Your mom is so ugly... That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask
- Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
- Mom, why am I getting christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
- My mom used to tuck me in at night... I think she really wanted a girl.
- You're mom's so slow... ...that it took her 9 months to make a joke.
- MOM! I'm being called gay in school. Who is calling you that son?
A bunch of cute boys. - Mom, am I ugly? "I told you not to call me mom in front of people"
- A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing... "My mom is gonna kill me."
- What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
- They used to be called "Jumpolines" ...until your mom jumped on one back in 1972.
- Your mom is so slow It took her nine months to make a joke
- As a young boy my mom would always tuck me in at night She always wanted a girl.
- Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain
Your Moms Like Jokes
Here is a list of funny your moms like jokes and even better your moms like puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When my mom told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
- What do you call a cloud shaped like a dinosaur? A Brontocirrus.
(I'm actually a mom and just made up my first ever joke today and this was it. What have I become? 😂) - My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer" I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"
- Mom, someone called me gangster at school today. Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
Son: Make sure it looks like an accident. - A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
- I like to tell girls I have my own private jet But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi
- My mom didn't like my report card. I told her okay. She said she wanted more A's.
So I told her "okaaaaay". - My mom dresses like my dad and my dad dresses like my mom They're transparent
- Guys, just remember that every yo mama joke that exists has been done hundreds of times by hundreds of different people. Like your mom.
- My mom says I look just like my father. It's weird that she thinks that, because everyone else says I look like Steve the mailman.
Three Moms Jokes
Here is a list of funny three moms jokes and even better three moms puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom. - what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef. how about a cow with three legs? lean beef. but what do you call a cow with 2 legs? your mom.
- My mom told me this joke the first time she met my gf. What are three 2 letter words meaning small?
Is it in? - The worst birthday present I ever got... ...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded "because your mom said you grew a foot."
- How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid? Mini-mom wage.
- Your mom is like a bowling ball. She's round, heavy, gets picked up, fingered in three holes, tossed in the gutter and she still comes back for more.
- What do your mom and a hockey team have in common? They both go three periods without a shower.
- Three moms were driving and nearly ran over a Lizard. It was car ma car ma car ma chameleon.
- Three women walk into a space bar That one is my mom say hi to my mom hi mom
- Cows What do you call a cow on no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow on three legs?
Tri-Tip.
What do you call a cow on two legs?
Your mom.
Dog Moms Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog moms day jokes and even better dog moms day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My patient walks 5 miles every day His dog's name is, 5 Miles!
My mom told me this joke:) - For Mother's Day, all my mom wanted was 2 things: a clean house and exotic food. So, we cooked and ate the dog.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Moms Jokes
What funny jokes about moms you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mums jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make moms pranks.
How do you support single moms?
Visit your local s**... club
3 jewish moms
3 moms are talking about their sons:
The first one says "my son is so rich that he can buy Paris!", the second one answers "are you kidding me? Mine is so rich that he can buy Paris AND New York!", the third one looks at them and seems surprised, then she says: "and what makes you think my son wants to sell???"
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
A teen got pregnant and said "Oh my god my moms going to kill me!"
and then her fetus said "Oh my god my moms going to kill me!"
How many moms does it take to change a light bulb ...
None, they get you to do it.. s**...!
Hey moms! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school
To single moms...
To single moms, I feel like the saying "easy come easy go" has an entirely different meaning.
I was driving my moms car.
I was driving my moms car and she was yelling at me. Then i crashed her car into the garage she told me "You have to pay for the damage you've done." So now when i get the bill from the therapist i send it to her.
What do you call the corner of 69th and main?
Your moms place of employment
Moms be like...
A man received two sweaters for Christmas from his mother.
The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters.
As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile...
she said,
"What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
What do choosy moms choose?
abortion.
Why do 9 out of 10 bear moms prefer minivans over sedans?
All the extra cubholders.
Dad, my girlfriend has two moms...
"What's the problem? Even though her moms are lesbian she isn't."
"Right, but now I got two mothers-in-law."
What do you call a group of Spanish-speaking moms who band together to protect their neighborhood?
Super Barrio Mothers
What do you call a group of hot moms in space?
THE MILFY WAY!
Now with all the kids outside, playing Pokémon.....
Dads and moms can stay inside playing Pokémom.
Did you hear about the new group my mom's in?
D.A.M. (Moms against dyslexia)
A little boy asks his dad
Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)
AMA request! Someone who actually pays for Netflix.
Instead of using their brothers ex girlfriends sisters moms password.
What is between moms legs?
One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?
The father reply, The door to heaven!
Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!
Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.
Two moms were talking about their kids in college.
Mom 1: I'm worried about my son. He asks me for money everyday. Who knows what he is spending?
Mom 2: Thats nothing. I'm more worried about my daughter, who never asked me for any money at all.
I am a loyal man.
When I go out shopping with my mom, I don't look at other moms.
I couldn't be happier! For the first time in my life a girl told me she loves me.
Aren't moms great?
What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common?
Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em
Class Teacher
At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook!
What's in between moms legs dad, said Johnny.
Ahh..... its heaven son, said the father.
And in between yours father?
The key to heaven son.
Well... said Johnny. You should replace your key cause the neighbor has one.
Your moms so fat...
she could be on OKCupid.
Happy Mother's Day to all the great moms out there. And Shaft.
Although I hear he is a bad mother...
Toy Story 4 Will Be About Sids Moms Toys
Giving a whole new meaning to Buzz and w**...
As soon as I find a girl that is wealthier, prettier, smarter, funnier, better connected, into physical deformities, and more than willing to take care of a grown adult.
I'll move out of my moms
Good moms let you lick the beaters
Great ones turn the mixer off first
Three moms are talking and having lunch together...
One mom had black hair, the next was brunette, and the third was blonde.
The black haired mom says "You guys won't believe what I found in my daughters room yesterday. A cigarette! I've never even smoked."
The brunette mom says "You won't believe what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. Whiskey! I've never even drank."
The blonde mom says "Well guess what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. A c**...! I've never even had s**... before."
My mom sent her friend a gif via text message.
Said to my mother:"even moms are sending memes now days."
Mother said "its the memeing of life.
What's your moms favorite monkey?
Macaque.
Moms and wifes act the same way
You bring a friend home to play with,without telling them and they always wanna get angry
What is yellow and makes moms happy in the morning?
The school bus.
If I had a vaccine for every b**... news article that's been spread about by stay at home moms on Facebook
I would have autism.
What's the thing that moms love but kids hate?
Spankings
It should always be pronounced "Gif"
Unless you're a choosy mom. Choosy moms choose "Jif".
What do ghetto rats and suburban soccer moms have in common?
They both enjoy the BBC.
What do vegans and single moms have in common?
They always have to mention it.
For the first time in my life a girl told me she loved me
Arent moms great?
You don't see very many transgender moms
I guess they are all trans parent
A man marries a women who is a very good cook..
Every time she makes something he says,
"This doesnt taste like how my mom used to make it."
Final after a year of this at every meal she angrily asks, " How did your moms taste??!!"
"Awful" He replies.
What's the difference between your moms high-school and the titanic?
Your mom didn't go down on the titanic.
How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?
When she starts fitting in your moms... nevermind I take that back. No one's ever gonna be as fat as yo mama.
Kids have the lowest standards
Everything is about b**... their friends moms even though their mamas are so fat that when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes
Why are moms and dads of transgender kids bad jokers and horrible magicians?
They're transparent.
What does Titanic disaster and your moms dietary plan have in common?
Lots of drowned s**....
Look guys... We're too old for yo mama jokes. Let's just keep the moms out of this...
And I'll keep *this* out of yo mama...
Thats what I love about these high school girls
I get older, but their moms stay the same
I lost my moms audiobook
I lost my moms expensive audio book,
I'll never hear the end Of it
A woman brings her baby to the pediatrician who says "wow...your baby is beautiful". She tells him thanks and that he must say that to all moms who bring in their babies. He says to her "oh no I don't"..........
......she asks, what do you do if the baby is ugly? He says "I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and I say your baby looks just like you."
Back in Oedipus' day things were much simpler.
Today's kids are more confused than ever. They just want to kill their moms and have s**... with their dads.
What do Midnight Wisps fans and moms have in common?
Neither of them like Momo
I went to wake up my parents and accidentally stepped on my moms bra.
It was a b**... trap
Why dont you ever see any transgender moms?
Because they are transparent!
(Thought of this one myself, pretty proud)
When I was a child, I didn't like eating sprouts.
I told my mom I wasn't hungry.
She said:
the children in Africa would be happy with sprouts!
I replied:
and the moms in Africa would be happy with a child that's not hungry!
An 8 year old (Billy) and a 9 year old (Tommy) are sitting in a waiting room with their moms at a hospital
Billy asks Tommy why he's there.
Tommy says, To get my tonsils removed.
Billy says, Oh don't worry, it's not so bad. You get to stay home from school and eat all the ice cream you want.
Tommy then asks Billy, Why are you here?
Billy says, For a circumcision.
Tommy says, Oh boy, that's s**..., I had one when I was first born and I couldn't walk for about a year!
What's the worst part about having two dads?
Twice the dad jokes.
**Bonus**
What's the worst part about having two moms?
Getting stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
Do not install adblock on your computer or phone
Now all the hot single moms don't want me anymore
What's the worst part about Ad Blockers?
Suddenly, there's no more hot moms in my area who want to meet up anymore
No Words...
6-Year-Old Child Looking At Moms ID Card.
s**...: F
He Laughs.
Mom: What's So Funny?
Kid: I Can't Beleive You Were So Bad In s**... That You Failed It.
Husband Dies Laughing.
Came home from work to find my wife left a note on the refrigerator.
It said this is not working. I'm at my moms!
Opened it up and everything seem to be working fine to me.
Moms Recipe for Iced Coffee
Have Kids.
Make Coffee.
Forget you made coffee.
Put it in the microwave.
Forget you put it in the microwave.
_*DRINK IT COLD*_
Chuck Norris had a nightmare
The nightmare ran into its moms room crying
Mom got me the other day.
My mom has never been into jokes, normally she doesn't understand them. Pop loved them, especially dad jokes. He's gone now and moms been sick for 7 months. Oh, and I'm old and single and tell her dad jokes all the time.
Mom, "a woman was here the other day and asked if you were my son, and I said yes".
Me, "really?".
Mom, "then she said you were really good looking".
Me, "Okay mom".
Mom, after long pause, "she was blind"
