Mommy D Jokes

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

"Daddy, what are you doing?"

A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, Daddy, what are they doing? The father says, Making a puppy. So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, Daddy, what are you doing?
The father replies, Making a baby. The little boy says, Can you turn mommy over? I'd rather have a puppy.

His first words were "I'll be dead in 4 days, mommy will be dead in 7 days and daddy will be dead in 13 days"

Well, the kid was right.
Four days passed and he died, seven days and hia mother died...
His father, knowing he'd be dead soon, spent all his money and sold everything he had.
Thirteen days passed and his neighbor died.

A man kills a deer...

A man kills a deer and brings it home for dinner but tells the wife not to tell the children what type of meat they will be eating. Later as they're enjoying their meal the father asks his children if they know what type of meat they'd been enjoying. With puzzled looks on their faces he adds, 'It's what mommy calls daddy'.
The oldest grabs the forks of his younger siblings and exclaims, 'Don't eat that, its an a**...!!'

The 35 floors

A mother and her child drive home after a long day. They park, enter their building and notice the elevator is broken. The mother, exhausted, sighs and starts climbing the stairs to the 35th floor, where they lived.
-"Mommy..."
-"Not now, honey, I'm too tired to talk..."
-"But mommy!"
-"I said not now!"
When they get to the 35th floor, the mother asks: "what'd you want, sweety?"
-"To tell you you forgot the keys in the car"

“Oh, I sure am glad to see you,” the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother’s side). “Now Daddy will do the trick he’s been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that?” she asked.
“He told Mommy that he’d climb the walls if you came to visit,” answered the boy.

My daughter was diagnosed with a pneumonia

I'm not sure where else to post this. This sub feels most fitting, but it's been a long night. Please advise where it may be better suited if you'd like.
So our night s**... but had a silver lining in my two year old daughter's comedic timing. We had to rush her to the ER at 3:00am (vomiting and a 104.3 F temp). Turns out she has a pneumonia but we caught it early so we can treat it at home. So we are driving home and she's talking a little and she said temperature hurt because they had to do it rectally. I say yeah mommy doesn't like it when things go up there unexpectedly either. My daughter says Daddy likes. We pulled the car over and had a real good laugh.

A man and his son stumble upon two dogs h**......

When the little boy asks his dad what the dogs are doing, he explains that they're making puppies.
Later that night, the man and his wife are going at it hot and heavy in the bedroom. The little boy stumbles in unannounced. In a panic, the parents hurriedly gather themselves.
The boy asks, "daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
"Well..." his father says, "we were making babies, son."
"Quick, dad," the boy shouts. "Roll her over! I'd rather have puppies."