momentum Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious momentum puns

I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum.

It still has potential.

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Why don't quantum physicists have sex?

When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Momentum.

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a penguin is driving through Texas when ...

... his car engine suddenly sputters and dies. close to a service station, he uses his momentum to roll up in front of the garage. he hops out and asks the mechanic to have a look. the mechanic obliges and says "give me 15 minutes". it being a hot day in Lubbock (naturally), the penguin gravitates to the baskin robbins across the street to get a vanilla ice cream. not having lips, the little guy enjoys his ice cream greatly but makes a bit of a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. after finishing, he walks back across the street to the service station. the mechanic says to him "looks like you blew a seal." the penguin replies, "oh no, that's just ice cream!"

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What's does a photon and Donald Trump have in common?

Both full of energy and momentum, both lacking substance.

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Why are quantum physicists so bad at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex ?

Because when they find the position, they can't find momentum;

And when they find momentum, they can't find the position.

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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Conservation of momentum.

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I have a new theory on inertia

But it is not gaining any momentum.

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Physicists are very bad at sex.

Because when get the momentum they can't find the position and when they find the position they lose the momentum.

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Why was Heisenberg's wife so sexually unsatisfied?

When her husband had the position, he couldn't find the momentum.

When he had the energy, he couldn't find the time.

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I hear Heisenberg and his wife are having problems

When he has the time, he doesn't have the energy, and when he has the position, he can't get the momentum.

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Why are theoretical physicists bad at sex?

Because when they find the right position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Heisenberg's wife was unhappy...

because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.

Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad.

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Ten Science Jokes for Nerds

* I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.

* Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers.

* Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

* Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

* A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:

What do we want? .

Time travel

When do we want it? .

Irrelevant.

* What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

* A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies For you, no charge .

* Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:

Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm positive.

* An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

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Beads of sweat were running down her cleavage. Her breathing was hot and heavy.

She moaned as she gained momentum by rocking her hips harder and harder, preparing for the final climactic effort she knew was coming soon. Then, in one final full-body thrust, it was all over, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief and satisfaction. It's always a struggle when the wife gets up off the sofa.

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Why did Heisenberg have a miserable sex life?

Because when he found the correct position, he didn't have the momentum, and when he finally found the time, he didn't have the energy.

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Why was Heisenburg such a bad lover?

When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

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Why are quantum physicists bad lovers?

When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. When they find the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Why was the physicist being so careful not to insult his colleague's choice of generalized coordinates and momentum?

He was just minding his Ps and Qs.

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Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

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[Science!] How a quantum physicist went to jail.

A cop pulled me over once. Son, he said, you know it's illegal to go 90 in a 35-mph zone. No question mark at all.

Being guilty as hell, I naturally smart-assed the reply, How can you tell? You see, quantum mechanics tells us that you cannot determine both an object's position and momentum at the same time. As since all the universe is in motion in the grand ballet of planetary motionsβ€”of which Earth is but one humble rockβ€”position is a very tenuous thing.

Also, logic following, if you could know my position, I wouldn't therefore, have tangible, measurable momentum.

Alas, officer," I continued, "my position *might have been* the 35-mph zone, but if you could know that with certainty, you couldn't know my momentum, my speed. I smiled then. Therefore, you must let me go.

Some time later, I was making my one phone call: Hello, Mom. I'm in jail.

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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

A: Conservation of momentum.

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*Also, give me your best dark jokes, I've been out of it a few years and I need to get some new material.*

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Copied from elsewhere but damn funny Q :Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Teacher: "Maui, what is mass times velocity?"

Maui: "What can I say, except, Momentum?"

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Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?

Because they won't commute.

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In physics, why do you always learn about forces before learning about momentum?

You don't want to put Descartes before the horse.

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New York voters spoke.

And what they said was: "Momentum, shmomentum"!

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Why Heisenberg didn't have any kids

the second he found the position he lost the momentum, when he got momentum he couldn't find the position.

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Our country had a president called Mollman

He improved the country's standard of living and opened up trade, but after we his term was over,

Our country had no more momentum.

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Why are physicists bad in bed?

When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. And when they find the momentum, they can't find the position.

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Aristotle has long been regarded for his philosophical mind.

But it's too bad his theory of inertia never really gained momentum.

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Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Momentum.

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What are the most funny Momentum jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Momentum? Well, here are the best Momentum dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Momentum pick up lines to share with friends.

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