Moment Jokes

179 moment jokes and hilarious moment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about moment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover humorous jokes about senior moments, awkward moments, safety moments, blonde moments, and high moments with this collection of moment jokes. Laugh out loud and find the comic relief to brighten up your day and make the most of every momentary opportunity to bring some brightness into your life, even if it's just for a few moments. Something is sure to hit the spot, whether it be a bruh moment, or something a bit more softly spoken.

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Funniest Moment Short Jokes

Short moment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The moment humour may include short daytime jokes also.

  1. Ever wonder how a Jehovah's Witness spreads their word during Covid? Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
  2. America is going through such bad luck at the moment It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
  3. I told god a holocaust joke. He didn't laugh. after a moment of awkward silence, I said: "Well I guess you should have been there".
  4. I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
  5. A thief pointed a knife at me and said "your money or your life" I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.
  6. I've just found out my wife is really a ghost. To be honest, I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door.
  7. The doctor gave me 5 month to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
    And the judge gave me 25 years.
    Problem solved.
  8. "It's a boy!" I shouted tear rolling down my face "I don't believe it. A boy!" Its at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.
  9. In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains: "Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."
  10. A little boy asks grandpa to make a noise like a frog. Grandpa asks why? Because mummy said the moment you croak is when we're all going to Disneyland!

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Moment One Liners

Which moment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with moment? I can suggest the ones about temporary and timing.

  1. Justin Timberlake admitted to being dyslexic. Take a moment to let that N'Sync
  2. That awkward movement when you... read movement as moment.
  3. 'It's a boy!', I shouted..... .. and at that moment, I regretted visiting a Thai brothel.
  4. Reading a great book at the moment called 'The History of Glue' I just cant put it down.
  5. I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs. Thanks for looking out for me.
  6. I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes.. It's only a draft at the moment.
  7. I hate scuba diving It was the lowest moment of my life.
  8. The moment I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof I was shocked
  9. I unplugged my grandma's life support The moment was really breathtaking.
  10. It's a sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more often than you do.
  11. Does anyone want to buy a vacuum cleaner? Mine is just collecting dust at the moment.
  12. From the moment I saw my wife's abacus tattoo, I knew I could always count on her.
  13. The shovel. The discovery of the shovel was a truly groundbreaking moment for humankind.
  14. How are condoms like cameras? They capture your special moments.
  15. My girlfriend is like the Samsung Note7 She blows up at any given moment.

That Moment Jokes

Here is a list of funny that moment jokes and even better that moment puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.
  • I'm concerned with the world news at the moment. Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, and I was thinking.
    "If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere".
  • Just realized that the song "Take On Me" was released almost 38 years ago... Bit of an A-ha moment for me.
  • A dad joke "Dad I'm hungry."
    "Hi hungry, I'm dead."
    "Haha, you mean dad."
    "No. I have inoperable brain cancer."
    "I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you."
  • My mate just rang me and said "what are you doing at the moment?" I said, "probably failing my driving test."
  • I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and my soon to be ex-wife said she is going to make sure my bank balance is going to be $0. That's nice of her, paying off all my debt.
  • So President Trump got into his Bunker because of the Riots. As a german Guy I can say from experience that from this moment its not getting any better.
  • If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection? I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
  • Today my wife gave birth to a baby boy. I have waited for this moment for so long.. Now I can finally post my jokes here. Thank you God.
  • I wrote Will you marry me? on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend. Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

Blonde Moment Jokes

Here is a list of funny blonde moment jokes and even better blonde moment puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm not dumb, I just have a lot of blonde moments.
  • Not sure about this blonde moment... Overheard at a coffee shop...
    "... and the 3rd mistake was that he did it in the 1st place..."
  • A blonde woman calls the airport - Good morning! How much time will it take for me to get from Los Angeles to New York?
    - Just a moment.
    - And back?
  • A blonde Goes on a date with a man She asks the man if he has any kids
    He tells her "I have one just under seven"
    She thinks for a moment and then says "that's a lot of kids!"
  • A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!"
    The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"
  • n**...... ...was Germany having a blonde moment.
    -&y (yus written by me)
Moment joke, n**......

That Awkward Moment When Jokes

Here is a list of funny that awkward moment when jokes and even better that awkward moment when puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • That awkward moment when the woman you're dancing with bends over so you can grind it... But it turns out she just dropped an earing, and no one else in McDonald's can hear the music on your iPod.
  • That awkward moment when your girlfriend and side chick are both pregnant... ...and you realize you have to tell your wife.
  • That awkward moment... ...when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, then you realise she just lost an earring...and that no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod.
  • I had an awkward moment with my english teacher. Apparently pathetic fallacy has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction.
  • That awkward moment when... ... you realise the entire run of "How I Met Your Mother" was one big Ted talk!
  • That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is."
  • Big Math Problem That awkward moment when your entire Math class is discussing whether the result is 15 or 16 and your answer is -1053.
  • That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".
  • The awkward moment. The awkward moment when you go to church and accidentally sit beside your ex, and pastor says ' turn to you neighbour and say..... 'Its not yet over'...
  • Act normal, you didn't steal anything That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".

That Awkward Moment Jokes

Here is a list of funny that awkward moment jokes and even better that awkward moment puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Life is the... ... awkward moment between birth and death
  • When Relatives Attack There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize you're getting a double-cheek kiss.
  • That awkward moment when you're in a meeting and your stomach decides to sound like a dying whale.
  • That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
  • Make-up... The awkward moment when you can wipe out 95% of her beauty with a wet napkin
  • Awkward That awkward when you read "moment" even though it wasn't there.
  • The Awkward Moment When Your Dog has Girlfriend and you still Single
  • wtc that awkward moment when your crush asks who your crush is
  • The awkward moment when... The awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay guy to go straight...
  • Toys these days That awkward moment when your toys make three movies behind your back.
Moment joke, Toys these days

Cheerful Moment Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about moment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean instant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make moment pranks.

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."


A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."

Saw a black guy walking the streets carrying a tv and I thought "is that one mine"?...

... then I remembered it couldn't be mine because mine was mowing the lawn at the moment.

A nurse in a mental hospital receives a call

A man says: "Miss, could you check if the patient in room 14 is still there?"
Nurse: "A moment please"
After a while,
Nurse: "No!! He's gone!!"
The man: "Good, looks like I really escaped this time...."

Georgia joke

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

A wife gets n**...

…and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my s**... body?' 
Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'

Two priests in a car...

... as a cop pulls them over.
"Sir, we are looking for two child molesters..."
The priests look at each other and after a short moment the driver says:
"Okay, we'll do it"

An young Irish boy

A young Irish boy is stood crying at the side of the road. A man asks him What's wrong wid ya laddie? The boy says Me ma is dead . Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you ? The boy replies No tanks mister, s**... is the last ting on my mind at the moment.

What are your best "If I had ____ for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:
1. "If I had a dollar for every existentialist moment I've ever had...Does money even matter?" - Can't remember the comedian.
2. "If I had a quarter every time a hobo asked me for spare change, I'd still say no" - Bo Burnham

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

2 Transformers got married

Soon thereafter, they had a baby Transformer. But at that moment when they had a baby, they suddenly could not be seen anymore.
They had become Transparents.

A boy asked his father...

"Dad, what's the difference between confidence, and confidential?"
The father thinks for a moment and says, "You are my son, and that I am confident of. Your friend billy is also my son but that's confidential."

Married mathematicians deciding what to get from the store.

A husband and wife are mathematicians. Husband asks the wife if she needs anything from the store. She looks in the fridge and says she needs eggs.
"How many?" he asks standing right next to her.
She yells, "4!".
He wonders for a moment why she yelled, figures it out and comes back with two dozen.

A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...

...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.
"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.
"What!? You've got to be..."
She pauses for a moment.
After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"
The woman says "It was totally birth it."

Must be one-of-a-kind...

Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly s**....
"What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water?"
"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.
At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"
She hangs up and turns towards her lover :
- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.
The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
"What? Why?" asks the guy.
"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."

A man walks into a bar

and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.
The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an e**... at this moment".
The man says "But I don't have an e**..." "No but I do" the doctor replied.

A blind man walks into a bar

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Here's one from Russia

A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink v**... again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"

A man takes his dog to the vet...

The vet picks up the dog and looks at him. After a moment he turns to the man. "Sir," he says, "your dog is healthy but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."
"Why?" the man demanded.
The vet replied, "Because he's heavy."

There are a mother and child at a wedding.

The child turns to her mother and asks "Mommy, why is the Bride wearing white?" The mother quietly responds "Because, white is seen as the color of happiness, and this is the happiest day of her life!" The child ponders this for a moment, and then turns to her mother again. "Then why is the Groom wearing black?"

Two blondes are on either sides of a river.

The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".
The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"

An old Jewish man dies.

His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".

Great Mystery

Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"
Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one" (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"
Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim".

My Asian friend came out ..

My Asian friend came out to his dad today and said "Dad I'm gay" . His dad after being angry for a moment said, "why not Gay+"

Two Police officers.

Two police officers c**... their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

A teenage boy goes up to his father

"Father I am not a v**... anymore"
Father: "Wow that's great! Lets sit down and drink something celebrate about this moment"
Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I can't sit"

A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And p**...! She was a smartphone!

A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals

She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"

A man brings home flowers to his wife

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"
His wife replies "For the flowers of course"
He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"

What does a camera have in common with a c**...?

They both capture that special moment.

A Horse Walks into a Bar...

He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."

Working holiday

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."

The Imperial Wizard of the k**... was just found dead near a river in Missouri...

Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping w**... in our water.

As I looked at my n**... body in the mirror...

I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."

A man walks into a psychologist's office

The psychologist says, "Tell me about yourself?"
The man replies, "It is my deeply held belief that I am in fact a moth."
The psychologist is a little surprised, but being a professional, he thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I am sure I can help you overcome that."
Indignant, the man shoots back, "No way! I love being a moth, thank-you very much!"
"So why on Earth did you come in here?"
"Oh, well I was just passing by and I saw your light on..."

I asked my mate if he could get me a job at the t**... factory where he works.

There's no openings at the moment, he said, but I'll see if I can pull some strings.

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven

At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".
Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".
So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.

A man walks into a library

and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

I was amazed

As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.

There's an old man on his deathbed...

... sensing his time is near he beckens for his wife to join his side. She sits down next to him and clutches his hand and leans in to hear what he has to say.
In a shakey voice he says: "Maybel, when I die, I want you to marry Jenkins."
Taken back a moment, she looks at her husband and says: "Jenkins?! Why, I thought you hated him!"
The old man cackles and in his last breath he says "AND I STILL DO!"

A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his f**.... A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.
I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own f**....
What's so funny about that?
I'm a gynecologist.

My boss texted me "Send me a funny joke"

I texted him back "Sorry, boss, I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later."
He replied back "That was fantastic, send me another!"

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of r**... and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the r**... before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

m**... in the jungle

A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."

I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.

The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".
I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I f**..., the room smells incredible.

That awkward moment when you're having s**... with a German girl and she keeps yelling "Nine!"

Like, are you just yelling your age or are ten of us too many?

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

The cop makes his way up to the window and says, We're looking for two child molesters.
The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.
We'll do it.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied.  "I said I was 87!"

A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach...

A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach.
"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.
"What's it short for?" she asks.
Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,
"I dunno, it's always been like that."

A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...

when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?
The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."

I got mugged by a thief last night.

I got mugged by a theif last night on my way from work.
Pointing a knife at me and asked me... "Your money or your life!".
I told him I am Married... "So I have no money and I have no life... ".
We hugged and cried together.
It was a beautiful moment....

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Three old ladies are sitting on a bench

A f**... runs up and opens his coat.
The first woman immediately had a s**....
The second had one only a moment later.
The third didn't because she couldn't reach.

An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp

Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

I don't think I am. the horse replies.
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?

Moment joke, Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

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