Mom Shocked Jokes
32 mom shocked jokes and hilarious mom shocked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mom shocked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mom Shocked Short Jokes
Short mom shocked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mom shocked humour may include short mommy jokes also.
- A girl walks up to her mom Mom, I'm in love with our neighbor
Her mom looked back at her in shock But he could be your father!
Age doesn't matter, love is love
I don't think you understand - Today my brother told me he was going to be a mom It was a shock to hear, but I'm happy he can be transparent!
- I was shocked when i came across a picture of my mom in the local newspaper ...now all the pages are stuck together.
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Mom Shocked One Liners
Which mom shocked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mom shocked? I can suggest the ones about mamma and mama.
- Mom never told me I shouldn't touch electric wires Imagine my shock when I got grounded!
Delightful Fun Mom Shocked Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about mom shocked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter mother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mom shocked pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 20 years old girl returned to her home , looking Happy.
'Mom , look I got 10$ ! ' she exclaimed. Surprised , her mother asked ' honey , you had gone to the forest. how did you get this money ?'
' When I was roaming in the forest, a middle-aged man came to me and said that he would give me 10$ if I would climb a tree. '
Shocked, her mother replied ' Oh no dear , you don't understand . You are wearing a skirt and by climbing the tree, he wanted to see your p**....'
The daughter replied ' Don't worry mom , I am very clever . I knew this and so I removed my p**... before climbing the tree.'
A mother finds out she has cancer
A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.
"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.
The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.
At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."
Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.
"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"
Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Little Girl Catches Her Parents Having s**...
One night, a little girl decides to peek inside her parent's bedroom. She is shocked by what she sees, for she catches a glimpse of mommy bouncing up and down on top of daddy.
That very next morning, she asks her mom, "Mommy, why were you hopping up and down on top of daddy?"
The mom replies, "Oh, umm, well, I was just trying to help lose weight by pushing the air out of him."
The girl says, "Well that won't work mommy."
Puzzled, the mother replies, "Well why not, honey?"
"Well, every week while you're at work, the pretty girl from across the street comes to blow him back up!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
49ers Fan
On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a m**..., what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'
I want Tampax!
A little boy was asked by his mom what he would like for his birthday. He answered immediately: "I want Tampax!"
The mother was shocked, then asked him why in the world he would want that for his birthday.
"Because it says in the commercials that with Tampax you can go swimming, ride a horse, or go to a party any time you a want to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man decided to get a DNA test
When the results came, he confronted his parents because he found they weren't his real parents.
His mom, shocked and confused, tried to understand what had happened while his father tried to calm her down.
"I thought you knew" said the father.
"What do you mean?? How was I supposed to know he's not our son??" answered the mother.
The father calmly explained "Well, when we were leaving the hospital, he s**... himself and you told me to go back and change it"
A man is watching the news.
All of a sudden, he sees an alert saying that there is a car driving the completely wrong way on I-84. Shocked by this, he goes to call his mom, who was planning to come go his house later that night, via I-84.
"Mom, be very careful out there, there is a car driving backwards on I-84."
She responds, "I know! There's hundreds of them!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny accidentally enters his parents room and is shocked by what he saw
"Mom you are doing this and you punish me for s**... my finger" he shouted
Hey George
George and John are talking and George says he is leaving for another country to work.
''The only only thing i ask from you is to take care my cat and my mother'' he says.
Two months go by and John calls George and says '' your cat is dead''
George is shocked and tells John ''come on man, you should more gentle with such news. for example call me one time and tell me that my cat is on the roof and you cant get it down. Then call me and tell me that you are still trying but with no luck. And then call me to tell me that my cat is dead''
About two months go by again and John calls George
'' Hey Goerge, your mom is on the roof ''
Little Jimmy has spent the last few days eating over his friends house...
The first night, he ate dinner over the McNally's house. The table was set and before everyone ate, they all said a prayer.
On the second night, he ate dinner at the Goldman's house. The table was set and before anyone ate, they all said a prayer.
On the third night, little Little Jimmy went over the Vitali's house. Mamma Vitali and her daughters set the table and immediately everyone started to eat.
Shocked, Jimmy asks his friend Anthony,
"Hey Anthony, how come you guys don't pray before you eat?
Anthony replies with a mouth full of pasta,
"We're Italian, my mom knows how to cook!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys sitting next to each other in a loud, crowded bar...
Over all the noise, o**... turns to the other guy and says, "I had s**... with your mother last night". The other guy just shakes his head and turns away.
About 2 drinks later, the first guy says a little louder, "I BANGED your mother last night!!" A few people around them stopped what they were doing to see how the other guy was going to respond, but he just turns away clearly embarrassed.
3 shots later, the first guy yells as loud as he possibly can, "I DESTROYED YOUR MOM IN BED LAST NIGHT!!!" This time the entire bar heard and the room fell silent in shock...
The other guy turns to him and says, "Dad, go home.. you're drunk!"
A boy went up to his father and said, "Your secret is out now dad. It's no use hiding it."
His father's face went pale. He gave the boy $100 and told him to keep quiet about it.
Happy that the trick worked, he then went to his mother and said, "Your secret is out now mom. It's no use hiding it." Just like his dad, his mom was shocked too. She gave the boy $200 and told him to keep quiet about it.
Excited, the boy thought who should he try the trick on next when he saw the postman outside his house. He approached the postman and said, "Your secret is out now mister. It's no use hiding it." The postman, completely shocked, hugged the boy and said, "I am glad you finally know it son."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was shot 3 times while pregnent with triplets.
She and her babies survived. 14 years later, her daughter comes to her and says "mom I peed out a bullet." The mother was shocked to hear such a thing. A few hours later, her other daughter comes to her and says she also peed out a bullet. Sure enough there was another bullet in the toilet.
Her son then comes to her the next day, frantically saying "Mom! Guess what!"
"You peed out a bullet, didn't you?"
"No, I was jacking off and shot the dog!"
An engineering student moved back into his parent's house after graduating
He spent a lot of his time hidden away in his room playing games and arguing with strangers on the internet. One day, he was having a particularly heated conversation on a forum about why Kilograms are a better unit of measurement than Pounds. Then his mother suddenly opened the door without knocking. Shocked, she let out a gasp and quickly turned away as he frantically closed all the tabs in his browser.
Maybe that seems like an overreaction. But what would you do if your mom walked in on you mass-debating?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl ask her mom how much she weighs
The mom replies, "That is not a question you ask other people." As the girl is walking to school her friend recommends looking at her mom's drivers licence because it has all her mom's information. The girl then proceeds to look at her mom's drivers license and then reproaches her mom and says "you weigh 135lbs! And you are also 5' 6" tall." The mom replies "you're correct" the girl continues to say "I also know why daddy broke up with you!" The shocked mother then inquires how the little girl knows. The little girl says "Because you got an F in s**...!"
Cheap parrot
A woman decides she wants to buy a pet so she heads down to the local pet store. After a bit of browsing, she fixes her attention on a lovely talking parrot on sale for only $10. The clerk tells her the parrot's going cheap because it used to live in a house of ill repute so it may not be the most family friendly of pets. Thinking this deal is too good to pass up, she buys it without hesitation.
She gets home and places the parrot near the entrance. The parrot looks around and says, "New house, new madame!" The woman is startled by this but laughs it off. Later, her two teenage daughters get home, the parrot looks at them and remarks, "New house, new madame, new prostitutes!" The girls are shocked by this but after some explaining by the mom, they all laugh it off. The woman is delighted and eagerly awaits her husband so she can see what his reaction will be.
The husband arrives moments later. The parrot looks at him and says,"Hello Keith!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother and a young daughter go to the zoo.
One fine day, both mother and her 7 yr old daughter go to the zoo. The daughter sees monkeys having s**... and asks her mom "What is going on!?" The mother replies "honey, they are just baking a cake". Then the mother takes the daughter to the park and she sees a couple having s**... behind a tree. The daughter asks again "What is going on??" The mother says "oh honey, they are just baking a cake".
The next morning, the innocent girl asks her mother Mom, "were you and dad baking a cake last night in the living room?" The mom is shocked and asks "How did you know?" The daughter replies "I tasted the frosting on the sofa".
Ba-dum yiss.
A student goes away to college for the first time
He's worried about how his cat will take his absence, so he calls home the first chance he gets. His little brother answers the phone.
How's Mittens doing?
Oh, Mittens died.
What?
Yeah, Mittens is dead.
I can't believe that you just blurted it out like that.
What do you mean?
Well, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said, 'She's up on the roof and we can't get her down.' Then next time I called you could say that Mittens fell and got hurt, and then next time you could say that she died. It wouldn't have been such a shock.
Yeah, I see what you mean. Sorry.
That's OK, just let me talk to Mom.
Uh, she's up on the roof and we can't get her down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Disrespectful parrot.
A little girl is playing around her sleeping dad, when she notices that her dad is n**... from the waist down under the blanket. Curious, she wakes up her dad and point to his junk and asks him what is it? Her dad embarrassed tries to explain keeping her innocence,
"sweetheart, this is a parrot, the one's in the bottom are its eggs and the foliage surrounding it is its nest". Saying that he sends her away and goes back to sleep.
A few hours later the girls mom comes home and is shocked to find EMT's taking her husband in an ambulance. While the little girl sits terrified and crying. The mom runs to her and asks what happened?
"Mommy, i got bored and decided to play with the parrot, but after a few minutes of playing the parrot spit on me and i got angry. So i cut the parrots neck, smashed its eggs with a wrench and burned its nest".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little hispanic boy was next to his mother while she was making tortillas...
A little hispanic boy was next to his mother while she was making tortillas. He dumps his face into the flour, ruining it and says to his mother, "Look mom! I'm a white boy!". Shocked the mom spanks that boy and afterwards tells hims "Go show this to your father!" He goes to his father and says "Look dad!, I'm a white boy!" and his father proceeds to s**... him as well and sends him off his grandmother. He goes to his grandmother and says "Look abuela I'm a white boy..." She turned furiously red and berated him. Then she spanked him and said said "Show this to my husband!", not wanting to call him his grandfather. He went to his grandfather and sorrowfully said "Look pampo... I'm ... a white boy." His grandfather didn't just s**... him, he proceeded to beat him. Once he was done, the boy was sent back to his mother.
His mother asked, "What did you learn?"
The boy replied, "I've only been white for an hour, and I learned that I already hate you w**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's wife lay dying in the hospital...
with a mysterious illness. After the doctor said that there was nothing else he could do, he turned and left the couple alone in the room. The man asked his wife "Honey, is there anything I can do for you before you go?"
She weakly replied "Yes. I want you to go down on me."
Her husband was shocked. "What? Why? You mean right here, now?"
"Yes, please dear. It would make me happy one last time."
So the husband reluctantly begins to carry out his wife's request. As his wife nears c**..., she becomes more and more animated and finally screams out in pleasure.
The husband looks at her in shock, just as the doctors and nurses rush into the room. The wife looks at the everyone and says "I feel wonderful! Better than I've felt in my life!" The doctor, in disbelief, asked what had happened. The wife explained what had transpired, and just then her husband sat down on the bed weeping.
His wife asked, "Honey, why are you crying? You saved my life!"
Her husband answered her "Yes, and I'm so happy about that. It's just, to think, I could have saved Mom and Aunt Mary!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Icing on top of the cake
A little girl was visiting the zoo with her mom when they saw a pair of monkeys having s**.... The curious little girl asked what the monkeys were doing. The flustered mom tried to cover it up and said,
"They're making cakes!"
The next day the little girl goes to her mom and says with a smile, "you and daddy were making cakes in the sofa last night weren't you?"
The mom is shocked and asks, "how did you know!?"
The little girl smiles and replies,
"Cuz I licked the icing off the sofa"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Boy Walks In On Parents
who are in the middle of having s**.... The mom was on top of the dad when he enteres and immediately jumped off when she saw the son enter. The boy turns and runs from the room and goes back to his bedroom to think about what he just saw. The mom grabs her robe and come into his room to try and explain what he saw.
Mom: Son, I know you are confused about what you saw but its really simple. You know your dad has a big stomach so every night I sit on it to make it go down.
Son: well thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Mom: (shocked) Well what do you mean?
Son: Well thats s**... because every day you go to work the neighbor comes over and blows it right back up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living...
Jack answers, "my daddy's a scientist, and my mom is a nurse."
Suzie answers, "my mommy's an architect."
"And how about you, Johnny?" the teacher asks one student. Johnny looks up at her and says, "my dad works at a gay s**... club. Every night, he dances in a g-string for a bunch of men, and once in a while one of the men will pay him and he'll go to the man's house for the night." The teacher, shocked, hurriedly moves the class along to the next activity.
A little while later, she pulls Johnny aside while the rest of the students are working, and asks, "did you really mean that when you said your dad's a gay stripper?" Johnny looks up and says, "no, he's one of Mitt Romney's campaign managers, but that was too embarrassing to tell the whole class."
So after serving overseas for 6 months a soldier calls home...
...his brother picks up the phone, they say their hellos and ask how each other are doing. The soldier then asks how everything is with the rest of the family. The brother says, "Well, the cat died."
The soldier is shocked by this and answers, "You can't just drop that on me, you need to ease me into it! Start by saying 'Fluffy got on the roof the other day' then 'Fluffy fell' and 'Fluffy didn't make it.
The brother responds, "Alright, I'm sorry. ...Mom got on the roof the other day..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife didn't want their young son Timmy to know they were having a q**......
...so they told him to go out on the balcony and give them a blow-by-blow account of the neighborhood comings and goings.
so Timmy goes out and begins reciting, "The Johnsons got a new car, there's a police car over at the Shaws' place, Jason Mitchell is sneaking out of his house, and the Ledfords are having s**...."
The parents are shocked. "Timmy!" the mom cried, "how on Earth do you know they're having s**...?"
Timmy rolls his eyes and replies, "Their kid's out on the balcony too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mom is driving her 6 year old daughter to her friend's house when...
the daughter asks "Mom, how old are you?
The mother replies "That's not a polite question to ask a lady, dear."
Undaunted, the daughter asks "Okay, but how much do you weight?"
Again the mother replies "Honey, that's a very impolite question!"
Persistently, the daughter asks "Okay mom, one last question. Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is a very rude questions!" Says the mom, exacerbated, "That's enough from you, young lady!"
Later, the daughter tells her friend about the conversation she had with her mom and the friend has a suggestion:
"Take a look at her driver's license," says the friend, "It's like a report card for adults. It has all that stuff on it!"
Later that night, the daughter says to her mom "I know how old you are. You are 34! And you weigh 140 pounds!"
"How in the world did you know that?" The mother says, shocked.
"I also know why daddy divorced you!" says the daughter, triumphantly.
"And why's that?!" says the mother.
"You got an F in s**..."
