Mom Jokes

172 mom jokes and hilarious mom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Mom Short Jokes

Short mom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mom humour may include short mam jokes also.

  1. Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
    Dad: *Clenches fist*
    Mom: "Don't!"
    Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
    Mom: "..."
    Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
  2. Having homosexual parents must be terrible Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
  3. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
    Happy Mothers' Day!
  4. Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
  5. Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's Mom: use protection
    daughter: mom I'm 15
    Mom: and I'm 30
  6. I feel sad for people with gay parents They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
  7. My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
  8. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife Thanks, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day!
  9. "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
  10. My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him... ...until my mom took the urn back.

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Mom One Liners

Which mom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mom? I can suggest the ones about sweetie and three moms.

  1. Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...
  2. I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
  3. Your mom is so ugly... That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask
  4. Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
  5. Mom, why am I getting christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
  6. My mom used to tuck me in at night... I think she really wanted a girl.
  7. You're mom's so slow... ...that it took her 9 months to make a joke.
  8. MOM! I'm being called gay in school. Who is calling you that son?
    A bunch of cute boys.
  9. Mom, am I ugly? "I told you not to call me mom in front of people"
  10. A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing... "My mom is gonna kill me."
  11. What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
  12. They used to be called "Jumpolines" ...until your mom jumped on one back in 1972.
  13. Your mom is so slow It took her nine months to make a joke
  14. As a young boy my mom would always tuck me in at night She always wanted a girl.
  15. Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

My Mom Jokes

Here is a list of funny my mom jokes and even better my mom puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Having gay parents must be horrible You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
  • I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.
  • When I was a kid my mom used to say " Perdon my French" when she said any bad word. I'll never forget the day in school when my teacher ask if could speak French.
  • My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
  • Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
    Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
  • A girl says to her mom, "I want a Barbie and a GI Joe". Mom says, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"
    And the girl replies, "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."
  • My dad was always drunk when I was a kid The punchline?
    It was my mom, then my sister, then me
  • My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?" My mom answered "Who?"
    "Your daughter"
    courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
  • My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother until my mom took the urn from me.
  • I call my girlfriend Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute. I just really hope her mom gets shot.

Your Mom Jokes

Here is a list of funny your mom jokes and even better your mom puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • having gay parents must be awful Either 2 times the normal amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in a loop of go ask your mom.
  • What is a nice guys' favorite cooking utensil? M'Ladle
    *tips fedora*
    Just kidding, it's his mom. He doesn't cook.
  • I used to be scared of pretty girls, So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
  • My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard. But I don't give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd
  • Little girl: "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
  • If I had a dollar every time a woman called me handsome... I would have one dollar... thanks mom...
  • Mom asks, "Are you going to take me out to a restaurant for Mother's Day?" Kid replies, "We have food at home"
  • Why girls don't have willys Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
  • This Mother's Day, my dad got a new car for my mom. He said it was the best trade he's ever made
  • A boy asked his mom "Mom, What is dark humor?" The mom said to the boy "See that man with no hands? Tell him to clap."
    The boy then said to his mom "But mom, you know I'm blind!"

Mom Dad Jokes

Here is a list of funny mom dad jokes and even better mom dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
    I added, "Your luggage is outside."
  • Son: Mom, Dad, I'm gay Mom: *looks at Dad*
    Dad: *clenches fist*
    Mom: don't you dare!
    Dad: hi gay, I'm Dad!
  • TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
  • My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
  • Having gay parents must be horrible Either you get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask your mom'
  • I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission.... I never should have given dad my username.
  • My Dad got a Mercedes for my Mom this Mother's Day. He says it's the best trade he ever made.
  • Today I asked my mom what she did for a living, she replied "I'm a headmaster". To which my dad replied "yeah she is"
  • Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay. Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay.
    Mom: *gasp*
    Dad: *clenches fists*
    Mom: Honey, stop!
    Dad: *steps forward*
    Mom: N-
    Dad: HI GAY, I'M DAD.
  • Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.

Mom And Dad Jokes

Here is a list of funny mom and dad jokes and even better mom and dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I came home to an intervention put on by my ex-lovers, my mom and my dad. And this is why we need the oxford comma.
  • A little boy went up to his father and asked, Dad, where did my intelligence come from? His father replied, well, son, you probably got it from your mom, because I still have mine.
  • Here's a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy? A mistake
    - I don't know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot.
  • Me: Why is my sister's name Teresa? Dad: because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.
    Me: Thanks, dad.
    Dad: no problem, Alan.
  • I asked my Dad, "Dad, what did you want to do when you were my age?" "Your mom's sister."
  • "Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. I'm vegan." "Sweetie, we know. It's the fourth time you've told us today."
  • Dad, why did you and mom choose this name? "You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
    And why is my sister called Lana ?
    "For the same reason."
  • My mom dresses like my dad and my dad dresses like my mom They're transparent
  • Now with all the kids outside, playing Pokémon..... Dads and moms can stay inside playing Pokémom.
  • Why did dad divorce mom after hiking Mt. Everest? Mom got frostbite, and had toes amputated.
    Dad's lack-toes-intolerant.

Uproarious Mom Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about mom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mommy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mom pranks.

My favourite s**... position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a v**...."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

My mom just told me this one

Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?
Me: really? Who?
Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...
Me: Witherspoon?
Mom: no, with her knife

The son of a b**...

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

A 3 year old boy examined his t**... in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied

My favourite s**... position is called "WOW"...

Its when I flip your MOM.

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They're appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.
The boy leaves and the girl's mom remarks, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
* Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service? *

A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door

The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me

What's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?

Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"
Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay!"

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."

An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a p**....

her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a p**..." then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"

Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is s**..., uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.

Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."

Mom got a s**... change operation

After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."

A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.

The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!

So my mom is getting her foot cut off today.. (really)

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot.
I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

Two boys are in the woods...

...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting n**... in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see n**... chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a n**... girl before I'm married, I'll turn to stone and I felt something getting hard!"

A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.

But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop s**... when I s**... her

Best son ever

5 year old son after reading a story of a king
Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing
Mom : which one will put you to sleep?
Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son
Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?
Son : let them sleep with daddy
Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"
"That's easy, Berlin."
"And the capital of France?"
"And the one of Poland?"
"Also Berlin."
"Good job Adolf, good job!"

My new favorite s**... position is called "wow".

It's where I turn your mom upside down.

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?
Mom replies, That is my sponge.
Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have s**... with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two w**... in this house.

Yet another r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...
"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

What's an example of a palindrome?

Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?
Dad: Mom.
Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?
Mom: Dad.

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

The best in town!

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.

My favorite s**... position is the WOW

That's when I flip your MOM over.

A little boy was looking through the keyhole of his sister's room

Mom says with a smile, "why are you concerned with what your sister is doing in there?"
Boy replies, "I am not concerned with her, I am wondering what dad is doing."

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.
Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."
So I took off her skirt.
Then she says, "Take off my bra and p**......"
So I took off her bra and p**....
Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

birthday card

As i handed my mom her 50th birthday card today she said " One would've done"

A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."

jokes about mom