It's where I flip your MOM over
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.
[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum
O B C D...
Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!
I masturbate too much, the man replied.
Sir, that's not really a problem, the operator said.
The man shouted, Did you hear that, Mom? Now get off my case.
They're both thinking, Shit, my mom is gonna kill me!
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
She said - why would we choose you..
He asks mommy! whats that?"
Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.
Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"
Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"
kid says "oh, mommy says that's nothing"
The dad replies "Yeah, i spoil that woman"
Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?
Me: really? Who?
Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...
Me: Witherspoon?
Mom: no, with her knife
She says "No, why"
"Because Dad is upstairs trying to pull his off"
Daughter - Mommy, what was that?
Mom - (obviously didn't want her daughter to know what it was) It was just a bug honey. Don't worry about it.
*a few seconds of silence*
Daughter - Well that bug had a big dick.
$0, it's on the house.
**people keep saying dad joke, funny thing is my mom actually told me this 😂**
Little girl: "Mommy, what's a Penis?
Mom: "Be a good girl and you'll get one when you grow up."
Little girl: But what if I'm a bad girl?"
Mom: "Then you'll get more."
Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!
A little girl is riding along the highway with her mom.
When suddenly a dildo falls off the truck in front of them and hits the windshield
The little girl asks: *Mommy, what was that?*
The mom, not wanting her little girl to know about sex yet, answers: *It was just a bug honey.*
The little girl sits quitely for a while, before exclaiming: *It sure had a big dick.*
She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."
her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a prostitute" then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
So I hit her, because no one can call my mom a bitch.
Then I hit myself, because no one can hit my mum.
Then she hit me, because no one can hit her son.
And then she hit herself, because NO ONE can hit her son.
Then I hit her. because no one can hit my mum.
I hope we'll solve this when father gets home...
Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
Father turns around, smiles, and winks.
Few minutes later, a horrible noise arises from down the hall. Father dismounts, runs down the hall, only to find the boy with Grandmother bent over the bed.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" says Father.
Boy smiles, winks, and says "not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
"Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
... you either get twice as much of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mom? Well, here are the best Mom dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mom pick up lines to share with friends.