moist Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious moist puns

The moist finger

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.

I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me.

And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."

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What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlette.

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I like my girls the way I like my Whiskey.

Eighteen years old, moist and preferably in a basement.

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I'd like to buy some dog food

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry; I can't sell this dog food to you unless Isee the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see
your cat.
The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

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little boy asked his daddy

"What does a vagina look like?"
Dad says," you know what a rose looks like on a warm sunny morning, all velvety and moist. That's what it looks like before sex."
Right on cue the little boy asks," Well what about after sex dad?"
Dad answers," Have you ever seen a pitbull eating mayonnaise?"

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What do you call a baby owl in the rain?

A moist owlette

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What am I?

I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!

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What do you call a calf in the rain?

*A moist cowlette!*

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Things you can only say at Christmas...

1: I prefer breasts to legs.

2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.

4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5: I've never seen a better spread!

6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.

7: Are you ready for seconds yet?

8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10: Don't play with your meat!

11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14: You still have a little bit on your chin.

15: How long will it take after you put it in?

16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.

20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more

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I like my women like i like my cake mixes...

ultra moist whites

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Woman talking to her husband: My friend Susan said her boyfriend recites poems about love to her, I think that's so romantic, why can't you do something like that? Husband replies I can do that.

Roses are red your panties are moist, I'd take you to bed, but I don't have a hoist.

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What is dark and hairy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it?

A coconut

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I like my women the way I like my cake...

Moist.

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If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don't flush...

Because you aren't supposed to flush moist owelettes.

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I don't like damp things

For the moist part

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I ain't got much but I can keep dry.

Which is more than moist people.

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What do you call an Owl taking a bath?

... A moist owlette

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What's pink, moist and smells fishy?

Salmon.

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The last time I made a chick moist....

was a water balloon fight in 4th grade.

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NSFW A teenage boy asks his father what a vagina looks like before sex

His father replied "They are a beauty to see as they glisten all soft and moist"
The son ponders that for a moment and asks "So what do they look like after sex?"
"Picture a bulldog eating custard....."

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I like my women like I like my basement...

Dark and moist, with a bit of semen inside.

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What are sometimes moist, smells bad and requires going down to get in it?

Basements.

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What do you call a heifer in a pond?

A moist cow-lette

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What does the dryer say to the laundry when it's still moist?

I dried my best.

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What do you call the killing of a duck?

A murder moist fowl.

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Store Policy

CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT: Do you have a dog?
CUSTOMER: Yes.
CHECKOUT: Where is he?
CUSTOMER: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the customer returns.
CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT: Do you have a cat?
CUSTOMER: Yes.
CHECKOUT: Well...where is he?
CUSTOMER: He's at home!
CHECKOUT: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the customer returns.
CHECKOUT: What's in the sack?
CUSTOMER: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
CUSTOMER: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

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What did the moisturiser say to his wife when greeting her at the train station?

Alo Vera!

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I think I have a water fetish

Just traces of it makes me feel moist and when I'm in contact with a lot of it I'm wet

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My Thanksgiving dinner was almost perfect. All it needed was a little something to make it a bit more moist.

That would be gravy.

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Q. Why did the gynecologist had a moist nose?

A. He was short sighted.

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I like my women like I like my brownies...

Moist and flakey.

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A young boy approached his father... [NSFW]

...and said, "Daddy, some kids in school have been talking about stuff I don't understand."

"What is it, son?" asked the father.

The boy said, "Well, what does a pussy look like?"

"Do you mean before or after sex?"

"Um... before!"

"Well son," said the father, "have you ever seen a rose, plump and red, moist with the morning dew, and smells just as sweet?"

"Yes..."

"That's what it's like before sex."

"Oh." said the boy. He thinks for a minute and asks, "What about after sex?"

The father thinks for a minute and then says, "Son... have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

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A man was in charge of offloading the...

...grain from the ships at the harbour. Unfortunately the grain was very moist and did not get sucked up by vacuum too easily.

He approached the foreman for some advice, who said: "If at first you don't suck seed, try a drier grain."

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When does the Pillsbury Doughboy pull out?

20 minutes at 350 degrees. If it's too moist, put it back in.

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I moisturize my hands with KY gel...

...that way everybody gets a warm welcome.

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What are the most funny Moist jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Moist? Well, here are the best Moist dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Moist pick up lines to share with friends.

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