Modernize Jokes

107 modernize jokes and hilarious modernize puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about modernize that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Short Modernize Jokes
Modernize One Liners
More Modernize Jokes

Funniest Modernize Short Jokes

Short modernize jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The modernize humour may include short jokes also.

What does my Grandma and a Modern website have in common? Making me Accept the Cookies on every visit.
Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen. In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.
TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music? One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics. His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules. Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.
I have no problem buying Tampons for my wife, I'm a fairly modern man But apparently, they don't make a great birthday present.
Modern art is easy to understand. If you take a dump on someone's door mat, ring the bell and run away - it's an installation. If you ring the bell and then take a dump - it's a performance.
What do governments and modern cars have in common? 1. They're full of airbags.
2. They're full of features that nobody wants.
3. They're impossible for the average person to fix.
I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile. I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.

Share These Modernize Jokes With Friends

Modernize One Liners

Which modernize one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with modernize? I can suggest the ones about and .

Modern day bullies be like: "Nice gender, did your mommy pick it out for you???"
5 Execution Methods Still Used In The Modern World Number 1 will shock you
How does the modern-day james bond prefer his women? Shaven, not furred
What do skinny jeans and modern houses have in common? No ballroom
What do oppressive regimes and modern CPUs have in common? Speculative execution
Why modern man jeans feels like a cheaply made castle? No ballroom.
Moses was very modern He was the first to get a tablet with a data from the cloud
Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . . Socialist Media.
In a way, Han Solo was a bit like a modern Icarus. They both got too close to the son.
If Jesus Christ came in the modern day, what would his favorite gun be? Nail gun
Modern art is just like graffiti Its very ugly and you find it everywhere
How do you spot a modern spider? He has a web site.
What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music? Bjorn in the wrong generation.
Modern art is like money. I don't get it.
What four letter word has made the biggest impact in the modern world? Send.

Modernize Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about modernize you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make modernize pranks.

ALEX TREBEK: This accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics

**ME:** *(spraying a mouthful of popcorn)* WHAT IS A DOORKNOB?!

An Amish family visits a mall...

...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".

I have no problems with buying tampons...

I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present.
(Jimmy Carr)

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.
He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.
"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

Moral decline of the modern world

Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.
"I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously, "Did you?"
"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"

Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy

From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book.

Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day

Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What's common to the cockpit of a modern fighter aircraft and the inside of a headhunter's hut?

The heads-up display

Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...

He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq.

They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.

After much debate comparing early black communities to modern during all these officer related shootings

They have decided water hoses weren't so bad

LPT: if you're trying to study, don't listen to music with lyrics

Any modern pop-song should do.

Women are like modern art...

They're hard to figure out, and we're not really sure if they even have a purpose.

What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?

"Technologically backward"
What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?
"Economically underdeveloped."
What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?
"America"

Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life

The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.

The Lawyer and the Mexican

A lawyer and a Mexican live next to eachother in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine.
One day, they're both mowing the frontlawn. The Mexican says:
"You know, my house is worth more than yours."
The lawyer is confused. He responds:
"How? Our houses are identical. Did you renovate the interior?"
"No."
"Did you modernize the kitchen or the bathroom?"
"I didn't."
"Then how can your house be worth more than mine?!", the lawyer cries.
"Well, I live next to a lawyer, and you live next to a Mexican."

They don't make forks like they used to.

Modern plastic ware makes me miss the good old tines.

I think I just figured out the name of the modern day Thieves Guild.

How are women and a modern computer similar?

Neither can do anything with a three and a half inch floppy.

An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV.

He asked, "What is that for?"

My girlfriend often accuses me of telling sexist, condescending jokes that target women.

I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.
So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.

So I went to this job interview the other day...

Interviewer: how would you describe yourself?
me: preferably with words, but I've also prepared a modern dance!

Mummy DNA shows that the ancients don't have much in common with modern Egyptians

But at least they have Tutankhamun

Vatican to elevate pope Francis to sainthood-report

Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'

I'm building an app to help people fall asleep at night. It'll be recordings of straight white men talking about gender identity, cultural appropriation and modern racism...

Name of the app is White Noise.

What t**... group hates modern broadcast systems?

The Teleban

I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us n**... to shoot again.

I am a modern man, I don't mind buying tampons.

But apparently, they are not a proper present

What is s**...?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's s**...?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Due to the negative connotation of the phrase "colored people" the NAACP is thinking about changing their name to reflect more modern terms like "African Americans"

But then they said NAAAA.

Two women are partners at a science laboratory

They both work together and create a breakthrough in modern science.
Their boyfriends receive this news while they are both at the bar together.
One boyfriend turns to the other and says,
"Dude, we're f**...' geniuses."

I got a Kindle for Christmas that only lets me download modern sociology audiobooks.

I think it speaks volumes on todays society.

Our ancestors would be so jealous of modern dryers' lint traps

They had to get by on whatever they could capture in their belly b**...

Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.

The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.

What happens when you play a modern country song, backwards?

Your truck fixes itself, your dog comes back to life, your girlfriend comes back to you, and your beer refills itself.

I went to a museum of modern art the other day and saw a cone statue.

I really enjoyed it and would have liked to prolong my visit, but it was truncated.

Yo mama is so ugly.

Modern cannot explain her f**... structure.

Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...

I need to see some concrete evidence

You know when I was growing up I thought modern medicine would have cured everything.

I still can't believe it's nearly 1993 and they haven't found a cure for alzheimer's.

I Have No Problems Buying Tampons

For my girlfriend, I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" birthday present.

Amusingly, the flow of e**... in the sewer system is well-regulated.

And thanks to modern architectural decor, it's all in all a pretty solid waste system.

It's a lot of rubbish when people talk about "how good" modern kids are these days with technology.

My grandson is staying for the weekend, and he looks absolutely clueless with my VCR and VHS tapes.

Rabbi Schwartz and Father O'Malley were at a diner enjoying lunch

Father O'Malley put down his ham and cheese sandwich and commented, This sandwich is so good! Kosher dietary restrictions made sense in ancient times, but when are you going to join the modern age and eat delicious, wholesome food like this?
Without missing a beat, Rabbi Schwartz replied, At your wedding.

The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.

Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about p**...? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's a**... all the way to Bethlehem!

Karen visits an art gallery

Karen: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon Ma'am, that is a mirror.

TIL Older forms of English kept Latin's gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.

This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.

What would the Dragonborn's weapon be if Skyrim was a modern setting?

A Shoutgun, obviously!

Contrary to popular belief there was more s**... on the TV in the 50s and 60s than there is now.

Modern TVs can't support the weight.

When you pay a lot for an "antique" chair and then find out that it's just a cheap modern chair that the seller roughed up,

that's distressing.

Why are modern cities all so prejudiced against ancient Sumerian cities?

They all have Ur-ban areas.

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...
Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.
In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, Hey compadre, we don't have to just *accept* this as our new normal, ya know? What with modern fashion and technology these days… we can *do* something about this!
So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.

We should start calling new jokes as modern jokes

Like modern art if no one is getting it then it is a hit.

What does a modern excutioner, with a sense of humor do, before injecting lethal injection?

\- Disinfect the arm, to prevent infection.

People said I was crazy for getting mixed vaccines

But I like to think of myself as a Modern-izer

What a modern day thing you think will kill a victorian era child?

I think a single sip of Four Loko wipe them out !

Modern cars are always bloated with unnecessary add ons

I mean, who needs turn signals on a BMW.

Sir John Harrington, inventor of the modern flush toilet is well remembered for two reasons:

Number 1 and Number 2

Pardon me but I live in France and am writing this by Google Translate. Thank my God for modern day technology. I am speaking French into my phone this moment and I get the English translation. Father, if you are reading this, I need to tell you about my true sexuality and why I have no girlfriend.

I like ten.

-Trix and -Tor as suffixes

Older forms of English kept Latin's gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women.
So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix. And so on.
This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for men and women, and **trix is for kids**.