Modern Jokes
158 modern jokes and hilarious modern puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about modern that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make the holiday season merry with a chuckle from these modern jokes from a variety of topics, including modern art, molecular science, and more. These jokes provide both an educational and entertaining twist, and are perfect for creating an enjoyable atmosphere with family, friends, and modern farmers. Enjoy a laugh with these unique adaptations of classic jokes and explore the world of modern greek, modern carnac, and more.
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Funniest Modern Short Jokes
Short modern jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The modern humour may include short traditional jokes also.
- What does my Grandma and a Modern website have in common? Making me Accept the Cookies on every visit.
- Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen. In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.
- TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
- What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music? One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.
- Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics. His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
- Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules. Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.
- I have no problem buying Tampons for my wife, I'm a fairly modern man But apparently, they don't make a great birthday present.
- Modern art is easy to understand. If you take a dump on someone's door mat, ring the bell and run away - it's an installation. If you ring the bell and then take a dump - it's a performance.
- What do governments and modern cars have in common? 1. They're full of airbags.
2. They're full of features that nobody wants.
3. They're impossible for the average person to fix. - I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile. I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.
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Modern One Liners
Which modern one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with modern? I can suggest the ones about urban and classic.
- Modern day bullies be like: "Nice gender, did your mommy pick it out for you???"
- 5 Execution Methods Still Used In The Modern World Number 1 will shock you
- How does the modern-day james bond prefer his women? Shaven, not furred
- What do skinny jeans and modern houses have in common? No ballroom
- What do oppressive regimes and modern CPUs have in common? Speculative execution
- Why modern man jeans feels like a cheaply made castle? No ballroom.
- Moses was very modern He was the first to get a tablet with a data from the cloud
- Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . . Socialist Media.
- In a way, Han Solo was a bit like a modern Icarus. They both got too close to the son.
- If Jesus Christ came in the modern day, what would his favorite gun be? Nail gun
- Modern art is just like graffiti Its very ugly and you find it everywhere
- How do you spot a modern spider? He has a web site.
- What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music? Bjorn in the wrong generation.
- Modern art is like money. I don't get it.
- What four letter word has made the biggest impact in the modern world? Send.
Modern Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny modern day jokes and even better modern day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What a modern day thing you think will kill a victorian era child? I think a single sip of Four Loko wipe them out !
- It's a lot of rubbish when people talk about "how good" modern kids are these days with technology. My grandson is staying for the weekend, and he looks absolutely clueless with my VCR and VHS tapes.
- So I went to this job interview the other day... Interviewer: how would you describe yourself?
me: preferably with words, but I've also prepared a modern dance! - I went to a museum of modern art the other day and saw a cone statue. I really enjoyed it and would have liked to prolong my visit, but it was truncated.
- I think I just figured out the name of the modern day Thieves Guild. EA
- Back in the day, pens could only be used once before you threw them away The invention of the modern pen is truly remarkable
- Renovation of Big Ben has started After the modernization, the famous clock will be beat five times a day, calling the faithful to prayer.
- How many Trump spokesmen does it take to change a lightbulb? There is no need to fix the light. Darkness is modern day presidential.
- What do modern-day witches ride? Vacuum cleaners
- What do modern day witches do? Own a Micro-brewery.
I'll see myself out...
Modern Art Jokes
Here is a list of funny modern art jokes and even better modern art puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- We should start calling new jokes as modern jokes Like modern art if no one is getting it then it is a hit.
- Women are like modern art... They're hard to figure out, and we're not really sure if they even have a purpose.
- Karen visits an art gallery Karen: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon Ma'am, that is a mirror. - What is the most famous Pokemon in modern art? Pablo Pikachu
- How do you know you're in a modern art museum? If you need to ask if the bench is an art piece.
- What's the difference between Ikea and Lego? If I free build Ikea it would just be considered modern art.
- Yo mama so ugly She could be a modern art masterpiece.
FMJ REFERENCE - Did you hear about the modern art cell phone service? It comes with an unlimited Dada plan.
- Modern art.. I suppose this horrible looking
thing is what you call modern
art?
I beg your pardon
sir, that is a mirror! - In my job, I'm surrounded by f**..., rats and v**... all day long. I hate working in a modern art gallery.
Modern Family Jokes
Here is a list of funny modern family jokes and even better modern family puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book.
- Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'... And they're going to call it 'Modern Family.'
- Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you're William Hurt.
Modern family. - The White House is putting on a play adaptation of Modern Family. When asked which character he wanted to be, Obama said "Uhhh...let me be Claire."
Modern Warfare Jokes
Here is a list of funny modern warfare jokes and even better modern warfare puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq. They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.
- Marriage is kind of like modern warfare It's 90% waiting around,10% action, and 5 minutes feels like an hour
- Chuck Norris has 10 custom classes on Modern Warfare 2, and hes never prestiged.
Modern Christmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny modern christmas jokes and even better modern christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got a Kindle for Christmas that only lets me download modern sociology audiobooks. I think it speaks volumes on todays society.
Hilarious Fun Modern Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about modern you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean advanced jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make modern pranks.
ALEX TREBEK: This accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics
**ME:** *(spraying a mouthful of popcorn)* WHAT IS A DOORKNOB?!
An Amish family visits a mall...
...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".
I have no problems with buying tampons...
I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present.
(Jimmy Carr)
A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...
...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.
He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.
"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"
Moral decline of the modern world
Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.
"I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously, "Did you?"
"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"
Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day
Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
What's common to the cockpit of a modern fighter aircraft and the inside of a headhunter's hut?
The heads-up display
Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...
He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.
A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...
Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."
Modern Medical Humor
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness"
I failed my Cultural Studies exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world".
Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer.
Who is modern fiction's most notorious serial killer?
George R. R. Martin.
After much debate comparing early black communities to modern during all these officer related shootings
They have decided water hoses weren't so bad
LPT: if you're trying to study, don't listen to music with lyrics
Any modern pop-song should do.
Modern music is like the train
The same one leaves the station every hour
What's the difference between modern feminism and cancer?
If you have Cancer you die from it, if you have feminism others around you kill themselves.
What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?
"Technologically backward"
What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?
"Economically underdeveloped."
What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?
"America"
Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life
The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.
They don't make forks like they used to.
Modern plastic ware makes me miss the good old tines.
Modern economy vs the Titanic
Both heading in the same direction, but the game of musical chairs was more fun on the Titanic
Where do modern pirates store their treasure?
An *Arr*-chive.
Who's a modern pirate for the 21st century?
Neckbeard!
In a recent interview a few Germans were asked why they are celebrating Trump's election...
Their response: "For ze first time in modern history, ve will not be ze ones to start ze vworld vwar"
They say Napoleon got the shakes whenever he put on his uniform...
Modern scholars believe he may have had epaulettesy.
How are women and a modern computer similar?
Neither can do anything with a three and a half inch floppy.
An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV.
He asked, "What is that for?"
TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!
Sorry, wrong sub :(
The secret to making your computer a modern racist?
Hold Alt+R
What's the modern term for having dance fever?
Twerkberculosis
What do you get when you cross ancient Chinese philosophy with modern American derivatives markets?
Dao Jones.
Mummy DNA shows that the ancients don't have much in common with modern Egyptians
But at least they have Tutankhamun
Vatican to elevate pope Francis to sainthood-report
Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'
I'm building an app to help people fall asleep at night. It'll be recordings of straight white men talking about gender identity, cultural appropriation and modern racism...
Name of the app is White Noise.
What t**... group hates modern broadcast systems?
The Teleban
I am a modern man, I don't mind buying tampons.
But apparently, they are not a proper present
What is s**...?
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's s**...?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
Modern vs back then
Back then when the world started:reproducing is being successful
Now:NOT reproducing is being successful
Due to the negative connotation of the phrase "colored people" the NAACP is thinking about changing their name to reflect more modern terms like "African Americans"
But then they said NAAAA.
Two women are partners at a science laboratory
They both work together and create a breakthrough in modern science.
Their boyfriends receive this news while they are both at the bar together.
One boyfriend turns to the other and says,
"Dude, we're f**...' geniuses."
Isolation can be a serious problem for astronauts, I'm sure modern medicine has an effective treatment for these problems.
Just give the astronauts a capsule.
Our ancestors would be so jealous of modern dryers' lint traps
They had to get by on whatever they could capture in their belly b**...
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What do you call a famous director of modern noir cinema who is notorious for needing glasses and pulling apart his pizza rolls to cool them before eating?
Squintin' Tearin' 'Tino's
What happens when you play a modern country song, backwards?
Your truck fixes itself, your dog comes back to life, your girlfriend comes back to you, and your beer refills itself.
The "politically correct" culture has ruined the modern vernacular.
The other day, I asked a girl of she wanted to go back to my place and have gender.
Modern Turing Test: When calling a Customer Service, how do you know when you are talking to the robot, or the human worker?
The robot doesn't interrupt you as much.
With modern technology, we can put an AI into a pen with pigs. Then the pen has intelligence, and life forms
But sadly, no bacon.
Yo mama is so ugly.
Modern cannot explain her f**... structure.
Who from the Soviet Union made the most in development of modern surgery?
Mikhail Timofeyevich Kalashnikov.
In anti-Western cyberwarfare, you can always find the work of Putin.
In Modern Russia, the work of Putin always finds YOU!
Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...
I need to see some concrete evidence
You know when I was growing up I thought modern medicine would have cured everything.
I still can't believe it's nearly 1993 and they haven't found a cure for alzheimer's.
I Have No Problems Buying Tampons
For my girlfriend, I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" birthday present.
Modern food, I just don't get it.
I mean, Japanese-style batter and deep fry, I've no quarrel with that. But then they start applying this to these giant salt-water eels...
*O tempura! O morays!*
Modern Technology
Guys and gals. Think about it. While walking on a treadmill you could play Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Don't you love modern technology.
Modern Colonization
Veni Vidi Wifi
A critic walked up and down the aisles of a modern art exhibit.
He stopped before one particularly abstract work.
"What in the world is that supposed to be?" He wondered aloud.
"That," said the artist, "is *supposed* to be the Great Wall of China at sunset."
"Then why isn't it?" snapped the critic.
