Moderately Jokes

A mathematician comes home from a symposium to be met at the door by his furious wife.

"What's the big idea, coming home at three in the morning in this state?" she yells.
"Dear," says the moderately refreshed gentleman, "what time did I say I would be home?"
"Quarter of twelve, that's what you said!" screams the wife.
"...Well?" demands the mathematician.

A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar...

the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

Statement from the moderates regarding "The Darkening"

A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed

...just because I re-posted it.

Hillary and Trump tie in the election...

And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".