Mob Jokes
70 mob jokes and hilarious mob puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mob that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This funny article takes a lighthearted look at mob jokes, from Italian mob to Minecraft mobs. Laugh along with angry mobs, a crowd of Chinese Zedong fans and a hapless juggler!
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Funniest Mob Short Jokes
Short mob jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mob humour may include short crowd jokes also.
- A spy, an adulterer, and a guy who launders money for the Russian mob walk into a bar... The bartender says "What'll it be, Mr. President?"
- A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".
- Did you hear about the tortilla factory that had ties to the mob? Turns out it was a shell company.
- Mob bosses who date both men and women are tollerated in the Mafia... ... they let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.
- A mob boss and a mountain climber are sitting in a bar. The mob boss says "It's lonely at the top."
The mountain climber says "Of course it is; if you stay there too long you die." - The Middle East Where you have to chose between a genocidal dictator or an extremist mob.
(Well, except Turkey; they got it mostly together) - What do we want!? Megaphone holder: What do we want!?
Mob: EXTENDED DEADLINES FOR PROCRASTINATORS!
Megaphone holder: When do we want it?!
Mob: LATER! - Apparently there was a flash mob of lobbyists at the train station. Just out of nowhere the place got super packed.
- How did the mob threaten Santa for unpaid gambling debts? "Hey Santa, you're gonna pay deer, this is gonna sleigh you and then yule be sorry".
- A blonde woman files for devorce Against her cheating husband affiliated with the mob. She found out he was sleeping with the fishes.
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Mob One Liners
Which mob one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mob? I can suggest the ones about juggler and federal.
- What do you call an angry mob of sheep? Users with an old iPhone
- Why did the accordionist cross the road? To escape from the angry mob of bar patrons.
- What Makes Harry Potter a Great Mob Enforcer? He is the best at catching snitches.
- Have you heard the one about the angry mob? It's a riot.
- I slept like a rock At the bottom of the ocean with a mob boss attached to it
- How do mob boss mules open doors? With Don-keys.
- You can't beat the mob, They always kill the competition.
- What Would Jesus Do? ...get murdered by an angry mob.
- Did you hear about the the baker who was in the debt to the mob? He got iced.
- Why did the mob boss write an abusive text? To send a message.
- 9/10 people think that mobbing at work is okay...
- A serial killer, a mob boss and a priest walk into a bar It was very bizzare
- What does a mob boss do when he wants to win an award for his play? Rigatoni
- What do you call a mob of angry protesters that lost the vote? White Noise
- The angry, pitchfork-wielding mob actually has a lot of good points. u/phlux
Mob Boss Jokes
Here is a list of funny mob boss jokes and even better mob boss puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Mexican mob boss dies of laughter when a former Russian mercenary comes in to be recruited. What did he say to him? They call me Sergei, and I am yours comrade.
Angry Mob Jokes
Here is a list of funny angry mob jokes and even better angry mob puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have ever seen a bunch of people running through a mall to the stores to do Christmas shopping like an angry mob? Now that's the REAL Nightmare Before Christmas.
- My Great Grandpa nearly died in the holocaust! He was innocently doing his job when he was attacked by an angry mob! Turns out the gas chamber malfunctioned.
Minecraft Mob Jokes
Here is a list of funny minecraft mob jokes and even better minecraft mob puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where do mobs get high in Minecraft? In the Nether land.
Howlingly Hilarious Mob Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about mob you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean angry mob jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mob pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather
One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."
The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.
But a short while later, he receives another message. "s**... autocorrect. I meant wifi."
Joe is hiring a hitman from a well respected mafioso to kill his business partner.
The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?"
The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy."
"Insurance policy?"
"Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no longer afford to."
The mob boss sends two of his men to kill a gangster...
They park outside his house half an hour before his expected return, check their guns, and wait. Half an hour later, the gangster's not there. They keep waiting in silence, an hour passes - and he's not there. Time passes, and the target is still not home. Finally, one of the hitmen looks at the watch and says:
"We've been here for three hours, and he still ain't showed up."
"Jeez," the other hitman says, "I hope nothing happened to him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Say you're being attacked by a circus mob. What's the best strategy?
Go for the juggler.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you're attacked by a mob of angry clowns...
go for the juggler.
At first I didn't know an angry mob was outside my home because I only heard a polite knock on my door.
But when I discovered the truth of my predicament, I stayed as quiet as a mouse—quieter, even—and fortunately, after a short time, they all got bored and left.
Power to the peephole.
Did you hear that a mob boss was killed...
Did you hear that a mob boss was killed in a rice field by assailants wielding small figurines?
Police are saying it's the first recorded instance of a knick knack patty whack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Growing up in a family involved with the mob, I never quite understood what my mom meant when she said that dad was a made man
Until I walked in on him b**... the maid.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm not claiming my neighbor is in the mob, but...
There was a mole in my yard and I asked him to help me kill it.
He asked if it needed to look like an accident.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mob of p**... Smokers Overthrowing Government:
"This is a high coup!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you stop an angry mob of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard the mob are trying to promote i**... betting schemes around this year's Wimbledon...
It's a tennis racket!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did You hear about the Italian mob boss who had a famous Broadway star assassinated in an e**...?
He told his hit man to rigatoni.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting beaten to death by a mob of angry people wouldn't feel very good...
But all of that attention sure would.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a flash mob of crows?
Premeditated m**....
What do you call a sunburned m**... of crows?
1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a mob boss with an e**...?
Hard Don
The Mob
Hey, guess who has both thumbs and owes money to mafia.
*Gestures towards self with thumbs*
*Puts on a serious face* No one has both thumbs and owes money to the mafia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
me: What should I do about the cop?
Mob boss: Take care of him...
Me: Say no more
\[50 years later - my f**...\]
Cop: \[crying\] ...he... he was the light of my life
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got confused at my first flash mob.
Now I'm a registered s**... offender.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I read recently that the New York mob helped fund and protect the underground gay clubs in the 60s.
Guess you could call them the Free d**... Mafia
Did you guys hear about the mob of comedians?
It was a riot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you combine g**... with the mafia?
A flash mob
Little Tony was the son of a well respected Mob boss.
One day, the Mob boss decides he wants to test his son to see if the boy has what it takes to lead the family business. "Little Tony," he asks. "If you received stolen money, and you were looking for a place to hide it, where would you stash it so the cops could never get it?"
Little Tony thinks for a moment, then says, "I'd put it in a casino."
Delighted, the Mob Boss exclaims, "Magnificent answer! How did you know to launder your money through the casino?"
"Well," Little Tony says, "At school, we just learned the U.S. Constitution protects us from police conducting unreasonable searches in Caesar's.
It's a Mob boss' 80th birthday
Three henchmen gathered around to see what they should do for his 80th. One of the henchmen says
The boss is old, he hasn't seen many women.
Another henchman says
We should get him something super
The third henchman says
Maybe a stripper?
All of the henchmen say at once
A super-stripper! Great idea!
They all go to a exclusive club and they sit the boss down, the henchmen pitch their idea,
Hey boss, considering we are at a club and it's your 80th birthday, we got you a super-stripper!
The boss, who is hard of hearing, replies
A what?
The henchmen all yell
A SUPER-STRIPPER
The boss says back to all three henchmen,
I'll take the soup
