Moaning Jokes
45 moaning jokes and hilarious moaning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about moaning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious moaning jokes featuring Moaning Myrtle! Read through some funny jokes about this iconic Harry Potter character's ridiculous antics, from her naked cries to her constant moaner.
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Funniest Moaning Short Jokes
Short moaning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The moaning humour may include short moaned jokes also.
- My wife phoned me, panting and breathless. "Where are you?" she moaned.
"I'm at the pub." I replied.
She said, "I think the baby's coming!"
I said, "Well, he won't get in. He's underage." - My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick. I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.
- The baby Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this…
Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault. - Having a cat is just like having a girlfriend ... They both
* wail and moan when you neglect to feed them
* bite and scratch when you try to pet them
* keep escaping from the basement - My mum keeps moaning about the cost of things these days. £2.50 for a sandwich, £1.50 for coffee, £12.50 for a Sunday lunch.... So I say to her, look Mum, my house, my prices!
- why will you never hear a vegan moan in bed ? she'll never admit she's enjoying a piece of meat...
- I was playing a board game with my friends when I noticed some important pieces of the game were missing. I asked my friend, " Are you the game owner?"
He said, "I moan but I'm straight" - I put my ear to the bedroom door and heard my wife moaning and a male grunting. I never knew she was a ventriloquist.
- Pandas have finally started breeding together in captivity According to staffers, the place just suddenly erupted into panda-moan-ium
- I've been a father for three years and it's been a wonderful experience. I've learnt all about responsibility. But my son just keeps moaning "it's too late now" and "I'm 26 years old".
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Moaning One Liners
Which moaning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with moaning? I can suggest the ones about wailing and groan.
- Why did helen keller mastutbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other.
- How does a mummy attract a mate? Pharaoh moans.
- What does a vegan zombie moan? graaaiins...
- It can't be much fun being gay. Your friends are always moaning behind your back.
- When the moon moans..... You know the sun has gone down.
- Whats tiny and makes priests moan? Church attendance levels.
- Two paleontologists where moaning in a ditch One found a bone
- Why are sounds made by Egyptian mummies such a turn-on? They're pharaoh-moans.
- Why does your mummy turn me on so much? Pharaoh moans.
- Okay lets do this. *Cracks knuckles* Knuckles:* Moans *
- How did ancient Egyptian monarchs attract potential mates? By using their "pharoah-moans"
- Why did the miner moan when he struck gold? He was having an ore-gasm.
- Why do cats like Pharaohs? Because Pharaoh moans.
- What form of government do zombies have? A moan-archy.
- How did Egyptian kings communicate with their wives? They used their Pharaoh-moans.
Moaning Myrtle Jokes
Here is a list of funny moaning myrtle jokes and even better moaning myrtle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- [Harry Potter] What did Tom Riddle say to Myrtle before killing her ? Hey, do you want to see my huge snake that i have kept hidden ? Its sure to make you "moan".
![Moaning joke, [Harry Potter] What did Tom Riddle say to Myrtle before killing her ?](/images/jokes/moaning-jokes-why-did-helen-keller-mastutbate-with-one-handn-n-s.jpg "Moaning joke, [Harry Potter] What did Tom Riddle say to Myrtle before killing her ?")
Hilarious Fun Moaning Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about moaning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean screaming jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make moaning pranks.
A f**... service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
Suddenly, a faint moaning is heard from the casket. The casket is opened, and it is found that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
They have another f**... for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...
During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
A man moves into a haunted house
After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.
A burglar breaks into a house...
He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As the burglar continues his search he finds some electronics, but before he can stuff them in his bag he hears the voice again moaning "Jesus is watching you". This time the burglar takes a good look around the room he's in and realizes that there is a bird cage with a parrot in it. He walks up to the parrot and asks, "Did you say that?". The parrot stares at him for a second and replies "yes". The burglar realizes that the parrot is somewhat intelligent so he asks "What's your name?". The parrot squawks "Moses".
"What kinda guy names his parrot Moses?"
"The same kinda guy who names his vicious rottweiler Jesus"
A geneticist is having s**......
During foreplay, the geneticist's partner kept moaning "Aug, aug, AUG!"
The geneticist later proclaims, "I don't know where to start!"
I heard the woman in the apartment next door having s**... last night
She was moaning and groaning and they were thumping against the wall.
Turns out her mother had fallen and broken her hip and was hitting the wall with her cane for help.
Now I feel sorta bad for m**... so many times.
A Biker was working on his bike, when a blind woman walks up to him.
She says "I hear you're a biker? I love bikers, I'm going to give you the most pleasure you've ever had in your life."
The biker got excited and said "sure, go ahead!"
The next think he knew, she was moaning "oh yeah, you like that don't you?"
Confused, the biker looked around.
Turned out she was just yanking his chain.
The best part about owning a cat...
One of the best things about having a cat is that when you hear noises at night you can just think, "Oh, must be the cat," and go back to sleep. Why, just last night my cat dragged what must have been a large chain around the house moaning, "All who have desecrated this land must die." ...so cute.
A man had a terrible stomach ache and rushed into the restroom
A janitor walked into his moaning and groaning. Concerned, he knocked on the stall and asked:
"What's the matter?"
The man replied:
"Solid, liquid, gas... maybe even some plasma..."
Heard my neighbor having s**... for what seemed like ages last night. Lots of moaning, groaning and b**... the headboard off the wall!!!
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over, cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for her help. Now I kinda feel guilty about fapping.
Ooooh, I need a bike
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed n**... moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed n**... with a n**... guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down n**..., and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
I was very upset at the f**... the other day.
I started wailing and moaning and b**... on the coffin
In the end they opened it and let me out.
I think my college dorm is haunted.
Sometimes the ceiling shakes and I hear feint moaning.
You can tell a lot about a woman based on her voice.
If she's moaning, she probably likes you. PROBABLY.
I don't understand my wife, first she says "Yes, fine, have a tattoo!"
...and now she's moaning about the bagpipers in the garden!
My girlfriend called me daddy today
She later apologized for moaning somebody else's name
What does Halloween and Valentine's Day have in common?
A lot of spooky moaning.
Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
because she kept sitting on pinocchio's face moaning, "lie to me!"
Tonight millions of women will be moaning my name in ecstasy
It's a common name.
I walked into this dinner last week...
I walked into this dinner last week and immediately heard a woman screaming at her assumed boyfriend. I didn't really notice him until she got up from the table. That's when everyone noticed his loud moaning and his eyes were leaking like faucets . I suddenly felt somewhat sorry for the guy and couldn't stop thinking about him even now. I guess that just goes to show you should never break up with a girl when she's clenching two forks in her hands.
An American businessman was meeting with the managers of the Tokyo office.
His first night in town, he had a h**... come up to his hotel room. While they were engaging in s**..., the h**... kept squirming moaning, "Sung wa! Sung wa!" The businessman didn't know Japanese, but figured the h**... was really into him, and "Sung wa" must mean some expression of pleasure.
The next day, he and three of the managers were playing golf. In the middle of the round, one of the Japanese men shot a hole in one. The American shouted, "Sung wa!"
The Japanese man turned and said, "Wrong hole? What you mean 'wrong hole'?"
