mo Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious mo puns

For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...

Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

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The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

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By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]






Edit1: a typo


Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

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My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

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My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

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In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.

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A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.


The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
 

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

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"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

​

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Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*

Dad: *Clenches fist*

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: *Sweats Profusely*

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

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If having sex for money makes you a whore...

Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?

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Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

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My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

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My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

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I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!



The student has become the teacher.

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An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

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CAN THE ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS JUNK. HE IS OFFERING UP AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 8 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

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What's the difference between EA and my uncle?

My uncle didn't take my money when he fucked me.

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Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

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TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

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What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

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Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

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Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

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Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

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Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo momma.

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A little girl asks her mother, Mommy, how was I born?

Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.

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My girlfriend always takes long baths after we finish watching a Ryan gosling movie

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Ryan Gosling

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When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

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Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum

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If you masturbate after smoking marijuana....

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?










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I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .

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A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."

The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

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How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

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My girlfriend always takes long showers after watching movies starring Chris Pratt

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt.

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What are the most funny Mo jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mo? Well, here are the best Mo dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mo pick up lines to share with friends.

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