mix Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious mix puns

An English man, Welsh man and a Indian man walk are in a maternity hospital.

The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn't know who's baby is who's. The English man runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out. The Indian man looks relly confused and says "I'm pretty sure that's not your baby it looks Indian so it's mine". The English man says "I know, but there's not a chance in hell I'm leaving here with a baby that could be Welsh."

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What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to meeting the virgin Mary".

To which Clinton replies "You're about five minutes too late"

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What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water?

A religious movement.

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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

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I'm one of those people who thinks different races shouldn't mix

Which is why I don't participate in triathlons

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What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

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I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries

I call it my trail mix.

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I hate it when people mix up Your and You're.

Their so stupid.

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What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It's a relephant.

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What do you get when you mix LSD and a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids

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What do you get when you mix human DNA and Gorilla DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo.

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Not to brag, but I consider myself as a mix between Rambo and Einstein...

...I have Rambo's intelligence and Einstein's muscles.

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I had a big mix up at the store today.

Apparently when the clerk said strip down facing me, she was referring to my credit card.

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Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween?

DEC 25 == OCT 31

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My local cinema was robbed last night of £754.

The thieves took a bag of maltesers, a pick n mix and a large drink...

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What do you get when you mix a gullible and an optimistic person

Read it again

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What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA?

Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters.

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Remember alcohol and calculus dont mix

So don't drink and derive

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I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...

Anybody got a punch line?

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Drugs are not a solution!

Until you mix them with water

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Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday

We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.

"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...

...wasn't the captains fault,

...definitely wasn't my fault,

...it was the asphalt."

The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.

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I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters accidentally and your whole joke is urined.

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Polyamory is wrong!

You can't mix Greek and Latin roots.
It's either Multiamory or Polyphilia.

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Do you know what I call my hiking playlist?

My trail mix

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What do you get when you mix Viagra with Disney World?

Kicked out.

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Why do engineers mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31=DEC 25

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A flight from Dublin to Boston

Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".

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e^x, x and x^2 went to a party.

x and x^2 noticed e^x has been standing in the same corner since they arrived.

x asked "Why don't you go mix in with the crowd?"

e^x replied "Well, no matter how much I integrate it's still the same!"

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Second chances.

A priest whos sin is lust, A thief whos sin is greed, and a fat kid whos sin is gluttony, are all standing at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells them that there has been a mix up in schedules and only 2 of them should have died. Because of their sins they are all bound for hell. but St peter offers them a second chance. He will send them back to earth and they will live as long as they don't indulge is their favorite sin. Before they go back to earth they are told the last person who does not indulge in his deadly vice will get to remain on earth until they die of old age.

Within five minutes of being on earth the thief spots a women not paying attention to her purse. He snatched the purse and starts running. *poof* he is sent to hell leaving behind the spilled content of the purse.

The fat kid sees the spilled contents of the purse and there lying on the ground is a king size candy bar. Unable to resist he bends over to pick up the candy bar and *poof* the priest is sent to hell.

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What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?

Tequila mockingbird

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What do you get when you mix liquor and literature....

Tequila Mockingbird

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What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

(Also Ernest Hemingway, but that's beside the point)

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A german mom, a french mom, and a russian mom all just had a baby in the same hospital...

A nurse gathers them all up and tells them that there has been a mix up and maybe they can ID which baby is theirs. The german mom says, "I'll go first. HAIL HITLER." One of the babys does a Hitler salute so she takes her baby and leaves. Then the russian mom picks up a baby. The french mom asks, "How do you know that baby is yours?" The russian mom replies, "Because when the german said hail Hitler the other baby was the only one that shit itself."

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Did you hear NASCAR and Formula One we're trying to make an Ultimate Showdown race but it got cancelled due to controversy?

Apparently NASCAR fans didn't want to mix the races....

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What are the most funny Mix jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mix? Well, here are the best Mix dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mix pick up lines to share with friends.

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