Mitzvah Jokes
39 mitzvah jokes and hilarious mitzvah puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mitzvah that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a way to add some levity to your bar or bat mitzvah celebration? Check out these mitzvah jokes that are sure to get a laugh from your guests!
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Funniest Mitzvah Short Jokes
Short mitzvah jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mitzvah humour may include short kosher jokes also.
- TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower.
- Did you hear about the riot at the bar mitzvah reception? There were mazel tov cocktails everywhere!
- Did you know Albert Einstein was also known on weekends as a clean-music-only bar mitzvah DJ? Yeah, he went by the name MC Square.
- I got to my bar mitzvah late The rabbi decided to cut it short
- Where does a Jewish farmer become a man? At his Barn Mitzvah
- If Bruce Wayne was Jewish, would he have had a bar mitzvah or a bat mitzvah?
- A Jewish dad walks into a bar mitzvah.
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edited to add the missing z - What did the Jewish sun celebrate when he came of age? His star-mitzvah. (Forgive me)
- Man walks into a bar... mitzvah. There was no beer so he left lol
- As of now, I only know of three Jewish holidays: Hanukkah
The Bar Mitzvah
The Oscars
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Mitzvah One Liners
Which mitzvah one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mitzvah? I can suggest the ones about ceremony and yom kippur.
- a Rabbi, an accountant, a banker, and a doctor walk into a bar mitzvah
- How do you know Robin’s really a Jewish girl? She had a bat-mitzvah.
- At what point does a lamb become a Sheep? When its had it's Baaaaa-Mitzvah!
- A German man walks into a bar... mitzvah and arrests every body.
- What do you sing at a twins bat mitzvah? Happy birthday two Jews
- 2 Jews walk into a bar... mitzvah
- I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight Turns out it was a bar mitzvah
- How does a Bat Girl become a Bat Woman? She has a Bat Mitzvah
- \ \ What did the clam say \ \ at his nephew's bar mitzvah? \ \ Mollusktov Shellhome! \ \
- A Jewish lawyer lost his job He celebrated the occasion with a disbar-mitzvah
- a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar… …mitzvah. The priest was the rabbi's Plus One.
- What did the Russian Jew throw at his bar mitzvah? Mazel tov cocktails
- My buddy had his first Banh mi... We threw him a banh mitzvah.
- Where do men go for vacation after their bar mitzvah? Jew-bouti
- What does a rich Iraqi say at a bar mitzvah? Mosul Toff!
Gather Around for Fun Mitzvah Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about mitzvah you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wedding ceremony jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mitzvah pranks.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Chrsitian."
"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.
"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?"
He said, "Funny you should come to me..."
A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall
They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews, love and empathy between Israel and Palestine"
" and how do you feel about praying for these things for half a century?"
"like arguing with a wall" he replies.
Dog Bar Mitzvah
A man walks into a synagogue with his dog. He goes up to the Rabbi and he says.
Man: Rabbi, I want my dog to have a Bar Mitzvah and I want to do it here
Rabbi: What are you, crazy? We can't do that!
Man: Please, I'll do anything
Rabbi: No, it can't be done
Man: Rabbi, I don't think you understand, I'm willing to donate $20,000 to this synagogue
Rabbi: Why didn't you tell me your dog was Jewish?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar...
...mitzvah, the Jew is showing the Muslim around and teaching him about their culture, the Muslim turns to the Jew and says "This is very nice, but the air is stagnant in here" the Jew thinks for a moment and asks "yes, we're in an indoor banquet hall and the windows are closed, it seems normal to me" to which the Muslim replies "Very strange, I was raised to believe that Jews always had a bris"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was h**...'s favorite bar?
Bar Mitzvah
A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it.
Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he's decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?
The rabbi strokes his beard and says, Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.
What did you do? asked the man of the rabbi.
I turned to God for the answer, replied the rabbi.
What did he say? asked the man.
He said, Funny you should come to me...
A Jewish father was troubled...
A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah, it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?" asked the father.
"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?" pressed the father.
"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... walks into a bar
Mitzvah
