Mistake Jokes
165 mistake jokes and hilarious mistake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mistake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes about mistakes! From children being born a mistake to hiccups and spelling mistakes, these quirky jokes will bring a smile to your face and disregard the mishaps of life. Get the balm of laughter with these mistake jokes!
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Funniest Mistake Short Jokes
Short mistake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mistake humour may include short mistook jokes also.
- How do you know a redditor is not a native english speaker? They'll apologize for potential mistakes after 10 paragraphs of perfect english
- Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago? I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night
- I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.
- I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat... But two Hobbits just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.
- One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
- I'm being attacked by Russian hacker! Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
- The other day my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I passed her glue by mistake She still isn't talking to me
- Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
- Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen? Me: We have the same teacher.
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Mistake One Liners
Which mistake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mistake? I can suggest the ones about misunderstanding and accidentally.
- My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice Must be why I'm an only child
- I named my eraser confidence... Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make
- I told my dad to embrace his mistakes He gave me a hug
- I told my wife she needed to start embracing her mistakes. So she gave me a hug.
- I think it's a mistake to call childbirth delivery. It should be called takeout instead.
- I told my mom "Make me" She said "I'm not going to make the same mistake twice"
- I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday... I made a grave mistake.
- What do you call a body that's been buried in the wrong tomb? A grave mistake.
- What I want written on my tombstone: "Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"
- My girlfriend told me to man up and embrace my mistakes I hugged her.
- I bought a gallon of Wite-Out the other day.... Big mistake.
- Which blood type was created by mistake? Type O.
- I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- What do you call it when a kid teaches their parents? Learning from your mistakes.
- What do actors do when they make a mistake? They react.
Spelling Mistake Jokes
Here is a list of funny spelling mistake jokes and even better spelling mistake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One spelling mistake can destroy your marriage, a husband sent a text to his wife reading I'm having a wonderful time, I wish you was her.
- I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes... My personal spell Czech.
- If you ever feel as thought nobody cares about what you do Just post something with a spelling mistake in it.
- There's two typos of people in this world, those who notice spelling mistakes, and those who don't.
- There's two forms of English. The Queen's English, and spelling mistakes.
- All the Americans shouldnt move to Canada but Mexiko instead that way they would atleast have a wall between them and Trump
(sorry for any possible spelling or gramar mistakes) - I make spelling mistakes alot and when I say alot I mean a lot.
- What do you call a spelling mistake on a map? A topographical error.
- Why are blood bank workers so good at correcting spelling mistakes? Because they see typos every day.
- I don't make spelling mistakes, it's in my blood I'm typo negative
Mistake Child Jokes
Here is a list of funny mistake child jokes and even better mistake child puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad always tells me he never makes the same mistake twice. That's why I am the only child.
- I hear that you're supposed to learn from your mistakes Probably why I'm an only child.
- I'm the only child in my family. My mom said she learns from her mistakes.
- Life teachings Q: What do you call it when your child teaches you something they are interested in?
A: Learning from your mistakes. - What do you call an unplanned child? A foetal mistake.
- What's the difference between a child and a CEO? When a child makes a mistake, they can still be taught to sincerely apologize.
- If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
Biggest Mistake Jokes
Here is a list of funny biggest mistake jokes and even better biggest mistake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How to get a job... Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?"
Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes"
Interviewer: "Oh, why's that?"
Interviewee: "I never make any" - I got a girl pregnant in high school. Her son grew to be 6 foot 7 (200 cm). Biggest mistake I ever made.
- My friend got a girl pregnant when they were in high school. Their son grew to be 6 feet 7 inches tall. Biggest mistake they ever made.
- What city has the biggest amount of mistakes per capita? Uppsala
- Jared's biggest mistake Do you know what Jared's biggest mistake was?
Losing enough weight to where could actually catch the little fellas - i asked my grandpa what was one of his biggest mistakes he wish he could take back he pointed at my grandma then at me then he left.
- What was the biggest mistake of the Bush administration? Not pulling out
- A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian he thought was o**... bin Laden. Even though it was a mistake, it still ranks as France's biggest military victory.
Birth Mistake Jokes
Here is a list of funny birth mistake jokes and even better birth mistake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad has a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes. He calls it my birth certificate.
- Learn from your parents mistakes... Use birth control
- A woman at the store. Today I saw a woman at the store. She was buying both diapers and birth control. I just had to ask her out, because I love a woman that learns from her mistakes.
- A Woman just gave birth to twins She turns to her husband and says, "Honey, we've made mistakes"
Your A Mistake Jokes
Here is a list of funny your a mistake jokes and even better your a mistake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My best friend turned his back on me when I told him I was gay... That was his first mistake ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
- The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
Credit. The Joke cafe - I told my dad to embrace his mistakes... I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried.
Then he hugged me and my brother. - A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
- People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them "By mistake?"
"Oh come on.. Not you as well" - I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to buy meat for them. He asked: "By mistake?"
I said: "Oh come on, not you too!" - My wife asked me My wife asked me to pass her lipbalm & I gave her superglue by mistake.
She's still not talking to me - Bad news. I got fired from my job at the bank today. I mean, it was an easy mistake... An elderly woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding. He's not happy about it either.
- I made a huge mistake I took my girlfriend to subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.
Amusing Mistake Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about mistake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean misread jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mistake pranks.
Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because if they didn't, people would mistake them for feminists.
I haven't worked out since...
I haven't worked out since that one time I tried to reach for a bag of chips at the foot of the bed and did a sit-up by mistake.
That wasn't the joke. The joke is my life.
Anyone there?
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away:
"Hello! We're down here..."
Today my friend met Chewbacca...
...she said he was "A big s**... fur ball." So he picked her up ripped of her arms and threw her out of a window. I mean everyone knows not to insult Chewbacca like that.
She made a Wookie Mistake.
Dr joke I just made up
A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
Ending It All
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left n**....
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
Whose point is it anyway?
A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven . . .
"There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 49."
"49?" says St. Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 83."
"How did you figure that?" the lawyer asks.
"We added up your time sheets," answered St. Peter.
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
I accidentally went to Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca...
It was a Wookie mistake
Asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise..
I just asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer. He said his ancestors made that same mistake and he's not falling for it.
A nurse walks into a bank...
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some a**...'s got my pen."
Two men and two women are on a train.
There is a mother and daughter on their way to have a holiday, and there is an old general and his valet, a young sergeant. The train goes through a tunnel, and everything is dark. There is a *mwsshk!* and a *s**...!* and the train leaves the tunnel.
The mother thinks, "that young man stole a kiss from my daughter and got slapped for it!"
The daughter thinks, "that young man tried to kiss me, and kissed my mother by mistake!"
The general thinks, "that upstart pup steals a kiss and I get slapped for it."
The sergeant thinks, "not bad! I just kiss my hand and get to slap the general, and here comes another tunnel!"
Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again,I'm coming to live with you."
Mom replied, no no my daughter, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you.
I bought a 5 gallon drum of correction fluid the other day.
Big mistake.
Programming is like s**....
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Did you know Chewbacca got a girl pregnant the first time he had s**...
It was a Wookie mistake
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
A doctor walks into a bank.
Preparing to endorse a check, he pulls a r**... thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tries to 'write' with it.
Realizing his mistake, he looks at the thermometer with annoyance and says, "Well that's great, just great...some a**...'s got my pen."
My wife asked me "will you marry someone else if I die?". " Of course not ", I said.
"I'm not doing the same mistake twice"
Saudi TV Mistake
Saudi Arabia TV reported the Brussels attack 15 minutes earlier than it actually happened. Saudi TV sincerely apologizes for this innocent mistake.
A flight from Dublin to Boston
Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".
What do you call a typo on a tombstone
A grave mistake.
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
I taught my parents something today...
...I guess they learned from their mistake
Today i made a mistake while sewing.
Oops, wrong thread.
Programming is like s**...
One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.
My wife told me I had to give up drinking
So I joined the AA.
Unfortunately, I joined the Automobile Association by mistake.
At least either way I'm on the road to recovery.
Lip Balm To My Wife
Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me.
Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.'
We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
My wife always asks me: if she dies, will I remarry? And I say don't be silly honey...
I never make the same mistake twice.
How do you cover a doctor's mistake?
With soil.
A hunter went out on a hunting trip. He took his sons cigarettes by mistake.
He had an excellent day. He shot 2 bucks, a boar, a black bear, and a unicorn.
When the Saudi police tackled me after I stole something from the market…
…I instantly realised my mistake when I shouted, "Unhand me!"
My first name is Greatest, last name Ever
Middle name "Mistake"
If a arm covered in tattoos is called a "sleeve", what do you call a full body covered in tattoos?
A mistake.
I made one little mistake 8 years ago and my wife still won't let it go.
She always forces me to go back to the park and pick him up.
I mistakenly thought there were 11 ants illegally squatting in an apartment
Turns out they were ten-ants.
What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place?
I've made a grave mistake.
What do you call a case of p**... burial?
A grave mistake.
The first time I played chess, I thought the castles moved diagonally.
Rookie mistake.
Today morgue employee got cremated by mistake while taking a nap...
I guess two people got fired that day!
Had my medical license revoked today.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
What do you get when you combine a mommy and a daddy?
I don't know, but my dad said it's a mistake.
How many people does it take to make a mistake?
In your case, two.
My dad always called me "Pancake"
He said it was "Because the first one is always a mistake."
Proctologist walks into a bank
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to sign a deposit slip, he pulled a r**... thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some a**...'s got my pen!"
The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I'm buying a giant tub of whiteout.
Big mistake.
A man who recogizes his mistakes when wrong is wise. A man that recognizes his mistake when he is right is...
Married.
I woke up grumpy this morning
That was a mistake, I should've just let her sleep
A man committed a m**..., and he made the mistake of dragging the body across a freshly-paved sidewalk.
He was easily convicted. There was concrete evidence
The first time Chewbacca tried to fly a ship, he pulled gear lever instead of break lever.
A Wookie mistake.
Sick chihuahua
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
This must be a mistake, the man says. I've been here only 20 minutes!
No mistake, the doctor says. It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.
Here's a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy?
A mistake
- I don't know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot.
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**...."
A husband asks his wife, 'Honey, can you tell me anything that makes me happy and sad at the same time?
The wife thinks for a moment and says, 'Of all your friend's, yours is the biggest one'
(Sorry if I made any mistake, I tried to translate it from my mother tongue)
I think it was a mistake to call childbirth delivery .
It should have been called takeout instead.
I dared to ask my wife why she's buying a giant tub of Whiteout from the store.
Big mistake.
