Missus Jokes

Funniest Missus Short Jokes

Short missus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The missus humour may include short madam jokes also.

1. My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix.
2. What did the cannibal say to his co-worker? You should stop by later. The missus and I are having people for dinner.
3. What's the difference betweena tank top and a wife beater? A tank top shoots missiles, and a wife beater shoots missus.
4. I call my Missus's mimsy 'The Tardis' Not because it's bigger inside than I expected. It's just that she's had several dozen companions and at least one dog in there.
5. Missus and I splitting. I blame her new job. Ever since she started at EA, our definitions of "exclusive" have really diverged.
6. I suggested to my missus that I was her birthday present. She said she hoped I kept the receipt.
7. My Missus wanted a cat, I don't really like cats, so we compromised. We now have 3 cats ..
8. My girlfriend and I had to leave the restaurant early today due to insensitive people calling me a nonce and peadophile all because I'm 33 and my missus is 16. It totally ruined our 10yr anniversary.
9. The missus has threatened to leave me unless I stop drinking. Which is ironic, given she is the reason I drink.
10. I decided to get a toupee. But I know my missus is not keen on the idea, so for now I'm going to keep it under my hat.

Share These Missus Jokes With Friends

Missus One Liners

Which missus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with missus? I can suggest the ones about mr mrs and mister.

1. My missus asked me where her Valentine's day card was. I said, "Sorry, I had a headache."
2. I told my missus that I was thinking about a career in comedy. She laughed.
3. The missus wore a right slinky number last night! Looked amazing coming down the stairs!
4. Just sold the missus on eBay. Well actually I sold a big box. The rest is a surprise.
5. Who did Mister Hippie marry? Missus Hippie!
6. My missus said my love was suffocating.
7. The missus and I shared a tender moment today. Thanks to our new slow cooker.
8. The missus wants to go and see that new film about woman's rights. I said she can't.
9. What is a missus best known for? Their hands-on experience
10. I'd like to drown my sorrows but my missus doesn't go near water.
11. My missus has a punctuation f**... Whenever she has a period, I get to use the colon.

My Missus Jokes

Here is a list of funny my missus jokes and even better my missus puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I have been married 38 years but have never been very romantic, so this Valentines night I am going to change, I have booked a table for two for me and the missus. Just hope she likes snooker.
• I bought my missus a beauty face mask for her birthday. It says to leave on for 3 hours. That's the longest I could find.
• Man enters pub Sees his friend and mentions to him, missus's away in the Caribbean
  Friend asks; Jamaica?
  Man replies; no, she went of her own accord
• Two dogs walking down the road First dog says to the second do you use a rubber when you make love to your missus?
  Second dog says Durex
  First dog says no, I asked you first
• I used to be confused because we abbreviate "missus" as mrs... Until I realized we just took out the apostraphe from mr's.
• Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week... Took her to the fair last night and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

Charming Humor Missus Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about missus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sir madam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make missus pranks.