Missionary Position Jokes

Following is our collection of puns and one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Missionary Position jokes for adults, dirty jokes and clean dad gags for kids.

The Best Missionary Position Puns

So I applied for a random volunteer job at my church

I really hope I get the missionary position

Why did the church hire a prostitute?

Her rΓ©sumΓ© said "missionary position"

A pastor was accused of sexual misconduct

When interrogated by police, he said "I don't understand, she gave consent...I asked if she'd volunteer for a missionary position and she enthusiastically accepted."

Missionary Position joke, A pastor was accused of sexual misconduct

My wife's favorite position is the missionary position. That's when she's on her back in bed...

and I'm in Africa.

Why did the prostitute join the Mormon church?

She wanted a high paying missionary position.


My wife says if we get 1000 upvotes we can have sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation

2000 and she'll let me do it with the lights on

What do you call the act of turning over in bed to switch from the missionary position to doggy style?

A sexual revolution.

Missionary Position joke, What do you call the act of turning over in bed to switch from the missionary position to doggy styl

Three women went to see the OB/GYN

The Brunette came out and said, "We had sex in the missionary position, and we're going to have a boy!"

The Redhead came out and said, "We had sex in the cowgirl position, and we're having a girl!"

The Blonde started sobbing as she stood to go in. Between sobs, she said, "Oh no! We're having puppies!"

I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps.

.. do you wanna help me verify this?

How much does it cost to have sex with a male deer in the missionary position?

Under a buck

Why do you call it a missionary position?

Because the missionaries spread it


The Metro Church of Christ published a circular

The circular says: Bored? Try a missionary position.

Are you looking for work spreading the word of Jesus?

Because I can offer you the missionary position.

How do you have sex with a nun?

You put her in missionary position.

How does a nun like to have sex?

In the missionary position.

What was the name of the Pope's official stance on interracial marriage during Colonial times?

The Missionary Position.

Missionary Position joke, What was the name of the Pope's official stance on interracial marriage during Colonial times?

This is the sickest train joke I know. Be warned.

Bruce was meant to meet his friend in a bar at midday.
12:30pm, 1pm, then 1:30pm rolls around. Just as Bruce was about to give up, his friend finally strolls in with dishevelled hair and a smug grin, "Sorry I'm late mate, you won't believe what happened to me just then..."
"What?"
"Well, I was walking here alongside the train tracks when I spot this lovely lady lying down with her skirt hitched up....we ended up making love missionary position, doggy style, pile driver...you name it. We did it. It was too good an opportunity to miss and the most amazing sex of my life."
"Did she give you a head job?"
"Nah, couldn't find the head."

A young man becomes a born again Christian after reading a religious flyer at his college.

He doesn't initially tell his girlfriend, justifying the embarrassment as natural to any young infant in the faith. But in the following weeks his commitment escalates dramatically, and he takes up a position as a Christian missionary to Uganda.
One day the dreaded phone call wakes him up. Observing the name a few moments as the device vibrates with a strangely irritated tone, he hastily prepares what he will say to his girlfriend.
Hi Susie, he blurts. I can't see you anymore. I'm in a missionary position.

My best joke in 40 year of joke telling

A woman goes to her doctor for a check up. During the post check up consult the doctor says
Mrs. Jones you are in very good health but, I couldn't help but notice the abrasions on your elbows and knees. Can you tell me what is causing them?

Sheepishly she responds Maybe it is because I like to make love doggie style

Well,, perhaps if you do it in the missionary position for a few weeks it will alive the abrasion

She says I tried that but I can't stand the dog's breath .


A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating.


The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.
The father replied, β€œWell, son, they’re making a puppy.”

The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water.
Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position.
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
The dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, β€œWell, son, we are making you a little brother.”
The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”

A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?"
And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed."
"Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?"
And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make."
"And what is the name of this position?"
"You know, imagine the missionary position."

Rodeo Position

Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old missionary position the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off doggie style, behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.

A young Hasidic couple goes for pre-marital counseling...

The rabbi sits them down and says, "I want you to know that almost everything in our religion between a man and a woman is permitted, with the exception of dancing. There will be no dancing between a man and a woman."

A bit surprised, the couple looks at each other, and the groom asks the rabbi, "Well, what about sex, can we talk about sex?" The rabbi says, "Sure."

The future bride asks, "Positions...is missionary position OK?'

Rabbi: Of course it is.

Groom: What about woman on top?

Rabbi: "Knock yourself out, kids."

Bride: "And standing position?"

Rabbi: Absolutely not! That could lead to dancing.

I'm not a fan of the missionary position...

But doggy style? Now that's a position I can get behind.

There is an abundance of jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 24 funniest jokes and missionary position puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any witze you can hear about missionary position.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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