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Mission Jokes

122 mission jokes and hilarious mission puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mission that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover an out-of-this-world collection of jokes about all things ‘mission’ related - from mission impossible to mission trips to mission statements and so much more! Discover the perfect joke to spice up your next gathering and have everyone laughing in no time.

Funniest Mission Short Jokes

Short mission jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mission humour may include short goal jokes also.

  1. 007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle. His orders are to, "bond James, bond".
  2. I recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control... I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.
  3. I'm an auto mechanic... So I can safely say I don't understand the gay agenda.
    But I do understand the Trans mission.
  4. We should have sent the Opportunity rover to Iraq since its original mission was supposed to be 3 months but then it kept going for 14 years for no good reason
  5. Why was the mechanic rewarded with a "LGBTQ SUPPORT" Award? Because they help with your trans-mission
  6. This week a team at NASA announced a mission to land a probe on the sun To avoid the extreme heat of the sun, they explained, the probe will land at night.
  7. On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn't last very long. The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.
  8. Why did Gandalf opt to send Frodo, of all beings, on the most perilous mission Middle-Earth had ever known? Force of hobbit.
  9. You guys have got it all wrong, this is definitely a "peacekeeping mission". As in Putin wants to keep a piece of Ukraine.
  10. The entire crew of the first manned mission to jupiter died upon reaching the planet... I guess nobody quite understood the gravity of the situation.

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Mission One Liners

Which mission one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mission? I can suggest the ones about purpose and quest.

  1. How do astronauts make sure their mission goes smoothly? They planet.
  2. Japan's worst kamikaze pilot He flew over 25 missions
  3. Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica? Their journey went south.
  4. What's the necrophiliacs' mission statement? We put the D in dead.
  5. What do you call a plane on a secret mission? In disguise.
  6. Pregnancy is like a black ops mission They're both expensive to abort.
  7. All cars support LGBT community. Afterall, they all have a trans mission.
  8. What do you call a group of cows robbing a skyscraper? A high-steaks mission.
  9. How do you sabotage a space mission ? Send Matt Damon
  10. How does NASA organize their missions. They Planet.
  11. How do you call an exploration mission to uranus Colonoscopy
  12. What is a dog's favorite spy movie? Mission im-paw-sible
  13. What does NASA do before every mission? Planet.
  14. What does Batman say when he fails his mission? Gotham it.
  15. Every 3 seconds a woman has a baby Our mission is to find this woman and stop her.

Manned Mission Jokes

Here is a list of funny manned mission jokes and even better manned mission puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A guy interviews a man on the street Low Gas Prices or Protect Trans-Rights?
    Low Gas Prices
    Why?
    Because It's better for the Trans-mission
  • Mexico is sending a man to the moon! its a Juan man mission
  • On a manned mission to a gas giant, what would be the most important thing to say? "Excuse me".
  • Your partner for this mission is the man you'll need in the unlikely event things go badly. Justin Case
  • Man, my Grandfather was such a great pilot. He returned from almost 15 Kamikaze missions! God bless him
  • What did the group of friends say to the gay man? Tango Down. Mission Accomplished.

Mission Impossible Jokes

Here is a list of funny mission impossible jokes and even better mission impossible puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Your mama so fat... I was gunna make a movie about her - around your mum In 80 days but I changed it to mission impossible .
  • I saw Mission Impossible: Fallout yesterday. It's probably the longest iPhone commercial I'll ever watch.
  • I found a copy of Mission Impossible 3 among my blu-rays the other day... I thought to myself: 'It's not really impossible if he's already done it twice."
  • Tom cruise is underrated. Why?
    Because the mission was impossible and he pulled it off....like 3 times
  • Mission: Impossible 5 Rogue Nation Streaming VF VOSTFR
  • {{NEW SITE HAI}} Watch Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation Online Free Petlocker
  • Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation revealed [Spoilers] It is possible
  • Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible.
    He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
  • {##}Mission: Impossible 5 Rogue Nation Film en Streaming VF Gratuit
  • What the japanese version of mission impossible? Miso impossible
Mission joke, What the japanese version of mission impossible?

Mission Statement Jokes

Here is a list of funny mission statement jokes and even better mission statement puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Trump's new EPA chief just released a slight tweak to the EPA mission statement The EPA is now switching gears from protecting the environment to protecting us from the environment.
  • Google fiber mission statement Bringing you a more regular internet.
  • Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.

Mission Trip Jokes

Here is a list of funny mission trip jokes and even better mission trip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Church of Scientology does many mission trips. I mean heck, Tom Cruise has been on 5 missions already!
  • Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got l**... and l**... mixed up? Instead of going on a trip, he went on a mission.
Mission joke, Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got l**... and l**... mixed up?

Unearthly Funniest Mission Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about mission you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean venture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mission pranks.

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's s**.... They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, s**... Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a j**... lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a j**... lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.
It was a herd shot round the world.

The Polish Astronauts.

Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?
Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"
The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.
We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.
Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.

An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...

An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"

Be Careful Doing Drugs in Utah

I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my l**... mixed up with l**..., and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.

Two Missionaries...

Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.
Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions.
They reached a pass where only one was able to ascend at a time. As the first man cleared the pass, he was immediately set upon by the natives. They took his large pack, pulled the large bunch of bananas out, and distributed them amongst themselves.
The natives began a strange ritual that involved shoving the bananas into their rectums and dancing about in a manner similar to the Māori Haka.
At first, the m**... was horrified by what he saw but he started to giggle and then broke into an hysterical cackle.
The dancings stopped and the leader said, "Why you laugh?"
The m**... said, "my friend is coming with pineapples!"

¾ of the A-Team have just launched a valiant rescue mission

I heard they were just trying to save Face after their last failure, though.

What did NASA give the astronaut for having such a successful mission?

Spacial recognition.

What did the hipster astronaut say when his space mission arrived at the Sun?

Not cool.

what's it called when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman going down multiple flights of stairs?

Conda sending condecending con decending

Polish Space Program

The polish space program recently revealed to the UN that they were preparing to attempt the first manned space mission to the surface of the sun. When asked how they were going to accomplish this feat they answered, "We are going at night".

What does a tweaker and a Jehovah's Witness have in common?

Both ride bicycles and are on a mission.

NASA decides to send up an all-female crew for their next shuttle mission...

"Houston, we have a problem."
"What's the problem?"
"Nothing. Nevermind."
"Repeat, what is the nature of the problem?"
"It's fine, whatever."

Why did Dory warn Nemo about escaping through the toilet?

Because it was a sewer side mission!

After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:

"We'll tear your Seoul apart"

What do you call a Hispanic guy's quest to get gender reassignment surgery?

Manuel Trans Mission

Why did no gay people go on the mission to colonize Mars' moons?

Too many homophobos.

A m**... came to my door asking if I could help with the floods in India.

I said sure, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.

My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed.

His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Sorry Gene. We still love you.

A m**... noticed a particularly happy cannibal

m**...: Joe, you look unusually cheery today.
CannibalJoe: Today wife gave me head

s**... with me Is like the Challenger Mission

It Killed a teachers career

An al-Qaeda s**... bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

What do you call a covert assasination mission carried out by North Korea in another country?

A heart attack

I was on a secret mission to pull down some pants.

My superiors expected a full debriefing.

Did you hear about the astronaut who broke up with his girlfriend before a mission?

He said, "I just need a little space."

"We're happy to announce NASA's newest mission will allow us to LITERALLY touch our own Sun!"

"Before we continue, please welcome our strangely-excited sponsors, the Catholic Church!"

Between the Coffee and the c**...

I think it's colombia's mission to keep the world awake.

The Sun Mission

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night". The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV. When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!

What did the crew of the International Space Station say to Mission Control?

Houston, you have a problem.

m**... in the jungle

A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

What's the difference between the planet Earth and a soldier in the trenches?

One's got gas emission, the other has a gassy mission.

What is it called when a group of transgendered people have a specific goal?

A trans mission

What do Missionaries drive?

Convertibles.

So a p**... offered me to do anything for 500 bucks..

I asked her to complete the remote helicopter mission in the GTA Vice City

Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)

A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".

The other day, I'm checking my buddy's engine

Out of nowhere, he tells me about the journey he took to find the woman he felt was inside him all along. But after a day of wearing make-up and a sundress, he knew it didn't feel right. And that's when I discovered his faulty trans mission.

James Bond is on a mission to the white house

007: Q!
Q: Yes sir
007: Do you have the package?
Q: Yes sir! It's armed and ready
007: Good. Now do you have a marker on you
Q: Uhh sure here
007: thanks
*writes on package: From Russia with Love*
007: He'll never suspect a thing

Spy

A spy is getting instructions for his mission: You will parachute in a field behind the enemy lines. By the field there is a shack by a road. Behind the shack there is bicycle. Ride the bicycle 10 miles north and you will be in a village where you will meet your contact at the local tavern. He will give further information.
That evening the spy is dropped from the airplane. The parachute doesn't open. The spy complains: I bet there is no bicycle either .

Last night while shopping at the local MegaLoMart

we bought 2 dozen eggs. The cashier put both in the same bag. Of course, I responded "Please put those is separate bags. I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket." My wife, son and the cashier all gave me the eye roll. Mission accomplished.

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

Where do s**... b**... go after their mission?

Everywhere.

Three men apply for a spy position

Three men apply for a spy position.
Its the final test
Interviewer: "I have your SO in this room. Your mission is to kill them. Here's a gun."
First candidate: " You can't be serious?"
Interviewer: " Then this job is not for you."
Second candidate comes out 5 minutes later: "I can't do this."
Interviewer hears shots fired, screaming and b**... in the last room.
Last candidate: "The gun just had blanks. I had to beat her with the chair."

Afghanistan is sending 1200 troops to Washington D.C.

on a mission to secure the fragile democracy.

What's the most intense moment in history?

When the mission to take the first cow into space commenced.
The steaks had never been higher.

A jihadist was preparing himself for his mission, when suddenly he's facing the image of his dearly departed comrad

"Ahmad! How is paradise?"
"Abdul, don't go through with the mission, it is not the paradise we were promised!"
"How is that possible? How could that be? Did you get the 72 virgins?"
"Yes, and that's the problem, Abdul... think about what kind of women dies a v**...."

MI6, CIA and KGB are competing against each other...

Last competition. The mission is to find a bear in a 10000 sq/km forest
MI6 goes first. Using dogs and 1000 agents they have found a bear in 12 hours.
CIA goes next. Using satellites and heatvisors they found a bear in 6 hours
KGB goes last. Two agents enters a forest and came out of it in 5 minutes. One of them is holding a rabbit by his ears.
Judges- And?
One KGB agent hits a rabbit.
Rabbit - ok ok i confess i'm a bear!!!

I found out the other day that my car is a big supporter of the LGBTQ community.

The mechanic even said it had a great trans mission.

A Navy Aircraft carrier and its entourage were traversing out at sea when they get a signal of an approaching mass.

They comm it and express for them to move out of their way they were on a mission of high importance. "Negative sir we cannot accommodate your request" The admiral quite taken aback exclaims that "Its not a request son, this is the United States Navy Aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan flanked by two naval war ships and a submarine. I repeat edit your bearings and move out of our way!" "Negative sir, were a lighthouse, so its your call!"
(Someone told that this actually happened one time)

Two other guys pulled out from going on space flight tomorrow with William Shatner

Right after they were issued red shirts for the mission.

What did the missionaries give the cannibals?

Their first taste of Christianity.

Some people are trying to cancel Dave Chappelle

In other words they are trying to stop his trans mission.

Everyone knows the Russians sent a dog to space, but lesser known is the mission where they sent a cow.

The mission went terribly and everyone involved, including the cow was sworn to secrecy. He was a cows-moo-not.

A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle

one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"Nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

Did you hear about the US Air Forces accidental missile strike?

They took off on the mission and then couldn't abort!

The Polish government is planning a manned space mission to the sun

When asked if they are afraid the mission will end in disaster, they responded, no, we are not worried, we are going at night .
(Credit the late great norm mcdonald)

Mission joke, The Polish government is planning a manned space mission to the sun

jokes about mission