Missing Finger Jokes
36 missing finger jokes and hilarious missing finger puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about missing finger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Missing Finger Short Jokes
Short missing finger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The missing finger humour may include short broken finger jokes also.
- I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me. I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.
- Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.
- A young girl wet herself during class...... The teacher said "SARAH! Why didn't you put your hand up"?
Sarah replies "I did Miss, but it kept running through my fingers". - A little girl at school was being told off by her teacher for peeing her pants, Teacher said Daisy why didn't you put your hand up? Daisy replied I did miss. But it trickled through my fingers.
- I had barely taken off my finger out of her wet hole, that...... ..... within seconds she started going down on me. I thought to myself, "Man! I am really gonna miss this boat"
- Earlier today, I met a man missing some fingers in both hands. He seemed pretty nice, until I raised my hand for a high-five.
Share These Missing Finger Jokes With Friends
Missing Finger One Liners
Which missing finger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with missing finger? I can suggest the ones about missing hand and middle finger.
- If a deaf person is missing a finger... ...do they speak with a lisp?
- What does a deaf kid missing 3 fingers do? Stutter
- What does a woman with a missing finger get at the nail salon? 10% off.
- What's long, green and smells like Miss Piggy? Kermit's finger...
- What do you call a short Irishman with missing fingers? A l**...-chaun.
Quirky and Hilarious Missing Finger Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about missing finger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cut off finger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make missing finger pranks.
The two troublemakers
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...
so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think
Maths teacher - Johnny, what's 2+2?
*Johnny counts on his fingers....*
Johnny - FOUR, miss?
Math teacher - yeah, that's right. But you are counting on your fingers...
Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's 3+3?
*Johnny fumbles around..*
Johnny - SIX, miss?
Math teacher - yes, that's right..but you're still counting on your fingers...
Put your hand in your pockets and tell me what's 5+5?
*Johnny fumbles around his pockets...*
Johnny - ELEVEN, Miss??
The funniest thing my grandpa ever said
I was visiting my grandparents a couple years back and my grandma brought up that the PA at the local clinic, an attractive 30-something year-old woman, was moving out of town. My grandpa piped up with "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her. Do you know how hard it is for a man my age to get a 33 year old woman to put her finger up my b**...?"
He passed away this morning. I love you grandpa.
My brother has lost his finger in an accident, I need puns and jokes surrounding missing fingers to tell him
The best I've come up with is
Do you still listen to 4-finger death punch?
So clearly I need help
A guy goes to his proctologist...
While the doc was getting ready for the exam, the man asked "So how did you get into proctology?" The doctor goes, "Well, I wanted to be a Gynecologist, **holds up thumb and index finger** but I missed it by this much"
Little Johnny once went camping on a school trip
At night, he approached his teacher's tent, and said, Miss, I am scared. I can't sleep alone. Can I sleep in your tent.
The teacher thought for a second, and said No
Johnny: But Mommy always lets me do so, when I am scared
Teacher : Okay, fine. But do not tell this to your friends
They both go into the tent
After a while, Johnny wakes up his teacher
Miss, I can't sleep. Can I poke my finger in your belly button? Mommy lets me do so when I can't sleep
Teacher: Okay, but do not mention it to anyone
After a while
Johnny, that is not my belly button
Johnny: Well, it isn't my finger either
This really h**... walks up to the bartender and says in a s**... seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"
He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss". She leans in and starts running her fingers through his beard and then slips 2 fingers in his mouth, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
The IT man
One of Microsoft's finest technicians was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!
A Priest and a Rabbi Go Golfing...
A Priest and a Rabbi go golfing. On the first hole, the Rabbi swings and misses, yelling, "g**..., I missed!" The Priest chastises him in response, telling him "Don't say that, or else God will strike you down."
They go to the next hole, and the same thing happens. The Rabbi yells "g**..., I missed!" And the Priest tells him again, "You shouldn't say that or else God will strike you down."
They make it all the way to the 18th hole without incident... until the Rabbi swings and misses, his club flies from his fingers. He yells at the top of his lungs "g**..., I missed!" and the Priest is struck by lightning.
God yells "g**..., I missed!"
The Secretary!
The directors of the company were called in to a chairman's office one by one until only the Company Secretary was left sitting nervously outside.
Finally, it was his turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the chairman and the other eight directors seated solemnly around a table. He was invited to join them, which he did.
As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to the company secretary and asked,
"Have you ever slept with Miss Foyt, my secretary?"
"No, certainly not."
"Are you absolutely sure?" asked the chairman.
"Absolutely! I've never laid a finger on her."
"You'd swear to that?"
"Yes, I swear I've never slept with your secretary."
"Great !! Then you fire her......!"
A man in overalls walks into the emergency room...
A man in overalls walks into the emergency room with the tips of his fingers missing.
"What happened to you?" Asked the Doctor as he began stitching him up.
"Well," the man replied, "I had to trim my bushes today, and I thought of a way to speed it up. Instead of using clippers, I held my lawn mower above the bushes. But then the blade lopped off the tips of my fingers underneath."
The doctor shook his head, finished the job, and sent the man home.
Ten minutes later another man walks into the emergency room, also missing all of his fingertips.
"What happened to you?" Asked the doctor.
"I was driving down the road, and I saw somebody with to best idea of how to trim their bushes."
Old joke, still funny
A genius senior in high school takes a chemistry test. He gets his score back and is shocked he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a bronze oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface of the lamp, a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student eyes light up and immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.
Three friends were on a deserted island...
...when they found a brass lamp. One of them rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared. "You have freed me, and for that I can grant you each one wish." The first friend was really hungry, so he asked the genie to send him to an iHop. The genie snapped his fingers, and he was sent there. The second friend missed his family, so he asked the genie to send him back. The genie snapped his fingers, and the man was sent home. The third friend was quiet. The genie decided to ask him what his wish was. "Well, I'm lonely now. Can you bring my friends back?"
A physicist, an engineer and a statistician are on a hunting trip...
... they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.
The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.
Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"
SOURCE: One of about three jokes the PhD students from the computational mathematics and statistics know.
-------
Bonus: i**... is a family-wise error.
A genius high school chemistry student takes a test
A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a brass oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.
Two little boys, ages 6 and 8, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 6 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
This is a mean joke.
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
