Missed Putt Jokes
5 missed putt jokes and hilarious missed putt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about missed putt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Missed Putt Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good missed putt joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John is playing golf with the vicar
He misses a three foot putt, and says "d**..., missed the buggar."
The vicar warns him "keep talking like that and God will open up the heavens and strike you dead with lightning."
John then misses a two foot putt, and repeats "d**..., missed the buggar."
Sure enough, God opens the heavens and sends down a lightning bolt, but it strikes the vicar and he falls over dead.
"d**..., missed the buggar." God says.
A golfer misses a putt...
He read the break as left-to-right, but it hit the edge of the cup and went the other way.
It was a bad lip reading.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a nun are golfing...
The priest misses a putt and yells " d**... I missed!" The nun tells him not to swear because God won't approve of it. On the next hole the priest hits a bad shot and yells once again " d**... I missed" and the nun tells him," don't swear anymore or the sky will open up and God will strike you down" . On the next hole the priest once again messes up and once again yells "d**... I missed!" At that point the sky opened up and the nun gets struck by lighting. The priest looks up with astonishment and from the sky he hears " d**... I missed!"
This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned.
"
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend.
The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church.
The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees."
The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree."
The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away."
The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."
The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the f...ing putt!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the confessional.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.
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