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Missed Jokes

144 missed jokes and hilarious missed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about missed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article examines the various missed jokes in our daily lives, from missed flights and penalties, to mistaking a foggy and stormtrooper, and even missing periods. Explore the funny and serious implications of our decisions and how to improve the chances of success. Learn the potential outcomes of our decisions, missed opportunities, missed calls, missed field goals, and more. Uncover the unique meanings that can be found behind the missed jokes we encounter, and how to use them to positively influence our lives.

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Funniest Missed Short Jokes

Short missed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The missed humour may include short missing jokes also.

  1. a guy got an interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
    Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
    Boss: welcome on board
  2. Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
  3. My wife has been missing for over a week. The police said to be prepared for the worst. So I had to go to Goodwill to get all her clothes back.
  4. A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
    Because they multiply by dividing.
    RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.
  5. Poor Prince Phillip... 99 years old, he just missed out on getting a letter from his wife.
  6. My dad is obsessed with The Beatles and is missing just one of their songs from his record collection. He needs Help.
  7. BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
  8. I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
  9. When I was five, my Dad put Snowballs in the blender to make a slushie... I miss snowballs, she was a good cat.
  10. My husband has been missing for six days now Police said to prepare for the worst.
    So I went to the charity shop to get his clothes back

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Missed One Liners

Which missed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with missed? I can suggest the ones about misplaced and skipped.

  1. Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex? My ex.
  2. If you ever miss 4:20 just wait untill 4:22 because... 4:22 is 4:20 too.
  3. Whosoever invented "dentures" missed out on calling them ... "Substitooths".
  4. I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat' You've probably seen our posters.
  5. For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr
  6. A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him
  7. I used to miss Mitch Hedburg I still do... But I used to, too.
    RIP
  8. Sometimes I miss my ex. So I drop it into reverse and try again.
  9. Whoever called it 'Dentures' really missed an opportunity to call it 'Substitooths'.
  10. A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad. He will be missed.
  11. What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus? He waits for it at the next stop.
  12. Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas
  13. What do Little Miss Muffet and ISIS have in common? They both have Kurds in their way
  14. My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed.
  15. I just turned 18 and my parents tried to surprise me with a car They missed

Missed Call Jokes

Here is a list of funny missed call jokes and even better missed call puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Wife Missing My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.
  • Whoever decided to call it Dentures.... Really missed the opportunity to call it Substitooths.
  • Guess who woke up to 23 missed calls from their Ex ? My Ex.
  • What do you call a person missing 75% of their spine? A quarterback
  • What do you call an illegitimate female cow? Miss Steak
  • What do you call someone who hates people who are missing toes? Lactose intolerant
  • I used to be in a band called Missing Cat You may have seen our posters.
  • The beautiful woman next door came around complaining about items going missing from her washing line and threatened to call the police... I nearly crapped her pants!
  • Guess who just got 17 missed calls from their ex my ex
  • What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke? My Favorite,
    When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Missed Period Jokes

Here is a list of funny missed period jokes and even better missed period puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What kind of secretary is the best secretary? One that never misses a period.
  • How do you identify a pregnant clause when editing writing? It's missing a period.
  • What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
  • My girlfriend wrote a perfect paragraph... ...she didn't miss a period!
  • Please practice safe text. Use a comma & you won't miss a period.
  • Copy-editing is a very stressful line of work for women. Every time they miss a period, they get really nervous.
  • How did the english teacher know his student was pregnant? She started missing periods
  • Rosa Mr. U, 2 da wedding? Rosa missed her period, you coming to the wedding...old Italian joke my mom told me
  • What's the worst period in a teenage boy's life? The one his girlfriend misses.
  • Why did the semicolon think the comma was pregnant? It was missing it's period.
Missed joke, Why did the semicolon think the comma was pregnant?

Missed Opportunity Jokes

Here is a list of funny missed opportunity jokes and even better missed opportunity puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There are 3 things that I love: The Oxford Comma, irony, and missed opportunities.
  • Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass.. Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse
  • Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover? There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.
  • I feel like the world really missed an opportunity by calling people that study the sky astronomers They should've called them skyentists.
  • Why the Martians haven't contacted us? They missed the opportunity
  • What does a perfect joke never said have in common with Mars? A missed Opportunity
  • I've just spotted the new Batman shampoo for sale. Although I feel they're missing a real opportunity by not producing a conditioner Gordon.
  • What does my love life and Mars have in common Both have a missed Opportunity
  • Rewatched The Last Jedi and noticed that they missed an opportunity when they named the black BB droid. They should have called him BBc.
  • I still think it was a missed opportunity that Minnie Driver wasn't in the remake of The Italian Job. Joke from Gary Delaney's standup

Missed Flight Jokes

Here is a list of funny missed flight jokes and even better missed flight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia? Because he was Snowden.
  • Why did the lawyer miss his flight? There was a problem with his brief case.
  • The Llama Joke Why did the Llama miss his flight to go on holiday?
    He was busy Alpacking.
  • I had a near miss on my a flight to Thailand. Well a pre-op t**....

Missed Penalty Jokes

Here is a list of funny missed penalty jokes and even better missed penalty puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Messi won a beauty pageant before He was crowned Miss Penalty
  • Why do you miss someone so much more when it's long distance? Range penalties.
Missed joke, Why do you miss someone so much more when it's long distance?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about missed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of missed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Missed Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about missed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean mistaken jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make missed prank.

A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.

On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"

So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell...

So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell. He goes up to the chalkboard and draws a period. The teacher then asks "What is so special about a period?" Little Johnny replies "I don't know, but when my sister said she missed hers my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the neighbor shot himself!"

My grandpa's favorite joke

This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.
At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "
His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."

Bellboy

Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.
"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."

A bus full of housewives

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors.
People cried for a week. But there was a man who was still crying after 2 weeks. When asked why he is still crying, he replied miserably: "My wife missed the bus."

My girlfriend's response to a lesbian joke that I told her

Years ago I told my girlfriend a joke, it went something like this:
Me: Did you hear about the French lesbian who went back home to France?
Her: (Shakes her head no)
Me: She missed her native tongue.
After I said the punchline, she didn't get it, just sat there and looked at me straight-faced, trying to make sense of it, finally she blurts out, "They have natives in France?"

Guy robs a bank

Throw the bag at the teller and says fill it up. She does so and he turns around to the person behind him and says
"Did u see me rob the bank?"
Person says "yes".
Bang shoots him dead.
Goes up to the next couple.
" Did u see me rob the bank?"
Guy says "I must have missed it, but my wife saw the whole thing!"

What do women and grammar n**... have in common?

One missed period is enough to freak them out.

My Dad died recently, but unfortunately I slept in and missed the f**...

I guess I'm not a mourning person

I opened a s**... bank in London recently...

We had a disastrous first day. Only two clients. One came on the bus; the other one missed the tube.

Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...

...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.

If you missed the ball drop last night....

Just watch FSU in the Rose Bowl

Yo mama is so fat that

when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad

I missed a question on my biology exam today.

The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.

An Iranian man comes home to his wife

He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"
The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"

The teacher asks all the students to draw something on the board that's exciting...

All the other kids draw rockets, jet planes, roller coasters, and so on. But little Johnny goes up to the board, draws a dot, and sits down.
The teacher says "Johnny, there's nothing exciting about a dot. How can a dot cause excitement?"
Johnny replies "That's not a dot, it's a period, and my sister just missed hers, and it's causing a lot of excitement at our house!"

Poor Caitlyn Jenner.

She missed mothers day & Fathers Day.

It's show and tell day...

In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot.
"What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks.
"It's a period," replies Johnny.
"What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks.
"I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."

Went to my first fight club yesterday

It was great, but I missed a few of the first rules because I was late. Probably nothing important though.

Can you cover for me/

I missed my shift.

I built a staircase using an online tutorial!

When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.

fight club

I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting

Don't worry if you missed 4/20

Because today is 4/20 too!

What did the s**... say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

Smoking two cigarettes at once

A girl saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, she asked him why ? he replied that he smokes one for himself and one for his buddy in prison. Another day, the same girl saw that guy again smoking only one cigarette this time, she said : "Congrats! i'm verry happy for you and your friend ! he must have missed you", he replied that he still is in prison, she asked : "so why are you smoking only one cigarette ?", he replied : "i stopped smoking".

Little Johnny was learning about punctuation

The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself

Doctor gave me 3 months to live...

I'm so lazy I missed the deadline, that was 4 months ago.

I went to my first Fight Club last week.

I was unfortunately late to it and so I missed the rules. But I had a great time at Fight Club, and I would strongly recommend Fight Club to everyone.

A bus full of wives going on a picnic

fall into a river and all die.
The husbands saddened cry for a week while one husband continued to cry for more than two weeks.
When asked why he misses his wife so much he replied miserably...
"My wife missed the bus!!"

GUYS. If you missed the eclipse today, there's going to be a secondary one later.

It's at 8:01 PM. The earth will block out the sun and it will go completely dark during a period of about 10 1/2 hours.

Just got back from fight club. I really enjoyed it!

I was late though so I missed the rules. I'm sure they weren't important though.

A soccer referee picks up his phone during a match.

**14 Missed Calls**

A stormtrooper and a redshirt get into a fight.

The stormtrooper missed every shot.
The redshirt died anyway.

Becoming a vegetarian...

.....Is a big missed steak

What'd the difference between Net Neutrality and Ajit Pai?

Net Neutrality would be missed if it died.

A guy called his Ex

A guy called his Ex and told her "I missed you".
The Ex replied "Oh that's sweet, but it's over".
The guy said "Yea I know, but can you please stand closer to the window so I won't miss you again?"

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

One...Ok, just one more...Maybe a third to be social...May as well make it a few more now, I've missed the last bus...

I missed class due to hypothermia...

I was too cool for school

Started going to the gym and I dropped 10 pounds very quickly.

Thankfully the dumbbell missed my foot.

Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.

The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?" 

Fight Club was awesome!

Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!

What did the stormtrooper say to Luke Skywalker when he saw him?

I've missed you so much!

On the morning of my sixteenth birthday, my parents decided to surprise me with a car.

But they missed.

I piy the fool

Yes, I missed a t

A husband died

A husband died.
A few years later, his wife died.
As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
"Darling, oh how I've missed you!"
The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him and says,
"Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

A sick man comes to a doctor. After an inspection, the doctor says "I have very bad news for you."

The man asks "What is so wrong?"
The doctor answers: "I missed all the lectures about your illness back in med school."

So President Trump wants to abolish the two term limit on the Presidency.

Welcome back President Obama we missed you.

What's the one thing snipers can't tell their wives?

I missed you yesterday while at work.

An off duty soldier took a train.

When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.
When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.
' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'

A husband died

A few years later the wife died.
As she got to heaven, she sees her husband and runs up to him with tears in her eyes "Oh darling, how I've missed you."
The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him "Woah there woman. The contract was until death."

The Clintons at President Reagan's f**...

I don't know if any of you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, but if you did, you might've noticed Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.
Reagan, who never missed the opportunity for a good one-liner, raised his head out of the casket and said I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together

I missed the Vice Presidential debate...

Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about?

An off-duty soldier is riding the train.

When the train reaches its first stop a general walks in and the soldier stood up.
"At ease soldier, sit down.", said the general.
The train reached its second stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general once again said, "At ease soldier, sit down."
The train reached its third stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general said, "You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop."
• ⁠
The soldier said, "I'm trying to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago."

I once considered going vegetarian

But then I realized it would be a huge missed steak

Two Irish friends leave the pub.

Two Irish friends leave the pub.
One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.

This morning when I started work, my boss called me and said, You missed work yesterday, didn't you?!

I said, No, not particularly.

worst part of childhood is monsters in the closet/under the bed

worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.

The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.

I was disappointed that my sister started dating a guy who praised Stalin, idolized Karl Marx, and was working to form a union at work

I don't know she missed all the red flags

I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.

It will be missed.

An old one: A rabbi and a priest go golfing, but the rabbi keeps missing his shots.

Whenever this happens, he angrily exclaims, g**..., I missed! At each hole, the rabbi swears, and at each hole, the priest shakes his head. Finally, on the final hole, the exasperated priest declares, Rabbi, if you continue with this disrespect for the Lord's name, so help me, may He strike you down right here on the green. The rabbi swings, misses, and swears. Suddenly, a lightning bolt descends and incinerates the priest. A heavenly voice then cries out, g**..., I missed!

Why was there a Covid-19 outbreak on the Death Star?

'Cos the Stormtroopers missed their shots.

My friend passed away the other day.

He will be missed. He would light up the room whenever he entered. Come to think of it, this should've been when we noticed the radiation poisoning.

Why did Novak Djokovic loss the Australian Open?

He missed 2 shots.

Don't Become A Vegan

It'll be a big missed steak.

Nurse missed the first time when trying to give me an IV. When he switched Arms to try again, I asked...

Was your first effort in vein?

My landlord doubled my rent. I'm going to give up drinking for a month.

Sorry I missed punctuation there.
I'm going to give up, drinking for a month.

Weekly cult meetings

A cult holds weekly meetings and all members are expected to attend regularly. This week only two cultists show up. After waiting awkwardly for awhile making small talk, they realize no one else is coming.
Both of them are getting nervous and they admit to each other they missed last weeks cult meeting, so they don't know the reason no one else is here. Trying to decide what to do they think for a bit on what they missed and why they are the only ones in attendance today. Then it dawns on them....
"Oh no I think we missed the punchline."

Missed joke, Weekly cult meetings

jokes about missed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these missed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.