Missed Call Jokes
121 missed call jokes and hilarious missed call puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about missed call that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Missed Call Short Jokes
Short missed call jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The missed call humour may include short phone call jokes also.
- Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
- Wife Missing My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.
- Whoever decided to call it Dentures.... Really missed the opportunity to call it Substitooths.
- The beautiful woman next door came around complaining about items going missing from her washing line and threatened to call the police... I nearly crapped her pants!
- What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke? My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris. - What do you call the winner of the beauty pageant for teenagers who've had an abortion? Little miss conception
- This morning when I started work, my boss called me and said, You missed work yesterday, didn't you?! I said, No, not particularly.
- Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass.. Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse
- My friends & I just started a band called Missing Cat. You've probably seen our posters around town.
- What did the flat-earther say after finally seeing the earth from space? Half of the so-called continents are missing.
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Missed Call One Liners
Which missed call one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with missed call? I can suggest the ones about lost phone and missed.
- Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex? My ex.
- Whosoever invented "dentures" missed out on calling them ... "Substitooths".
- I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat' You've probably seen our posters.
- Whoever called it 'Dentures' really missed an opportunity to call it 'Substitooths'.
- Guess who woke up to 23 missed calls from their Ex ? My Ex.
- What do you call a person missing 75% of their spine? A quarterback
- What do you call an illegitimate female cow? Miss Steak
- What do you call someone who hates people who are missing toes? Lactose intolerant
- I used to be in a band called Missing Cat You may have seen our posters.
- Guess who just got 17 missed calls from their ex my ex
- How to you call a pig missing both hind legs? A ham-putee.
- What do you call a cow that gets sent to the slaughterhouse by accident? Miss Steak
- The butcher's wife always messes up everyone's order. We call her Miss Steak.
- What do you call Batman who misses church on Sunday? Christian Bale
- What do you call a married stormtrooper couple? Misster & Misses
Missed Call Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about missed call you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean telephone call jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make missed call pranks.
A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."
The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear."
I've just started a band.
Were called Missing Cat might of even seen the posters for us.
Semantics really
I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".
I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.
A nurse in a mental hospital receives a call
A man says: "Miss, could you check if the patient in room 14 is still there?"
Nurse: "A moment please"
After a while,
Nurse: "No!! He's gone!!"
The man: "Good, looks like I really escaped this time...."
My dad used to work with a digger driver called priest
Because he never misses a service.
Miss Alabama Katherine Webb thinks being called s**...' is derogatory.
That's because she only hears that from her cousins.
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...
... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"
The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"
The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.
"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.
The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."
"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."
The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
What do you call a cow...?
What do you call a cow that's missing a leg? Lean Beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow that's m**...? Beef Strokin-Off
The twins
There were two twin brothers called Juan and Jamal who had grown up and left their family to find their luck far away in two different parts of the country.
After a while, missing his sons, their father went to a trip to see them. When back home, his wife, who had stayed home, asked him about their kids.
"I went first to Juan. He is quite fine" he said.
"What about Jamal, did you visit him as well?"
"No need. If I've seen Juan, I've seen Jamal"
What do you call the teacher who lost her baby?
Miss Carriage
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
A lawyer was in his BMW...
...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.
Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.
Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.
Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?
Job at a Cadbury's factory ..
>I had a job putting fudge bars in to boxes. I had to quit though because every time someone would walk past they would say,
>"Oh packing fudge are we?"
>Or
>"Hey up, he's packing fudge again."
>Since then I've applied for a job in a clothing factory lifting boxes of shirts.
>I'm hoping the name calling will stop now.
TBH. I don't get the joke and it's annoying me. Can someone explain the obvious wordplay I'm missing??
What do you call a missing shape?
A polygone!
A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...
"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."
So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"
Animals missing legs.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It Doesn't matter, it is not going to come anyways.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him for a drag.
What do you call a cat with no legs?
General Tso's chicken
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean beef
There were nine INTERPOL agents in a briefing.
They were named INTERPOL 1, INTERPOL 2, and so on. Their names were read out one by one in attendance. As the speaker reached the end, he said "INTERPOL 6, INTERPOL 7, INTERPOL 9." The missing agent stood up and asked why her name wasn't called. The speaker said, "You can figure it out."
I love how people always leave voicemails when I miss their calls.
It's like they want to be ignored twice.
What do you call a prosthetic used in exchage for your missing leg.
A stubstitute
What do you call a feminist manager.
Miss. Management.
The true meaning of "bro code"
If a suspicious husband calls ten of his wife's friends about her last night's whereabouts, nine of them will tell him she wasn't there, and one will say she was.
If a suspicious wife calls ten of her husband's friends about his last night's whereabouts, nine of them will tell her he was with them, and one will insist that she only just missed him.
What do you call a six sided shape that's missing?
A hex-a-gone
I've started a new religion based on the consumption of high-percentage alcohol. Its only downside is that I now miss a lot of work due to hangovers
It's called absinthe-theism.
I was thinking of opening up a new business...
For teenage abortions called:
Little miss conceptions
The kids at school used to call my mum the village bike
She wasn't promiscuous; when I was six years old she went missing and they found her in the canal.
(Mat Ewins)
GRAND THEFT AUTO
A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What do you call a cow with its front legs missing
Lean beef
Chuck Norris jokes
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
What do you call a Mexican guy who's car always goes missing?
Carlos.
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
Why will all of the referees check their voicemail immediately after the Super Bowl?
So they can hear someone say "no missed calls"
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Boy to Boy 00:00:59
Boy to Mom 00:00:50
Boy to Dad 00:00:30
Boy to Girl 01:23:59
Girl to Girl 05:29:59
Girl to Boy Missed call
Husband to Wife 00:00:03
Wife to Husband 14 Missed Calls
I went on a trip and my girlfriend called. She told me she missed me
So THAT explains why I saw a random bullet hole on my car
Disclaimer: I never actually had a girlfriend to begin with.
What do you call a failed vampire assassination?
A missed stake
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
That same guy in your pool? Bob
Same guy in your hot tub? Stew
Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack
Same guy on your porch? Matt
Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer
Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen
Chinese girl with the same condition? Irene.
Teacher: and have nice weekend everyone! Oh Johnny, could you stay for a minute please?
"I heard that you have stolen? How do we call someone that has stolen?
Johnny: "I have no idea what you're talking about, miss."
Teacher: "well, let me give you a hint. If I reached for your pocket... and I grasp a hundred dollars out of it, what do you call me?
Johnny: "a magician."
You know what we used to call our goalkeeper?
'Cinderella'
He always missed the ball.
So, there was this rich dude...
One day, as he is driving his fancy car down the road, he is singing to himself I love my BMW, I love BMW. He was so wrapped up in his song he missed a turn and hit a tree. Surprisingly he survived, but instead of calling for help he was crying out my BMW, oh my BMW. Just then a good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!" The rich dude, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
I once knew a Mathematics Professor...
She was a cute, s**... teacher. I called her Miss Cosnπ and man, did she have curves!
I'm starting a program for mentally disabled people to restart there life with all of the technological advancements they may have missed out on when they were young.
It's called "are you restarted?"
A blonde gets in her car...
and notices that her dashboard windshield and steering wheel were missing she called the cops and reported a theft when the cops arrived she was crying in her car and the cops went up to her and said "Ma'am you are sitting in the backseat".
A soccer referee picks up his phone during a match.
**14 Missed Calls**
TIL that immediately after Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he learned that
he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
The US must be very tired...
They've certainly missed all the wake up calls.
After years of searching for his missing journalist father, a man gets a call from the U.S. Embassy...
I regret to inform you that we've located your father's remains. They were found buried in a sack somewhere in Iraq.
Oh no! Baghdad?
Try to remember how he lived, not how he died.
What do you call a cow's ex-wife?
Miss Steak
Santas reindeer get lost on a flight one night and don't return to the pole. After being missing for weeks, they are found, the only survivor being Donner. When asked how he survived, he replied:
"They don't call me Donner for nothin'"
A guy called his Ex
A guy called his Ex and told her "I missed you".
The Ex replied "Oh that's sweet, but it's over".
The guy said "Yea I know, but can you please stand closer to the window so I won't miss you again?"
Why did Miss Piggy call in sick from work?
She had had a frog in her t**...
What do you call a female Hawaiian?
Miss. Isles
Rewatched The Last Jedi and noticed that they missed an opportunity when they named the black BB droid.
They should have called him BBc.
After her husband went to jail, a woman called the judge.
..."Why is my husband in jail?" she asked.
"Because he stole a loaf of bread." replied the judge.
"Will he get out of jail soon?"
"Why, do you miss him?"
"No, he drinks, he screams at me, he hits the children, he gambles. He is a terrible husband."
"Then why do you want him back?" questioned the judge.
"We need more bread."
A high-end lawyer is leaving his car when he gets sideswiped by a passing truck.
He calls the cops and he start complaining to them about how the truck had ruin his beautiful Roles Royce. The cop looks at him and sneers, you lawyers, always so concerned about your money. You are so busy worrying about your car that you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing.
The lawyer looks at his missing arm in horror and screams, oh no, my Rolex!!
What do you call a communist revolution that failed due to poor word choice?
A miss-commune-ication
I feel like the world really missed an opportunity by calling people that study the sky astronomers
They should've called them skyentists.
A man goes to the police to call his wife missing.
"When have you seen your wife for the last time?"
- "About a month ago"
"And why are you coming to the police only now?!"
- "I have no more clean laundry..."
Did you hear they're making a Mr Men book about a woman that can't have children?
It's called Little Miss Carrie.
What does Miss Piggy call o**... s**...?
Having a frog in her t**....
My five-year-old, everyone.
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).
What do you call a beauty queen with a black eye?
Miss Treatment
Me and my mother in a fight
Me and my mother were in a fight the other day, and she called me a "son of a b**..."
Without missing a beat, I said "u got that right!"
What do you call it when you pull out and miss?
A walnut
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What were the Entwives called?
Nobody knows, it's a Miss-tree.
A minister started his Children's sermon with a question. Who knows what the Resurrection is?
Without missing a beat a young boy says, "If you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your physician."
Call my getaway driver spongebob
Because he never miss a shift
What do you call a guy who jumps off the 3rd floor balcony into the pool and misses?
An ambulance
When your appendix is removed it's called an appendectomy.
When your u**... is removed it's called a hysterectomy. What's it called when you have a growth removed from your head? A haircut.
An all boys high school teacher was doing the attendance roll call one morning
She went through the list of names and each student replied, Yes miss as their name was called.
James?
Yes miss, replied James.
Is Robert here?
Yes miss, replied Robert.
Jack?
After about 5 seconds of silence, Jack hadn't replied.
The teacher continued, j**... today?
The whole class in unison, Okay we will miss.