Miss You Jokes
102 miss you jokes and hilarious miss you puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about miss you that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
- Short Miss You Jokes
- Miss You One Liners
- I Miss You Jokes
- I Miss You Knock Knock Jokes
- More Miss You Jokes
Funniest Miss You Short Jokes
Short miss you jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The miss you humour may include short knock knock miss you jokes also.
- a guy got an interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board - Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
- My wife has been missing for over a week. The police said to be prepared for the worst. So I had to go to Goodwill to get all her clothes back.
- A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots. - Poor Prince Phillip... 99 years old, he just missed out on getting a letter from his wife.
- My dad is obsessed with The Beatles and is missing just one of their songs from his record collection. He needs Help.
- BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
- I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
- When I was five, my Dad put Snowballs in the blender to make a slushie... I miss snowballs, she was a good cat.
- My husband has been missing for six days now Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I went to the charity shop to get his clothes back
Share These Miss You Jokes With Friends
Miss You One Liners
Which miss you one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with miss you? I can suggest the ones about knock knock i miss you and i love u.
- Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex? My ex.
- If you ever miss 4:20 just wait untill 4:22 because... 4:22 is 4:20 too.
- Whosoever invented "dentures" missed out on calling them ... "Substitooths".
- I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat' You've probably seen our posters.
- For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr
- A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him
- I used to miss Mitch Hedburg I still do... But I used to, too.
RIP - Sometimes I miss my ex. So I drop it into reverse and try again.
- Whoever called it 'Dentures' really missed an opportunity to call it 'Substitooths'.
- A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad. He will be missed.
- What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus? He waits for it at the next stop.
- Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas
- What do Little Miss Muffet and ISIS have in common? They both have Kurds in their way
- My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed.
- I just turned 18 and my parents tried to surprise me with a car They missed
I Miss You Jokes
Here is a list of funny i miss you jokes and even better i miss you puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know the football player whose missing 75% of his spine? He's the Quarterback.
(My 2nd joke attempt X\_X) - fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting
- I took my finger out of her hole, and in seconds she was going down on me. I thought to myself, Man. I am really gonna miss this boat.
- Wife Missing My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.
- Fight Club was awesome! Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
- Whoever decided to call it Dentures.... Really missed the opportunity to call it Substitooths.
- Two cannibals were eating and the first one says: Your sister makes a delicious soup. The second one says: True, but now I miss her
- My girlfriend asked me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" And I answered: "Of course! I'd miss you, but I still love you"
- If James Hetfield officiated kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding... He'd be a Pastor of Muppets!
- Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE) Because swift never misses.
I Miss You Knock Knock Jokes
Here is a list of funny i miss you knock knock jokes and even better i miss you knock knock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Novak Djokovic is the first person to be knocked out of the Australian Open. He only missed two shots.
- After the quarantine is going to be like Knock knock
Who's there?
People
People who?
People who love and miss you! - How do you know if two elephants were having s**... in your backyard? Your fence is knocked down and one of your Hefty trash bags is missing.
Howlingly Hilarious Miss You Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about miss you you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean missed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make miss you pranks.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
A man walks into a bar
and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."
Why are storm troopers so clingy?
Cause no matter where you're at they'll always miss you.
What does the s**... say to his gf after a breakup?
I won't miss you.
My wife and I were lying in bed the other day...
My hands were slowly finding their way across her body.
I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world."
She whispered back, "I'll miss you."
My best friend passed away recently..
Grieving before his grave I said,
Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?
A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grew older each day, I realised he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy my prayer worked.
If you miss your ex
Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again
A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...
...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband f**....
When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:
"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"
Wife: Would you still love me if you won the lottery?
Husband: Of course....
But I'd miss you.
Joe : Barack....
Joe : Barack....
Obama : yes Joe, we have to go our on ways after our term is over.
Joe : I'll miss you man. I'm going to be....
Obama : Don't you say it !
Joe : I'm going to be ... *cries* .....*sobs*.
Obama : don't you ever say it !
Joe : it's just.... I'm going to be... *sighs*
Joe : OBAMASELFFF
A guy called his Ex
A guy called his Ex and told her "I missed you".
The Ex replied "Oh that's sweet, but it's over".
The guy said "Yea I know, but can you please stand closer to the window so I won't miss you again?"
Why do stormtroopers always make the best boyfriends?
Because they always miss you.
What did the anti-vaccer say to her son?
I miss you.
What can you say as a teacher but also during s**...?
I better wrap it up else you'll miss your next period.
A couple is lying in bed. The husband says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."The wife replies,...
..."I'll miss you."
My cat peed on my brand new expensive backpack so I had to throw it away.
I'll miss you, Fluffy.
Dad and his son Billy, age 5, had a conversation. Dad: Billy listen. Your mother and I have decided that we can't live together anymore.
Billy: But papa, where will mommy live??
Dad: She'll still live here.
Billy: Oh papa I will miss you.
Dad: I will miss you too Billy. Now pack up your stuff you got 15minutes to get the f\*\*k out.
Man walks into a bar and never comes out
miss you dad
I'm a strong man, I don't need no woman!
Is what I would like to say, but I miss you Mom!
What do you do if you miss your mother-in-law?
Reload.
(Thanks Bob Dylan via Theme Time Radio Hour)
A bus full of housewives went to a picnic but fell into a river and everyone on board dies.
All the husbands cried for almost a week but a guy cried over three weeks. One of them consoles him and asked," Do you miss your wife so much." He replies,"No, my wife missed the bus."
I would like to shoutout my dad. He taught me to walk away from mistakes.
Please come back I miss you.
I haven't seen my son in months
One day a boy come home looking exactly like him but he said he was hungry. Son I don't know who this hungry guy is but I miss you, please come home. -Dad
The worst thing about breaking up with hitmen
Is that they'll make sure they won't miss you
What do you do when you miss your ex?
Reload and shoot again.
John and Jack were talking in a bar...
John said: you know Jack, I'll miss you when you are gone. You'll be buried, grass will grow over you, a cow will eat it and will do its business on the road. I'll look to it and think poor Jack, changed so much .
Jack than replied: dear John, I'll also miss you when you are gone. You'll be buried, grass will grow over you, a cow will eat it and will do its business on the road. I'll walk to it and think poor John, hasn't changed a bit .
What do you do when you miss your mother in law?
Reload
Aim
Shoot again!
Stormtroopers and dogs are a lot alike
No matter where you're at, they always miss you.
Me: You wanna hang out later? / Her: Sorry, I don't talk to guys under 6'
Me: Please Mom? I miss you
Your eyes water when you yawn,
Because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
There's a couple sitting next to each other
Wife: I will make you the happiest person on earth
Husband: I will miss you
Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars is a good quote
Unless you're an astronaut.
What kind of drink you need when you miss your old girlfriend?
Ex on the beach
What you do when you miss your wife?
You shoot again
Which trees miss you the most?
Pine trees
My life long Republican grandfather voted Democrat for the first time this election.
He died 2 years ago. We miss you Pappy.
A man holds his sarcastic wife at gunpoint.
He tells her, "I'm not going to miss you."
The wife says, "It wouldn't surprise me if you did."
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
What NOT to say to a loved one
Dear Reddit, I learnt today that it is not a good idea to say 'I'm gonna miss you when you're dead' to your parents. Especially when they're all gathered around at a f**....
I've lost 200pounds in a day
I'll miss you, Jessy
This one's a bit dark. (And original!)
A woman was next to her dad, who was on his death bed.
She said, "Please, dad, don't go... I'm gonna miss you..."
And the dad says, with his last breath, "H-hi, gonna miss you... I'm... dad....."
Today is the best day for my buddy who's divorce attorney
He send out thousands of cards saying:
Love you! Miss you!
You know who!
My girlfriend dumped me because I said the wrong name in bed...
I miss you so much Yanny
What are the nicest words you'll ever hear from a s**...?
I'm gonna miss you.
My doctor sang this to me at my birthday
"Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You have terminal cancer. Your family'll miss you"
I am against picketing, but I don't know how to show it
Happy Birthday man, we miss you
Throw a packet of sugar and say...
excuse me miss you dropped your nametag.
My mother-in-law told me not to miss her too much when I dropped her off at the airport...
To which I replied "The only way I could miss you is if I point my gun in the wrong direction".
I saw a wino eating a bunch of grapes
I said "You gotta wait!"
I miss you Mitch Hedberg
What did the Anti-Vaxxer tell her son before the school-day started?
I miss you.
If we were on a sinking ship and there was..
Only one life vest...
I would miss you so much.
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
My girlfriends new years resolution has already made me lose 130 lbs.
Please take me back. I miss you.
What do you do if you miss your mother-in-law?
You reload and try again.
A man gets a text from his girlfriemd that reads "I miss you" Can you guess what the man replied?
I Mr. you
Her: "Will you still love me if you win 1 million dollars at the lottery?"
Him: "Of course, baby! But I will miss you..."
Driving
You shouldn't play board games whilst driving, you might miss your turn.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"
I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
Diss opportunity comes once in a lifetime
A groundskeeper was walking through a graveyard
A groundskeeper was walking through a graveyard when he heard someone sobbing. He turned down a row of headstones to see a man kneeling in front of a grave and wailing.
"How could you do this to me?! ?" He cried. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, every second is agony! Why didn't you say anything?!" he paused when he noticed he wasn't alone.
"I'm sorry for your loss." the groundskeeper said awkwardly. "You must miss your wife terribly."
"My wife?" The kneeling man said through his tears.
"This grave belongs to her first husband!"
What's similar about bullets and people?
They don't miss you.
Hey girl, are you my morning prayers?
'Cause I miss you every single day.
I miss you.
Hi, Miss You. I'm Mr Ious. Do you know my friend Mrs You?
I was walking through the park this morning, when I saw a man, standing on a tree branch, with a rope around his neck...
I asked him what was happening and he screamed, "After I jump, everyone will dearly miss me when they recall that I hung myself!"
I immediately assured him that that would not be the case, even if he jumped, right there, in front of my very eyes, that's not what people will say!!
Tears welling in his eyes, he jumped.
As he was jumping, I said, "After you jump, everyone will dearly miss you when they recall that you *hanged* yourself!!"
I'm in a long distance relationship
with White Castle. Please come to Los Angeles. I miss you..
When you're enjoying your Chow mein..
..but you miss your dog.
Sometimes I really miss you (my ex)...
Then I remember I have a hand and the internet.
A mailman is working his last day after 20 years of faithful service to a neighborhood.
When he delivers the mail to the first house, the man comes out, hives him some fine cigars and says "So long, I'm really going to miss you."
When he goes to the next house, the woman there comes out and gives him a bottle of fine wine. She too is very sorry to see him go, and tells him she'll miss him. When he comes over to the next house, a beautiful women answers the door, bare n**.... She beckons him upstairs and makes the most passionate love to him that he has ever had. She then takes him downstairs and gives him the best breakfast he has ever had. When he's clearing his plate, he notices a dollar bill under the plate. He then says to the woman "This is very nice and all, but I have to ask what this is all about?"
She says "Actually, it was my husbands idea. When I asked him what we should do for you on your last day of work, he said 'Fuck him, give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea.
A newlywed couple decide to go on a honeymoon...
... To Florida. The husband gets there before his wife does and decides to send her an email. He finishes unpacking and types it out, but when he sends it, he misstypes the adress and accidentally sends it to an old lady whose husband had recently died. The old lady reads the message and faints. It said:
"Dear honey,
I have arrived at our destination. I have unpacked and everything is ready for your arrival. I miss you and expect to see you soon!
Love,
Husband
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Girls night out
Two young married women were having a girls night out on the town. Walking home from the bar they both realized they needed to pee. They saw a cemetary across the street and decided to go behind the headstones. Having nothing to wipe with, the first girl takes off her p**..., wipes, then tosses them. The second girl doesn't want to toss her expensive p**... so she grabs a card out of some flowers and uses that. Giggling, they continue home.
The next morning the husband of the first girl calls the husband of the second and says "these girls nights out have to stop! My wife came home without her underwear last night!" The second husband says "you think that's bad, my wife came home with a card between her butcheeks that said We'll all miss you! Lots of love, the guys at firestation #19!"
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
