Miser Jokes
7 miser jokes and hilarious miser puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about miser that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Entertaining Miser Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What is a good miser joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A rich man demanded to be buried with his money
Upon his death bed a miser demanded he be buried with all his money leaving behind nothing for his wife and children. After his death some friends approached his widow to offer her jobs and gifts but discover she has bought a new home, car, and wardrobe. The friends ask how she can afford all of this with the entire estate being buried with her deceased husband? The widow replied, well I deposited the funds from the estate into my account and buried my dear husband with a check for the total.
What does a miser do when it gets cold?
He huddles around a candle.
What does he do when it gets *really* cold?
He lights the candle.
I'm so miserable without you...
It's like you are still here.
Miserly Gift
A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend.
Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit.
In due time, he received an acknowledgement:
"Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
100 kisses
A miser wrote a letter to his wife saying that he can't send her money this month, so he sends hundred kisses instead.
She replied a month later saying: Thanks for the kisses, dear, because they helped me a lot. Here's how I spent them: 2 kisses for the milkman, 7 for the grocer, the landlord comes everyday and takes a kiss or two, the butcher and the greengrocer weren't satisfied by the kisses and so I gave them other material, and gave the doorman and the plumber about 40 kisses. I still have 35, and I hope it will last me for the month. I will follow this way for the next months, because it solved many problems for me.
Regards, your loving wife .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The honest lawyer?
The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest. I know I am going to die he said and I would like to take my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.
It was a few days after the f**... when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back. I'm glad you brought it up said the doctor, because I have also been feeling guilty, I only put $80,000 back.
You people should be ashamed of yourselves stormed the lawyer stealing money like that, am I the only honest person here? Here look at this he said pulling out his check book, look I wrote out a check for the full $150,000!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The miser's will
A notorious miser died, and in his will he left his $3 million estate split evenly among his three sons: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer. Being selfish even in death, he left each of them strict instructions to put the money in his coffin when they buried him.
After the f**..., the three were talking, and the doctor said "I have a confession to make. I didn't actually put all the money in the coffin -- it seemed like such a waste. I kept out $200,000 to buy some new equipment for the hospital."
The priest chimed in, "I'm so glad you said that -- I couldn't bring myself to throw away $1 million either. I kept $300,000 to build a new wing on the church."
The lawyer shook his head in disgust and said, "I can't believe you two, ignoring your dead father's wishes like that! When we buried him, that coffin contained my personal check for the full amount of one million dollars!"
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