miscellaneous Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious miscellaneous puns

Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: "I got you covered."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why do mermaids wear seashells?
A: Because they grew out of their B shells.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man got in a car accident with a dwarf, who got out of his car and said, "I'm not happy!" The man replied, "Well, which one are you?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

When someone yawns, do deaf people think they're screaming?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Step 1: Name your iPhone "Titanic."

Step 2: Plug it into your computer.

Step 3: When iTunes says "Titanic is syncing," press cancel.

Step 4: Feel like a hero.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Fix yourself up, the doctor is taking us out today.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A prisoner was freed from prison and yelled: I'm free, I'm free at last!" and a kid replied "So what? I'm four"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: "Breathe, stupid!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If a midget comes up to you and says your hair smells good, is that considered sexual harassment?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have five fingers.
The middle one is for you.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
A: "Odor in the court!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear.

Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.

I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q. What can you give and keep at the same time?
A. A cold!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I walked into the antique store and said, "What's new?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Did you hear about the guy who drank 8 Cokes?
A: He burped 7Up.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy accidentally dropped $2 in the toilet and thought, "It's not worth putting my hand in the toilet for only $2," so then he dropped a $50 bill in the toilet on purpose and thought, "It is worth it to put my hand in there now for $52."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's green and laughs at you while riding away? A Leprechaun on a race horse!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison?
A: Some asshole brings 'em in.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What is tall when it is young and short when it is old?
A: A candle.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Paddy and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV.

Paddy says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said, "No change yet."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why should you never trust a toilet?
A: Because it's full of shit.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny walked in on his parents and saw them doing it.

He asked his dad what he was doing to his mom. His dad said, "Go back to sleep, we're making you a little brother." In the morning, the dad was walking to his car when he saw Johnny banging the exhaust pipe and asked Johnny what he was doing. Johnny said, "I'm making myself a little car."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What's the importance of capitalization?
A: You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?
Cuz it had no guts

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: Why is the letter B very cool?
A: Because it's sitting in the AC.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If you think nobody cares you are alive, try missing a couple of payments.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Miscellaneous jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Miscellaneous? Well, here are the best Miscellaneous dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Miscellaneous pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes