The Best 64 Mirror Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Mirror jokes. There are some mirror bandersnatch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mirror mirror mirror on the wall puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Mirror Jokes and Puns
Good eyes
A woman standing in front of a mirror and telling her husbband: "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. But will you still give me a compliment?
The husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent".
My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.
A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."
Two old drunks
I was sitting in a bar with my friend and I noticed two old drunks across the bar from us. I laughed and said, "That's us in ten years." My friend replied, "That's a mirror, dipshit."
My girlfriend was standing nude...
in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
The problem with kissing a perfect 10
Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.
Two men are drinking in a bar.
One of them looks across the bar and sees two old drunks sitting at a table. He turns to his friend and says, "In ten years, that'll be us."
His friend looks and says, "That's a mirror, dumbass."
I've decided I want to start a career in Mirror Cleaning
It's just something I can see myself doing.
LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself naked and accidentally get arrested and registered as a sex offender.
Spread the word.
Sometimes I like to stand in front of a mirror and reflect.
If Jesus was on a penny they would call it a JC Penny
I get sad every time I look in a mirror
You can explore mirror headstand reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mirror magic mirror dad jokes. There are also mirror puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A vampire masturbating into a mirror.
You didn't see that coming.
A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself"
So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"
Give me a compliment.
A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way
So I moved the mirror
What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?
Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.
"Honey, I think I'm ugly...."
So I pulled her infront of a mirror, stood right next to her and said:
"Darling, I mean look a that sexy smile, that beautiful hair and those eyes....Just wow. No wonder you feel ugly next to me!"
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror...
I thought to myself, "I'm going to get kicked out of Ikea any moment now."
A blonde tried to commit suicide
Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.
My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...
'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'
'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
Bad luck
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck.
*condom walks in laughing*
Break a mirror, 7 years of bad luck.
Break a condom, your bad luck will probably outlive you.
A couple of friends are drinking at a bar
One friend spots a couple of old drunks at the end of the bar and says "that'll be us in ten years".
The other friend looks and says "That's a mirror dumbass".
Masturbating while looking in a mirror isn't wrong.
Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus
An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
I'd really like to start a career in mirror washing
It's something I could really see myself doing.
A woman is standing naked in front of her bedroom mirror.
"I'm old, saggy and wrinkled," she sighed. Then she turned to her husband who was sitting in bed, reading. "I could really do with you saying something nice, you know."
He looked up. "Your eyesight's perfect."
I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania
Now I can't even look myself in the mirror.
The problem with kissing a perfect 10 is that
Sometimes it's cold when your lips touch the mirror
I was out drinking with a friend and saw two old drunks across the bar. I said, that's totally going to be us in 10 years.
He said, that's a mirror, dipshit.
The best way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror.
The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.
A beer bottle, a mirror, and a condom are all talking to each other....
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
a blonde police officer stops a blonde driver
A blonde police officer stops a blonde driver:
"You have driven too fast: let me see your driver's licence."
The blonde driver is puzzled: "What's a driver licence?"
The blonde police officer explains: "Um... you have your face on it."
The blonde driver hands the blonde police officer a mirror.
The blonde police officer looks at the mirror and salutes the blonde driver:
"Sorry, I didn't recognize you were a police officer."
Dad puts the car in reverse, looks in the rearview mirror and says...
"Ah, that takes me back."
How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide?
There are bullet holes in the mirror.
A woman walks into a butcher shop
"How much for the pig's head?"
"Ma'am, that's a mirror"
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde
The police officer asks the blonde, "Can I see you license and registration, please?". The blonde then asked, "What is that?", the police officer says, "That thing with your face on it", the blonde then pulls a mirror out of her purse, and hands it to the police officer. The police officer then says, "Oh, my bad, if I knew you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."
A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck.
The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.
Glass: If someone breaks me, its one year of bad luck
Mirror: Thats nothing. If someone breaks me, its seven years of bad luck.
Condom: hahahaha
The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it.
Haven't looked back since.
Joke translated to English from German
A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.
"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"
"What's a driving license? "
"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."
She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic mirror, and hands it over to the policeman.
The policeman takes a look at the mirror and responds-
"Should have told me right away your a police officer too "
I was really proud of my heritage until I found out that my great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
A vampire masturbating in front of a mirror
Bet you didn't see that coming.
I just can't ever see myself putting anything up my own butt
So I got a mirror.
How I lost my job as a hairdresser.
I had just about finished styling a very wealthy lady's hair. I put down the hair dryer, and placed a hand mirror behind her head. "OK, how's that?", I asked.
She sniffed, and said "more volume."
#"OK, HOW'S THAT!?"
Me: I want to be a mirror cleaner when I grow up
Mum: why's that?
Me: It's something I can see myself doing
Mum: ...
A beer bottle, a mirror and a condom go to the pub.
The beer bottle thinks for a moment and says, You know, if you break me, you get a years bad luck.
The mirror looks incredulous at this comment and says, That's nothing, if you break me you get 7 years bad luck.
The condom starts to laugh so hard he falls on the floor.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.
.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."
"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
Are you Blonde?
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.
After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"
A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she's pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver's license.
Driver's license? the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.
You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse, the blonde cop explains patiently.
Oh, that! the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.
The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, you're free to go…I didn't realize you were a cop!
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side
One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together she asked me if she should change anything in her life. I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better. At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.
After the first day, I didn't see anything. To be expected of course, these things take time. Three days later, nothing. A week later, nothing. Two weeks later, and I finally started to see something. Thank god for that, I thought she knocked the light out of my eyes for good.
I was in an interview and they asked me where I see myself in 10 years
I said the same place I see myself now, in the mirror
What is an easy way to double your money?
Look at it in a mirror.
Why did Jack get hit by a sport car going in reverse during his exercise?
Because the driver can't see jack squat in the rear view mirror.
If you look at a poem in the mirror
you'll see it's inverse.
A little boy never saw his buttocks.
The boy never saw his buttocks all these years. One day at school he did not complete his homework so got a spanking from the teacher on the bottoms. Sobbing he rushed home and to look at the damage turned towards a mirror and shouted..
"Oh my God she split it in half. "
Complimenting the wife
An Irish man's wife is standing naked in front of the mirror, looking at her body and feeling distraught by what she sees.
"Oh Paddy, look at me! I'm hideous! I'm overweight, me tits are saggy and me hair's starting to go grey.
"Could you please pay me a compliment to make me feel better about meself?"
Paddy looks up from his book and says to his wife,
"Ah well... at least we know ye have perfect eyesight!"
What did the Avacado say to itself in the mirror?
You are 'fat' but you are 'good fat'
Have you heard of the Michael Jackson diet?
You just have to start with the man in the mirror, and ask him to change his weighs.
I would really like to work at a mirror factory.
it's just something i can really see myself doing.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mirror glass jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working mirror girl in the mirror piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.